We cannot afford a mine shaft gap.

Breaking news: Doomsday Seed Vault Opens in Norway

130 meters under a frozen mountain on an island near the Arctic Sea, Norway is opening a Doomsday Seed Vault that will protect 4.5 million different types of seeds from destruction in case of agricultural mismanagement, nuclear winter, alien invasion or all of the above.

I think this is a great idea. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that one of the things I fear most about nuclear holocaust is the possibility that if I survive I’ll no longer have access to the heirloom pole beans* I enjoy today. However, I am concerned that America is allowing a Doomsday Vault gap to open, and would like to suggest that we consider our own Doomsday Vaults to protect those elements critical to the American Way of Life:

  • Doomsday Gourmet Bottled Water Vault
  • Doomsday Suri Cruise Vault
  • Doomsday Doritos CoolRanch (TM) Vault
  • Doomsday Pornography Vault

If you could only save one food in your corner of the Doomsday Vault, what would it be?

*I love heirloom veggies and think the vault is a great idea, so don’t get all up in my grill.

8 thoughts on “We cannot afford a mine shaft gap.

  1. claudia is still intoxicated on those things she ate at per se. ;)

    suri cruise hahaha.

    tough one… I think I would have to go with sushi. it’s so cliche, but I sometimes dream about it I love it so much. not that it would be realistic to keep it in a vault, but, you know, this is supposed to be a creative question, yes? :)

  2. Would it matter if I was too dead from said nuclear winter/alien invasion? Heck if I died from an alien invation, I don’t want those buggers to eat anything but Cool Whip and Velveeta!

  3. John: I hope there’s also a Doomsday Toothbrush and Toothpaste Vault.

    Melissa: Wouldn’t you be?

    Rachel: But what would you leave for those of us left behind? Besides, I’m sure the aliens won’t eat anything except pure human brains.

    Mmm. Brains.

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