Oh man, we are gonna need a bigger boat. And $2,308.60, for we scoff at round numbers.

Can one lust after a piece of wood?* This table, a great light fixture and some colorful, modern chairs: I would never leave the dining room. I can see it now; I’ll become a fixated old woman, single-minded in my obsession with finding the ultimate tablescape. Eventually, my mania will drive off friends and family, and it’ll just be me and my taxidermied dogs.

But would it be worth it? Maybe, that’s a fricking hot table.

*MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER.