I’m a bit tired, crispy and worse for the wear. I blame the giant fire-breathing metal pig. If you can’t make out what is says on the side, it’s “HAMAGEDDON.”

For I Googaed my Mooga yesterday. I know there are many people being complainy about it on the internet, as the complaint-prone among us are wont to do. In response, I offer my only thought: if you really thought that a giant food festival with FREE ADMISSION would not have lines out the ass for Tom Colicchio’s pork belly tacos and beer, you are a more optimistic person than I.*

For my part, I basked on the lawn with friends in the shadow of the robotic dragon swine, eating, among other things, a horse bologna and foie gras grilled cheese sandwich and a wide variety of paletas, pineapple-jalapeƱo being the best. Yes, horse bologna is what you think it is.

Possibly I ate $15 worth of paletas, because it was really hot and I love paletas, but I will never admit to it.

ASIDE: “Hamageddon” would have been a BITCHING name for one of our annual Smoke-a-Thons, which are no more since the likelihood of finding a rental with a big backyard is zero point none. Dammit!

In other news, I apologize for my absence. My employer’s annual fundraising gala is tomorrow night, and between trying to pull that together and trying to find a way not to be homeless in July, I’ve been preoccupied. Cross my heart and hope to die that TNS will return to normal on Tuesday.

What’ve you been up to? I miss the pitter-patter of your little feet.

*I know there are folks with legit complaints about how the booze acquisition was run, but I can’t speak to that since I didn’t partake. On a hot, sunny day who wants wine or beer when there are paletas?

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