thursday night smackdown

C’mon, I baked cake a 3 in the morning for you. For YOU. Specifically.

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The only thing better than failure is failure at 3 in the morning. I mean, in general I prefer my failures to occur at an obscure time of night: all the better to reinforce their obscurity. But when the thing you’re screwing up is meant to be broadcast to the world anyway, it doesn’t really matter when it happens.

It’s just, you know, it’s 3:30am. And I’m cranky.

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What the fuck, Bravo?  Is your Project Runway knockoff featuring dubious renowned American fashion icon and Destiny’s Child member Kelly Rowland really doing that well in the ratings?  We all know the Gunn is coming to Lifetime soon, so give up the ghost.

Issac, you know I love you, but I’m pissed that your steaming pile of a show is preempting Top Chef tonight and I’m pissed that Bravo thinks that re-running two episodes of Ludo is going to appease me.  I AM NOT APPEASED.

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Why is it that you go to therapy to make yourself feel better, you spend an hour talking about horrible crappy things, and then you leave feeling worse?  If I want to feel bad about myself, I could just look at myself naked in a mirror, jump up and down a few times and pocket the $100 bucks.

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Pouring small amounts of liquid has never been so sensual.

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Comments are closed and we have a winner!

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The bar for bleak soups has been raised. Gauntlets have been thrown.  RISE TO THE CHALLENGE!  Name your bleak soup for a chance to win a copy of Sunday Soups.

Leftovers are AWESOME.  Also ice cream makers.  And wine.

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Don’t forget to come up with the bleakest soup you can for a chance to win a copy of ‘Sunday Soups’!

So everyone was all, like, “You have to get A Platter of Figs, it’s the best new cookbook ever, it babysits my kids and re-caulked my bathtub and helped me lose 47 pounds in 7 days without even trying.”  And I was all, like, “I’m not spending thirty bucks on a book with a recipe for tomatoes that is ’slice tomatoes and sprinkle with salt, the end.’”  I’d spend twenty on that book, tops.

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“Bleak Soup.”

What is the bleakest soup you can think of?  Random Number Generator Brian will choose from your bleak, bleak entries, and one of you will win a copy of Sunday Soup.  Tweet, post or Facebook (and let me know) for another entry.  Comments close Sunday at noon.

Tonight’s masters: Rick Bayless (Frontera Grill and Tompolobampo, Chicago), Cindy Pawlcyn (Mustards Grill, Napa), Wilo Benet (Pikayo, Puerto Rico) and Ludo Lefebvre (Ludo Bites, floating restaurant).

Bayless and Pawlcyn can cook their asses off. (I love her cookbook, even though every ingredient list is 17 pages long. His books aren’t too shabby either.)  Lefebvre seems like an ass, so maybe tonight will be a little less sedate.  I’ll be pulling for Pawlcyn.

See you in 3!

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