It’s a thing, really. I suppose it could be worse; I could be facing a Buridan’s ass, or some other whimsically-named dilemma that sounds like a Magic: The Gathering card. Not that I know anything about those.

Option One: Take the recommended number of pain pills. Have one’s pain much reduced, but suffer inability to sleep for more than two hours at a time, ultimately leading to insanity.

Option Two: Take a reduced number of pain pills. Gain ability to sleep for four or five hours at a time, but lose ability to, um, be pain free, ultimately leading to insanity.

There’s no point in asking what Jesus would do, because he died before the age when spinal degeneration makes its presence known, which we’ve established is 34. Probably he would have used his suffering to inspire a cryptic parable that would confuse catechism students for millennia.

Anyway, I’m taking the night off. So there.