You’d think that after several years, one would become inured to being crazy.
I mean, a person can get used to anything, right?
WRONG. Alas, I just can’t get used to being a nutjob, and each day I wake up crazy is as painful as every other day. And compared to how crazy I’ve been in the past, I’m not even THAT nutty right now. GET IT TOGETHER, SELF.
For context, we remain at Threat Level Yellow and probably will until we see the p-doc next week, p-doc being crazy person-shorthand for “psychiatrist.” Maybe then this shit will get figured out and I’ll stop using the royal “we.”
At least I remembered to pick up some chocolate on the way home today, so we’re teetering on the brink of Orange.
Brian is out at an after-work game night tonight, which means I’m fending for myself. Couple that with the Crazy, and it’s evident that I’m not cooking tonight. But I’m not nuts enough to do nothing, so I made some super creamy hummus. Which I’m not eating, but I feel satisfied that I managed to do something.
Really, what I need is some perspective. So here’s some perspective: once, I was so crazy that I had to spend a week in a psych ward. My roommate was a very nice woman who had been found passed out in the driver’s seat of her car in an A&P parking lot after a particularly gnarly coke binge. We promised to keep in touch, but the psych ward is much like Girl Scout Camp in that you bond intensely with people for a week, exchange addresses and phone numbers and then never talk to one another again.
Also you have to do arts and crafts, calisthenics and self-esteem building exercises. Thankfully, unlike camp, there is no canoeing. I hate canoeing.
One night, I was playing Scrabble and eating Ben and Jerry’s with some friends who really know what to bring when visiting a psych ward. A very nice albeit completely insane schizophrenic woman was sitting on one of the blue vinyl couches, silently watching Jeopardy!, when she suddenly turned to me, looked me dead in the eye and said, very clearly, “I fucked a dog once!” before turning placidly back to Jeopardy! And I thanked the baby Jesus that I lucked out and got the coke fiend for a roommate.
And that’s what it’s like being in a psych ward, along with not having any shoelaces and having to check your shampoo out from the nurses when you want to wash your hair. Now you don’t have to go, because you already know what it’s like! Lucky you!
What does any of this have to do with hummus? NOTHING! Nothing at all! There’s no hummus on the psych ward menus, and there are certainly no food processors allowed in the ward. I suppose I’m just in a sharing mood and am thinking a lot about how far I’ve come from that week, where getting out of bed was occasion for great rejoicing and the idea of puttering about the house making hummus was an impossible dream, and how very frustrated I am that life still isn’t perfect.
I mean, COME ON, LIFE. After you’ve spent a week eating breakfast next to the dog-fucking lady and suffered through nights listening to the howls of the woman down the hall being forcibly restrained, you should get to have a good life (as should they). Am I right, or am I right? I’m pretty sure I’m right.
So this hummus: it’s really freaking good. It’s about process (whipping up the tahini and garlic before adding the chickpeas) and ingredients (greek yogurt). It’s perfectly lemony, perfectly garlicky and perfectly creamy, and it all comes together in a few minutes. You should make some, and eat it with slices of cool, crisp, sweet bell pepper.
If I can do it, anyone can do it.
Creamiest Hummus
1/3 c. tahini paste
3 cloves garlic
juice of 3 lemons
1 15oz. can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1/3 c. olive oil
1 7oz. tub full-fat plain greek yogurt
salt to taste
Put the tahini, garlic and lemon juice in the bowl of your FoPro. Blend until the tahini lightens in color and looks whipped, 1-2 minutes.
Add the chickpeas and blend for another minute. With the motor running, slowly pour in the olive oil.
When all the oil has been added, add the yogurt and salt to taste and blend for another 1-2 minutes until perfectly smooth.
Makes about 3 cups.
Thursday Night Smackdown 
“Crayzy, crayzy, crayzy…” he said to himself in his North carolina gomer pyle accent, as he read the post.
There is plenty of crazy around the doctors haven’t gotten their hands on yet. Sometimes when I’m feeling the crazy out of the corner of my peripheral vision, I’ll go put on a movie. Not just any old movie, but something that will drag me into it and turn me around, like Chushingura (a japanese movie about 47 guys – everyone dies and it’s over 3.5 hours long) or Patton (also – Long)or Titus Andronicus or even A Clockwork Orange. By the time any of these are done catharsis and adrenaline have done their “thang” and I resurface back in *this* world feeling washed.
I draw the line at watching Barry Lyndon though.
Ok, you had me going until I saw the words “Barry Lyndon”(*snicker*). Brought back middle school memories…and that’s about the time my parents realized my sister needed serious mental health help. So, yeah, I draw the line there, too. But hummus with yogurt? That does sound crazy good.
Glad you got yourself help and all is better.
Funny about summer camp, that’s where I was shipped off to one summer so the rest of the family could have a nice vacation. I suppose now it was just because they didn’t think of the option of a psych ward.
Love hummus, that yogurt addition sounds excellent!
I worked at psych hospital for many years. I did admissions. I love that you talk about something most people won’t bring up. And I appreciate how difficult the process of dealing with mental illness is. And yeah, good hummus (or any hummus) is typically not found on a psych unit. This sounds lovely though.
I’ve come to the conclusion, after 55 years on this planet, that most of us are bat-shit crazy, at least most of us with average or greater intelligence. The trick is learning how to deal with it so you can operate in the larger world, where the majority of the population is of average or lesser intelligence and functions at threat level yellow anyway. Or, in the words of some cheesy country song, “I’ve always been crazy, but it’s kept me from going insane.” Or something. I have no doubt hummus would help.
Yogurt in hummus? So crazy it’s sane!
Not that you need to figure this out – or that it isn’t too late to do so, by any stretch – but do you suppose there’s any chance the episode of Jeopardy! the lady was watching was asking a movie question about “Sid and Nancy”? Because that’s one of the stand-out quotes from that movie: “I got so bored once… I f*cked a dog.”
…Anyway.
Once when I was in the psych ward, my roommate had to wear a bicycle helmet because she had a tendency to pass out when switching personalities. However, instead of a bathrobe, she wore an elegant pink silk penoir with blond lace. Quite the fashion statement.
it may or may not boost you to know that even with the aura of crazy, this is still the most entertaining and creative thing i’ve read all day. 😉
I spent a month on a psych ward as a kid and I agree with everything you said here, and hope you are doing better this week (or at least eating a LOT of chocolate). And the hummus does sound yummy.
It looks like Pita Inn Hummus!
well i’m def every bit of crazy when it comes to a lot of things… never put yogurt in my hummus but do load it up with garlic! oh my! too good. will try your recipe!! 🙂