First off thanks to the krazy kooks – the few, the proud, the elite – who actually offered to give me their unused prescription drugs. Knowing that you would violate the laws of interstate commerce for me warms the cockles of my heart.

Concurrent with my physical distress is the emotional distress of featuring this lovely nested baking dish set from Napastyle, which is, as we all know, the brainchild of douchebag par excellence Michael Chiarello. I love the colors, the shapes and the distressed edges. Thankfully, I just saw that these particular models are no longer available on the website, so I am saved from supporting Chiarello in any way.

Not that I could afford them anyway, what with all my medical copays these days. For those playing along at home, the current status is:

  • One trip to my primary care physician.
  • Two trips to the Emergency Room.
  • Five different pain management medications attempted.
  • 1,000 stars that I see every time I move my body at all.

Currently, I’m on Flexeril and Percocet, which reduce the number of stars I see by about 100. My current mission is to persuade someone, anyone, to give me an MRI, but no one will.

So a new request for you: do you know any black-market radiologists who operate in the NYC area? I can pay in cupcakes. Thanks in advance.