Who are you?
I’m Michelle, a food and drink lover from Jersey City, New Jersey. I’m a lapsed Catholic, a lapsed lawyer, a lapsed pianist and a lapsed vegetarian. I am curmudgeonly. I live and cook by a strict ethical code:
- Any food is improved by at least 50% if (1) covered in cheese (2) wrapped in puff pastry or (3) accompanied by a vodka gimlet,
- Bacon fucking rules,
- Children are our future, so we should teach them well and let them lead the way, and
- Escargot are actually pencil erasers and are a cosmic joke perpetrated against gourmands the world over by the French.
What does Thursday Night Smackdown mean?
Thursday Night Smackdown is the Telltale Heart of the site: A woman, a cookbook, and a “man, I should really make this one day” recipe. The other days, tune in for original recipes, cool kitchen finds and reality food television mockery.
Why should I bother to read this?
Here are a few fine reasons to read TNS:
- You get to say you knew me before I got my book deal.
- I make jokes. People like jokes. If you don’t like jokes, there’s something wrong with you.
- I help you make simple, delicious foods that will impress your friends and family and possibly help get you laid. Some of which may also try to kill you, but sometimes that’s the price you pay for good food.
- I’m educational. You never know when you’re going to be exposed to new and exciting wonders like marshmallow hamburgers or the six-hundred dollar coffee pot or conveniently packaged peanut butter slices.
- There are cute stories about little old ladies.
- I help you make cheap delicious foods too, which is critical now that the entire world has been laid off.
Look, everybody reads Dooce and the Pioneer Woman. There is no way to stop the ever-encroaching juggernaut of Cake Wrecks which, if it continues expanding at its present exponential rate, will one day devour us all. But you? You don’t want to be like “everybody.”
If you read me? STREET CRED, my friends.
Is there anything else I should know?
Brian is my significant other, sous chef, general kitchen gadabout and is an ACTUAL ROCKET SCIENTIST, which comes in handy with some of the more complicated recipes. I’m looking at you, Thomas Keller. He will also eat anything put in front of him, whether he likes it or not.
Chester and Felix are our dogs. They eat our failures. They are surprisingly picky for dogs and have to be directed to food that has fallen on the ground. I don’t know where they picked up this pansy-ass behavior.
I have no training of any kind in (a) cooking, (b) pastry, (c) writing or (d) photography. This will, most likely, be quite evident to you. I’m sorry.
Is there any fine print?
Most if not all Thursday Night Smackdown recipes will be coming from our cookbook collection, and the point is to follow the recipes as closely as possible. This means that (1) any variations will usually be pretty minor, so that (2) I’m not really comfortable posting the recipes, since I’d essentially be giving them away. You know, copyrights and whatnot. I will post pictures of the ingredients and the process along with our description and review, and you should feel free to put 2 and 2 together and try to re-create the dishes yourself.