Tonight on Top Chef: Muppets. Including, unfortunately, Elmo. And then we’re inexplicably in Target, and everyone’s making soup.

Last Week: We were subjected to Jimmy Fallon, who was in turn subjected to Fabio’s dry, meatloaf-esque hamboorger.

10:01: Blais is feeling the pain of separation from Fabio, as are we all.

10:02: Opening credits. Look at all the chefs I’ve already completely erased from my mind. It’s impressive.

10:03: QUICKFIRE: Make the best cookie ever. Cookie Monster is, unsurprisingly, having a cookiegasm.

10:05: Is Blais using liquid nitrogen? Really? Will there be some ras el hanout involved, too?

10:06: Dale just said what we’re all thinking.

“I don’t like Telly. He’s the sweaty conspiracy theory uncle that lives in grandma’s basement, you know?” (via @LillyJ)

10:08: Antonia: “My cookies are huge.” That’s what she said!

10:10: “The more I see Cookie Monster, the more I realize he’s a puppet version of Charlie Sheen.” (via @JeffHouck)

10:11: Commercials. Look at Yukon Cornelius and his cute little haircut, as he shills for bacon. Adorbs.

10:13: Even Cookie Monster is not fooled by Richard Blais.

10:14: Angelo: bonus points for making a milkshake, says I.

The bottom: Blais and Angelo. So much for what says I.

10:15: The top: Dale and Antonia.

Elmo, on Antonia: “It looked like cow chips. It did.” Elmo gets a little crass on late-nite.

10:16: Winner: Dale!

10:17: ELIMINATION: $25k is at stake. Raid Target in the middle of the night and grab whatever you can to make a delicious dish for 100 Target employees.

10:18: This is one hell of a commercial for Target, I tell you what.

10:19: Shopping carts. Sprinting. It’s like Supermarket Sweep!

10:21: Angelo: Can you explain the knee socks? Actually, never mind, don’t.

10:23: Commercials. If State Farm is going to grant you three wishes, you should have to sing the jingle in tune.

10:24: I never thought I would say this, but the best part of the episode was totally the Muppets. The people demand more Muppets.

10:26: Even if they’re frozen, it weirds me out that you can buy shrimp at Target.


10:28: Dale has graduated from the Culinary Institute of Mr. Mom.

10:29: Mike and Angelo are the new Blais and Fabio. Or a pale simulacrum thereof.

10:30: Did Antonia just pack the single one-shouldered shirt? Because she’s been rocking that quite a bit over the past few episodes.

10:31: Of course your soup is too salty; you added salt AND bacon.

10:32: Hey, it’s Ming Tsai, also known as the guy who lost on The Next Iron Chef!

10:35: Mike’s bowl of soup, with the single mushroom floating in it, makes me sad. What doesn’t make me sad: He seems to be sucking worse than my girl Carla.

10:37: Angelo’s created a salt lick. Again: Salt AND bacon? Come on, now.

10:38: Commercials. For Target. AGAIN.

10:39: So who’s getting it? I call Angelo and Mike for the bottom. Not sure who number 3 will be.

10:41: Pointless interlude. It’s late and the chefs are punchy, but not in an amusing way (although they think so).

10:43: More commercials. Ten bucks says there’s already a real band called Electric Cattle.

10:46: JUDGES’ TABLE: The top: Dale, Antonia and Richard.

10:47: Winner: Dale. $25k for a grilled cheese sandwich that you ripped off from a Michael Keaton movie. I hope you’re proud.

10:48: The bottom: Carla, Tiffany and Angelo. Which means: Mike lives to torment me for another week.

10:50: Blaming the palate fatigue, eh, Angelo? Who is surprised that his dish was too salty, which still baffles me.


10:53: Are they going to boot Angelo for oversalting the week after keeping Dale for the same mistake? She’s nice enough, but I’m hoping for Tiffany.

10:57: Carla, your dish was undeveloped. Angelo, it was a salt lick. Tiffany, that just wasn’t jambalaya.

Angelo, pack ’em up.


10:59: At least now he can go back to his son and his mail-order bride.

Next Week: Paula Deen.