Behold, some pages of the internet that may amuse you in your invalid state, assuming you can position yourself adequately on the plank upon which you lay to assuage your back pain and that you don’t pass out from the Oxycontin. Oh wait, that’s just me.

–  Pop a cap in someone’s ass for the cure!

–  Love dehydrated spiced meats, but hate that run-down feeling you get when you overindulge? Here you go! You’re welcome.

–  Well let me just dig a slow hole to a painful death by drowning, assuming I don’t incinerate as I pass through the earth’s core.

–  Unwanted orifice probing is sex-neutral.

–  Sometimes hard boiled, sometimes runny, it comes from a chicken not a bunny, dummy.

–  That episiotomy scar is no joke.

–  I’m pretty sure that when a man dances he wants to be not dancing, but then I wasn’t born until the ’70s.

–  Wow, this really resonates. Life is HARD, yo.

–  You sunk my Lemon Drop!

–  Abolish the wage system! All power to the Soviets! Here comes Santa Claus!

–  Increased cheese payload! It’s about time, because we got a whole lotta cheese.