Liveblogging Top Chef Masters: Episode 6

Four chefs enter! One chef leaves! Four chefs enter! One chef leaves!

God willing, that chef will be Art Smith. I’ll take Waxman if I have to.

Tonight, chefs Roy Yamaguchi (Roy’s Restaurants), Art Smith (Table Fifty-Two), Michael Cimarusti (Providence) and Jonathan Waxman (Barbuto) battle it out to see who joins Hubert “Give Up Now” Keller, Michael “When You Look Up Douchebag in the Dictionary” Chiarello, Anita “Hey, what’s that over there? You’re dead and I win.” Lo, Rick “Suck My Enchilada” Bayless and Suzanne “My Cat’s Breath Smells Like Cat Food” Tracht. Join me!

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Monday: Awesomeness Sorely Needed

I said I would give it 24 hours and it’s been 24 hours so I can say it: It’s amazing just how much shit by volume the human neck can hold. And that’s all I’ll say about that, other than sorry about not being as active in the comments as usual.

Below the jump is some awesome shit, the opposite from the kind of shit currently filling what was once a functional esophagus. Whatever, I didn’t really like using those vocal cords anyway.

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Liveblogging Top Chef Masters: Episode 5

Tonight: Michael Chiarello (Bottega Restaurant), Rick Moonen (RM Seafood at Mandalay Bay), Nils Noren (French Culinary Institute) and Lachlan McKinnon Patterson (Frasca Food & Wine).  “Flipping Out’s” Jeff Lewis and Jenni Pulos guest star.

Michael Chiarello makes me want to throw things. At him, preferably, but since he’s never actually around then at the nearest wall. “NapaStyle” sticks in my craw almost as badly as “tablescape.” I don’t really know the other three, although I tend to want to root for anyone named Nils.

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Tight Ass Tuesday: Escape from New York

It’s a lie though; these scapes are from New Jersey, not New York.

I wanted a better pun because you deserve more, but I can’t muster one just now. Nothing will ever beat the one my brother-in-law found on over the weekend: “Two monocles got together in front of a window and had sex. They made quite a spectacle of themselves.” (I’ve highlighted the relevant punny words for anyone who is pun-impaired. And yes, I know; that isn’t a very good pun either.)

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