Tonight on Top Chef: Muppets. Including, unfortunately, Elmo. And then we’re inexplicably in Target, and everyone’s making soup.
Last Week: We were subjected to Jimmy Fallon, who was in turn subjected to Fabio’s dry, meatloaf-esque hamboorger.
10:01: Blais is feeling the pain of separation from Fabio, as are we all.
10:02: Opening credits. Look at all the chefs I’ve already completely erased from my mind. It’s impressive.
10:03: QUICKFIRE: Make the best cookie ever. Cookie Monster is, unsurprisingly, having a cookiegasm.
10:05: Is Blais using liquid nitrogen? Really? Will there be some ras el hanout involved, too?
10:06: Dale just said what we’re all thinking.
“I don’t like Telly. He’s the sweaty conspiracy theory uncle that lives in grandma’s basement, you know?” (via @LillyJ)
10:08: Antonia: “My cookies are huge.” That’s what she said!
10:10: “The more I see Cookie Monster, the more I realize he’s a puppet version of Charlie Sheen.” (via @JeffHouck)
10:11: Commercials. Look at Yukon Cornelius and his cute little haircut, as he shills for bacon. Adorbs.
10:13: Even Cookie Monster is not fooled by Richard Blais.
10:14: Angelo: bonus points for making a milkshake, says I.
The bottom: Blais and Angelo. So much for what says I.
10:15: The top: Dale and Antonia.
Elmo, on Antonia: “It looked like cow chips. It did.” Elmo gets a little crass on late-nite.
10:16: Winner: Dale!
10:17: ELIMINATION: $25k is at stake. Raid Target in the middle of the night and grab whatever you can to make a delicious dish for 100 Target employees.
10:18: This is one hell of a commercial for Target, I tell you what.
10:19: Shopping carts. Sprinting. It’s like Supermarket Sweep!
10:21: Angelo: Can you explain the knee socks? Actually, never mind, don’t.
10:23: Commercials. If State Farm is going to grant you three wishes, you should have to sing the jingle in tune.
10:24: I never thought I would say this, but the best part of the episode was totally the Muppets. The people demand more Muppets.
10:26: Even if they’re frozen, it weirds me out that you can buy shrimp at Target.
Carla: YOU DON’T NEED LINENS, YOU NEED FOOD.
10:28: Dale has graduated from the Culinary Institute of Mr. Mom.
10:29: Mike and Angelo are the new Blais and Fabio. Or a pale simulacrum thereof.
10:30: Did Antonia just pack the single one-shouldered shirt? Because she’s been rocking that quite a bit over the past few episodes.
10:31: Of course your soup is too salty; you added salt AND bacon.
10:32: Hey, it’s Ming Tsai, also known as the guy who lost on The Next Iron Chef!
10:35: Mike’s bowl of soup, with the single mushroom floating in it, makes me sad. What doesn’t make me sad: He seems to be sucking worse than my girl Carla.
10:37: Angelo’s created a salt lick. Again: Salt AND bacon? Come on, now.
10:38: Commercials. For Target. AGAIN.
10:39: So who’s getting it? I call Angelo and Mike for the bottom. Not sure who number 3 will be.
10:41: Pointless interlude. It’s late and the chefs are punchy, but not in an amusing way (although they think so).
10:43: More commercials. Ten bucks says there’s already a real band called Electric Cattle.
10:46: JUDGES’ TABLE: The top: Dale, Antonia and Richard.
10:47: Winner: Dale. $25k for a grilled cheese sandwich that you ripped off from a Michael Keaton movie. I hope you’re proud.
10:48: The bottom: Carla, Tiffany and Angelo. Which means: Mike lives to torment me for another week.
10:50: Blaming the palate fatigue, eh, Angelo? Who is surprised that his dish was too salty, which still baffles me.
10:51: THERE’S NO CRYING IN TOP CHEF.
10:53: Are they going to boot Angelo for oversalting the week after keeping Dale for the same mistake? She’s nice enough, but I’m hoping for Tiffany.
