Breaking news: Doomsday Seed Vault Opens in Norway

130 meters under a frozen mountain on an island near the Arctic Sea, Norway is opening a Doomsday Seed Vault that will protect 4.5 million different types of seeds from destruction in case of agricultural mismanagement, nuclear winter, alien invasion or all of the above.

I think this is a great idea. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that one of the things I fear most about nuclear holocaust is the possibility that if I survive I’ll no longer have access to the heirloom pole beans* I enjoy today. However, I am concerned that America is allowing a Doomsday Vault gap to open, and would like to suggest that we consider our own Doomsday Vaults to protect those elements critical to the American Way of Life:

  • Doomsday Gourmet Bottled Water Vault
  • Doomsday Suri Cruise Vault
  • Doomsday Doritos CoolRanch (TM) Vault
  • Doomsday Pornography Vault

If you could only save one food in your corner of the Doomsday Vault, what would it be?

*I love heirloom veggies and think the vault is a great idea, so don’t get all up in my grill.

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