Last Week: We were subjected to Jimmy Fallon, who was in turn subjected to Fabio’s dry, meatloaf-esque hamboorger.
10:01: Blais is feeling the pain of separation from Fabio, as are we all.
10:02: Opening credits. Look at all the chefs I’ve already completely erased from my mind. It’s impressive.
10:03: QUICKFIRE: Make the best cookie ever. Cookie Monster is, unsurprisingly, having a cookiegasm.
10:05: Is Blais using liquid nitrogen? Really? Will there be some ras el hanout involved, too?
10:06: Dale just said what we’re all thinking.
“I don’t like Telly. He’s the sweaty conspiracy theory uncle that lives in grandma’s basement, you know?” (via @LillyJ)
10:08: Antonia: “My cookies are huge.” That’s what she said!
10:10: “The more I see Cookie Monster, the more I realize he’s a puppet version of Charlie Sheen.” (via @JeffHouck)
10:11: Commercials. Look at Yukon Cornelius and his cute little haircut, as he shills for bacon. Adorbs.
10:13: Even Cookie Monster is not fooled by Richard Blais.
10:14: Angelo: bonus points for making a milkshake, says I.
The bottom: Blais and Angelo. So much for what says I.
10:15: The top: Dale and Antonia.
Elmo, on Antonia: “It looked like cow chips. It did.” Elmo gets a little crass on late-nite.
10:16: Winner: Dale!
10:17: ELIMINATION: $25k is at stake. Raid Target in the middle of the night and grab whatever you can to make a delicious dish for 100 Target employees.
10:18: This is one hell of a commercial for Target, I tell you what.
10:19: Shopping carts. Sprinting. It’s like Supermarket Sweep!
10:21: Angelo: Can you explain the knee socks? Actually, never mind, don’t.
10:23: Commercials. If State Farm is going to grant you three wishes, you should have to sing the jingle in tune.
10:24: I never thought I would say this, but the best part of the episode was totally the Muppets. The people demand more Muppets.
10:26: Even if they’re frozen, it weirds me out that you can buy shrimp at Target.
Carla: YOU DON’T NEED LINENS, YOU NEED FOOD.
10:28: Dale has graduated from the Culinary Institute of Mr. Mom.
10:29: Mike and Angelo are the new Blais and Fabio. Or a pale simulacrum thereof.
10:30: Did Antonia just pack the single one-shouldered shirt? Because she’s been rocking that quite a bit over the past few episodes.
10:31: Of course your soup is too salty; you added salt AND bacon.
10:32: Hey, it’s Ming Tsai, also known as the guy who lost on The Next Iron Chef!
10:35: Mike’s bowl of soup, with the single mushroom floating in it, makes me sad. What doesn’t make me sad: He seems to be sucking worse than my girl Carla.
10:37: Angelo’s created a salt lick. Again: Salt AND bacon? Come on, now.
10:38: Commercials. For Target. AGAIN.
10:39: So who’s getting it? I call Angelo and Mike for the bottom. Not sure who number 3 will be.
10:41: Pointless interlude. It’s late and the chefs are punchy, but not in an amusing way (although they think so).
10:43: More commercials. Ten bucks says there’s already a real band called Electric Cattle.
10:46: JUDGES’ TABLE: The top: Dale, Antonia and Richard.
10:47: Winner: Dale. $25k for a grilled cheese sandwich that you ripped off from a Michael Keaton movie. I hope you’re proud.
10:48: The bottom: Carla, Tiffany and Angelo. Which means: Mike lives to torment me for another week.
10:50: Blaming the palate fatigue, eh, Angelo? Who is surprised that his dish was too salty, which still baffles me.
10:51: THERE’S NO CRYING IN TOP CHEF.
10:53: Are they going to boot Angelo for oversalting the week after keeping Dale for the same mistake? She’s nice enough, but I’m hoping for Tiffany.
10:57: Carla, your dish was undeveloped. Angelo, it was a salt lick. Tiffany, that just wasn’t jambalaya.
Angelo, pack ’em up.
10:59: At least now he can go back to his son and his mail-order bride.
Next Week: Paula Deen.