10:57: Carla, your dish was undeveloped. Angelo, it was a salt lick. Tiffany, that just wasn’t jambalaya.
Angelo, pack ’em up.
Wha?!
10:59: At least now he can go back to his son and his mail-order bride.
Next Week: Paula Deen.
Thursday Night Smackdown 
I love the Muppets!
I hate the Muppets! (Now) They have a much different Muppet-nish than they had in the late ’80’s/early ’90’s when my kids were… kids.
So we shall see!
Thirty seconds in and I’m already sick of Richard.
Antonia’s “daughter” really likes Sesame Street. Sure. Did you see how she was laughing?
Dale! That was awesome.
And now I agree with Mike on something (re: Richard). Shocking.
Oh heckling muppets.
ps – just sitting down to dinner now. but it’s this https://thursdaynightsmackdown.com/2009/07/28/tight-ass-tuesday-6/ so it’s okay
Amazing Target commercial!
My favorite Kevin on a Target commercial?? Did you see that? Was he endorsing Oscar Meyer as well? hmph.
Another Kevin commercial!
I do not appreciate Target implying that Kevin would have trouble with a nonstick pan. Or that Eli is better. Especially that second part.
Yay! Because Richard, those weren’t cookies.
Elmo was right. COW CHIPS.
So… this entire episode is one giant Target commercial?
I’d love to shop at Target in the middle of the night when it’s not mobbed.
yeah, except for the part where they shoehorned Swanson into the cookie challenge
Aw, beautiful friendships, furnished by Target.
Mike: Stop eating so many cookies and you could run through the store.
Oh, come on, Carla!
and richard will connect a pressure cooker, some kool paks some coleman camping fuel, some ifertilizer and a garden hose to make a nitrogen freezer
Michelle: Would you believe that’s the second reference to Supermarket Sweep that I’ve read this week?! Loved that show!
WHAT THE HOOTIE HELL?!
Sooooo worried for Carla…pull it out, girl!
I predict Angelo’s soup will be too salty. Because missing “something” = salt to him.
Angelo: Salt + bacon = salty
This makes me excited for our new and improved Target! The redesign is almost done!
So much double dipping in the tasting!
Ming!
Ooh, Iron Chef! Zing!
At 3am, the judges become punny. Good to know.
So scared for Carla.
Oh, now Padma with her zing!
Oh snap, Padma. Oh snap.
I think Dale’s going to win it. Oh, wait, could be Antonia.
The top three is no real surprise. They were the only good ones.
Yay! Not Richard! I mean, yay, Dale!
Not Mike? Fo’ real? Well, I think it’ll be Angelo. Salt lick and all.
wait, why isn’t Mike on the bottom? I saw that Tom liked his soup, but NO ONE else did. Didn’t Padma say that she couldn’t eat more than a teaspoon of it? Or am I thinking of someone else?
Oh my lord, I just saw Angelo’s socks. Holy crap. What the what?!
He cannot seriously be surprised that it was too salty.
“My palate was fatigued” = my food tasted awful
Tiffany, stfu.
I’m guessing Tiffany thinks she’s going home? That is a weird speech.
“How can you get past salt?” Well, Angelo, DALE did last week!
There’s no crying in Top Chef!!!
It HAS to be Angelo.
Mike’s an ass. Tiffany and Carla are obviously upset, Angelo’s not happy, but he takes it as a cue of “my buddy Angelo is obviously not going home,” so I’m going to high five my buddy celebrating his not losing in front of everyone. Because I’m an ass.
Angelo’s so mentally fried that he wore his black knee socks with shorts and white shoes.
Awww Mike & Angelo bromance — Breaking up is hard to do…
I’m still disappointed that it wasn’t Mike.
“What?” “You??” (because who is better than Angelo?) Grrrr.
Next week: Pounds of butter.
Quickfire challenge – a butter sculpture – and it’s Tiffani — because she’s from Beaufort TX, you know.