Snicker Snicker

When the cat’s away, the mouse will play.

Brian’s traveling for work tonight to exciting and exotic Aberdeen, Maryland, and I’m on my own. The whole evening, laid open for me, no obligations, nothing to do. So you can see that I had no choice but to bake some chewy spiced oatmeal raisin cookies while watching The Biggest Loser.

I like oatmeal cookies because of the veneer of health. Oats! They’re full of fiber! Raisins! They’re a fruit! Nutmeg! I’m sure it has some kind of curative properties!

Of course, I also love them because they’re full of brown sugar.

I like a little zip in my oatmeal cookies, so I tossed in cinnamon, allspice and ginger along with the standard nutmeg. Kinda like an oatmeal raisin snickerdoodle. And then, yes, I ate some raw batter, raw oats notwithstanding. But only a little, because, you know, good health and all that happy shit.

Speaking of shit, you know what’s fucked up? The Biggest Loser. One, there’s no way it’s healthy to lose 34 pounds in a week, and any show that makes people feel bad about “only” losing five pounds can suck me. Two, there’s no way it’s healthy to regularly work out until you puke. Third, the dynamic is bizarre. You lost the least amount of weight and need the most help? TOO BAD, GO HOME.

The whole enterprise is messed up and unsustainable and Jillian takes way too much pleasure in making people cry. I’m going to vote with my remote. The Biggest Loser, you have forced me to turn to the Food Network, and I HATE the Food Network. I hope you’re happy. I’m going to eat a cookie to spite you.

I got my workout tonight mixing three cups of oats into a relatively small amount of batter by hand; that shit’ll give your arm a run for its money. I’m pretty sure it counts as exercise.

Twenty six minutes in the oven, and I had some lumpy, bumpy, fragrant mounds of oatmealy goodness.

These are the perfect oatmeal cookies. Crisp on the outside, chewy on the inside, packed with texture and the richness of brown sugar and wonderfully scented with fall spices. I will always lament that my life was, until recently, devoid of oatmeal raisin cookies.

I will not lament that it was devoid of The Biggest Loser. Jillian, I ate two oatmeal cookies AND I DO NOT FEEL BAD AT ALL.

Chewy Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
2 sticks (16 tbsp.) unsalted butter, softened
3/4 c. granulated sugar
1 1/4 c. light brown sugar
2 eggs
1 1/2 c. AP flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp grated nutmeg
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp. ground allspice
1 tsp. ground ginger
3 c. rolled oats
1 1/2 c. raisins

Preheat your oven to 350.

Whisk the flour, baking powder and spices together in a small bowl.

Beat the butter for a few minutes until it lightens. Beat in the sugars and continue beating until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes if using a stand mixer. Beat in the eggs, one at a time.

Mix in the flour mixture by hand, using a wooden spoon or stiff spatula, until just combined. Mix in the oats and raisins.

Shape the batter into balls of 2 tablespoons each; put them a few inches apart on a cookie sheet lined with parchment that’s sprayed with non-stick spray.

Bake for 26 minutes, until the edges are golden brown.