You’d think that after several years, one would become inured to being crazy.

process, 2

I mean, a person can get used to anything, right?

WRONG. Alas, I just can’t get used to being a nutjob, and each day I wake up crazy is as painful as every other day. And compared to how crazy I’ve been in the past, I’m not even THAT nutty right now. GET IT TOGETHER, SELF.

For context, we remain at Threat Level Yellow and probably will until we see the p-doc next week, p-doc being crazy person-shorthand for “psychiatrist.” Maybe then this shit will get figured out and I’ll stop using the royal “we.”

At least I remembered to pick up some chocolate on the way home today, so we’re teetering on the brink of Orange.

process, 2

Brian is out at an after-work game night tonight, which means I’m fending for myself. Couple that with the Crazy, and it’s evident that I’m not cooking tonight. But I’m not nuts enough to do nothing, so I made some super creamy hummus. Which I’m not eating, but I feel satisfied that I managed to do something.

Really, what I need is some perspective. So here’s some perspective: once, I was so crazy that I had to spend a week in a psych ward. My roommate was a very nice woman who had been found passed out in the driver’s seat of her car in an A&P parking lot after a particularly gnarly coke binge. We promised to keep in touch, but the psych ward is much like Girl Scout Camp in that you bond intensely with people for a week, exchange addresses and phone numbers and then never talk to one another again.

Also you have to do arts and crafts, calisthenics and self-esteem building exercises. Thankfully, unlike camp, there is no canoeing. I hate canoeing.

process, 3

One night, I was playing Scrabble and eating Ben and Jerry’s with some friends who really know what to bring when visiting a psych ward. A very nice albeit completely insane schizophrenic woman was sitting on one of the blue vinyl couches, silently watching Jeopardy!, when she suddenly turned to me, looked me dead in the eye and said, very clearly, “I fucked a dog once!” before turning placidly back to Jeopardy! And I thanked the baby Jesus that I lucked out and got the coke fiend for a roommate.

And that’s what it’s like being in a psych ward, along with not having any shoelaces and having to check your shampoo out from the nurses when you want to wash your hair. Now you don’t have to go, because you already know what it’s like! Lucky you!


What does any of this have to do with hummus? NOTHING! Nothing at all! There’s no hummus on the psych ward menus, and there are certainly no food processors allowed in the ward. I suppose I’m just in a sharing mood and am thinking a lot about how far I’ve come from that week, where getting out of bed was occasion for great rejoicing and the idea of puttering about the house making hummus was an impossible dream, and how very frustrated I am that life still isn’t perfect.

I mean, COME ON, LIFE. After you’ve spent a week eating breakfast next to the dog-fucking lady and suffered through nights listening to the howls of the woman down the hall being forcibly restrained, you should get to have a good life (as should they). Am I right, or am I right? I’m pretty sure I’m right.

So this hummus: it’s really freaking good. It’s about process (whipping up the tahini and garlic before adding the chickpeas) and ingredients (greek yogurt). It’s perfectly lemony,  perfectly garlicky and perfectly creamy, and it all comes together in a few minutes. You should make some, and eat it with slices of cool, crisp, sweet bell pepper.

If I can do it, anyone can do it.

Creamiest Hummus
1/3 c. tahini paste
3 cloves garlic
juice of 3 lemons
1 15oz. can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1/3 c. olive oil
1 7oz. tub full-fat plain greek yogurt
salt to taste

Put the tahini, garlic and lemon juice in the bowl of your FoPro. Blend until the tahini lightens in color and looks whipped, 1-2 minutes.

Add the chickpeas and blend for another minute. With the motor running, slowly pour in the olive oil.

When all the oil has been added, add the yogurt and salt to taste and blend for another 1-2 minutes until perfectly smooth.

Makes about 3 cups.