It’s 4:08, and I’m wide awake. Perhaps it’s time to turn to the internet for some amusement, or for the provocation of thoughts, n’est-ce pas? Perhaps you too are awake, and have a similar need.

–  Are you not currently sad? You will be now.

–  He’s a lucky little elf.

–  I hear they also train them to be socialist lesbian witches. Just saying.

–  This is ten thousand kinds of awesome with a glory hole on top.

–  PETA: They just won’t stop giving me reasons not to like them.

–  I would totally adopt a kid if I could be sure I got one like Nora.

–  We really will believe anything we read, apparently.

–  Number 12. Oh, yes.

– Your last drink would be a Coors? Really? Then you are not to be trusted.

–  Impress your friends by knowing the proper terminology for a “sham deaf-mute.”

–  Can’t any day just be a day any more? No, it can’t, so you may as well toss back some Goobers.

–  Triple the serving size, deep fry it and serve with ranch dressing. There: book written.