Morganza, Yigit, Danielle and Danielle’s faces compete TO THE DEATH. Top Chef Just Desserts finally comes to an end, and we can all enjoy a Johnny Iuzzini-free Thanksgiving while we wait for the All-Stars to begin.
Retrospective: Remember when the Glee Club showed up that one episode? Yeah, me neither. The red hots were for Seth’s mommy. Morganza is not gay. Lots of people went home, some because they sucked, some because they self-sacrificed, some because they were nuts. Last week, Danielle won with an armadillo cake and Zac got the boot.
10:02: It’s the official morning of Shirtless Loitering. Well, not for Danielle.
Morgan calls Zac a “bitch” and a “fairy.” Stay classy, Morgan.
10:03: The only thing worse than Danielle’s normal hair: Danielle with bangs.
10:04: Gail is wearing her sexy ensign costume.
FINAL CHALLENGE: A progressive, four-course dessert tasting, serving a dozen bigwigs. Morganza awaits THE TWEEST, as do I.
10:06: Time for a relaxing cocktail and desserts with Johnny Bravo. Let’s meet the chefs responsible, shall we?
Sherry Yard! Elizabeth Falkner, eh. And some less famous lady. Claudia Fleming? They’ll be the cheftestants’ sous for the final challenge.
10:09: Commercials. I thought we were done with Eat Pray Love.
10:11: The string section of High Tension plays.
“Having Chef Fleming gives me a huge obstacle to overcome.” What are you saying about Chef Fleming? Yigit is whining about the A/C, because he has nothing better to worry about.
10:12: Oh, Albertson’s, how we won’t miss you at all when this show is over.
Apparently, Claudia Fleming is the pastry chef at Grammercy Tavern. Who knew? Not me. No offense to her, but I would totally want Sherry Yard.
10:13: Morgan: “You win here..or you didn’t win.” Astute!
10:15: Sherry Yard needs to take care of her roots.
Yigit is making a dessert based on a gimlet, which, yuck. Morgan is blathering about tree rings. Danielle is doing something that makes Johnny Bravo frown.
10:18: Claudia Fleming is baffled by Morgan’s chemistry lesson. Also, she just plain seems not to like him.
“Ooooh, look at Morgan using the big fancy words. Here’s a French one for you: Douche.” (@JeffHouck)
The frenetic techno of the ticking clock plays.
10:20: Time to relax with booze and Breyer’s. I know that’s how I like to take a load off, except I buy better ice cream.
10:23: Commercials. Coming soon: A rip off of The Punisher, starring the unlikely pair of Billy Bob Thornton and The Rock. Oh, I’m sorry, “Dwayne Johnson.”
10:24: Yigit tells a touching but sad story, going all Marcus Samuelsson on us.
THE TWEEST! Say goodbye to your famous sous, and take one of the eliminated contestants instead. Hey, it’s ugly Julianna Marguilies!
10:26: So, Danielle is stuck with Ugly Julianna and Morgan has someone who loathes him, which I’m sure will end well. So, Yigit then?
10:28: Ron Ben-Israel and Gail are resplendent in purple. Hey, Susan Feniger! Love her. And unBalaban, from TC Masters! Behold the sweater!
10:29: Claudia confirms for us that she does, in fact, hate Morgan.
10:31: As usual, the ex-contestants are being way harsher than the celebri-judges; Eric in particular can’t get over a fricking fig seed.
10:33: Susan Feniger has a total Danielle crush.
10:35: God, I love unBalaban. I want to shrink him down and pop him into my backpack.
Morgan’s souffles are falling down, just like his chances at winning.
10:36: Say it with me, now: Daily Candy lady is a waste.
Baumkuchen might be my new favorite word, although I have no idea what it is. Apparently, Morgan’s baumkuchen is impressive. That’s what she said!
10:38: Did Suzanne Goin say anything the whole time?
10:41: Commercials. Does Daily Candy lady really come up with those party tips? I can’t imagine her having an original thought. Then again, those tips aren’t really original either.
10:42: Tomorrow at 4, Oprah turns into Sally Jesse Raphael.
Pointless interlude: another retrospective. It was a journey. At one point, there were fire eaters. And now it’s the finale. The end.
10:44: More commercials. While the Burlington Coat Factory tries to convince me that they’re hip, let me say: commenters, you guys are awesome. Thanks, everyone, for sticking around!
10:46: “Gail, tell us why this night is different from all other nights.” (@RoadtoHell)
Guys, how do you think you did? WE ALL DID AWESOME.
10:47: Apparently, Gail fucked up really badly during Judges’ Table, because there are a ton of voice-overs.
10:50: Gail is perhaps overstating the importance of the decision the judges have to make.
I could listen to Hubert say the word “repertoire” all night long.
10:52: In the stew room, everyone is sick of everyone else. As we all are.
10:53: Commercials. I CANNOT WAIT for the return of Fabio!! and Hootie Hoo.
Can you call a winner? I’m really not sure.
10:56: You know, I don’t know that I would want to win a private cooking class with any of these three.
10:57: Danielle, you peaked at the right time. Yigit, you finally reigned your crazy shit in. Morganza, blah.
10:58: Winner: YIGIT. On one hand, it’s not Morgan. On the other, Danielle had kind of won me over. The news turns Zac into a shrieking harpy. But then, most things do.
Yigit wins a Buick. It’s like the anti-prize.
Thanks for being with me, everyone! See you back here in two weeks for the All-Stars.