Top Chef moves to Singapore, where four cheftestants who would have been booted by now in the last season begin the final showdown.
Last Week: Dana Cowin was dour. No one made astronaut ice cream. Tiffany froze her mussels and was sent home, while The Dropper made it a double header.
10:02: A fitting end to this patriotic, DC-centric season: move it to Singapore.
Seetoh: King of Street Food. He might be my new hero, because we all know that street food is the pinnacle of a culture’s culinary prowess.
10:03: This old man has been frying the same dish of noodle for 40 years; those are some beat noodles.
10:05: Ed is already resplendently sweaty. Maybe he’s feeling an emotion!
10:07: The chefs seem shocked that they’re being called on to cook rather than continue their street food tour, because they’ve never watched past seasons.
QUICKFIRE: Cook your own street food, using only a wok. Kevin “doesn’t wok.” I say: suck it up, and wok like a man.
10:08: I think Ed has had his eyebrows manscaped during the break from filming.
10:11: Okay, now everyone is resplendently sweaty. Watch your seasoning, kids.
10:13: Commercials. They should really stop playing the Sienna commercial during these episodes, because the blind rage makes it hard for me to watch the show.
I wish I was more excited for Just Desserts, but this sucky season of Top Chef has drained away any joy I might feel.
10:15: Angelo: chile crab legs. Kelly: Chinese noodles with lobster and cockles. Kevin: Seafood stew with crispy shallots.
Kevin admits he’s never used a wok before, and Padma’s dander is UP.
10:17: Ed makes something that I didn’t catch.
Seetoh is complimentary to everyone. Winner: Ed! He’s got immunity, so he’s into the final. He smiles a real smile! Brian: “It looks like it makes his facr hurt.”
10:19: ELIMINATION: A team challenge. Cater a party for Dour Dana, cooking Singaporean cuisine. Fire dishes a la minute.
I call shenanigans on a team challenge so late in the game. Hell, I call shenanigans on the immunity as well.
10:21: They decide they only need to make four dishes. I’m sure the judges will be impressed.
Coming up next: Tom is unimpressed.
10:23: Brian: “Don’t you wish you could go into a restaurant and say, ‘Hey, how do you serve your cockles?'” Because we are both 12, and the continued use of the word “cockles” makes us laught.
10:24: Commercials. The Real Housewives of Atlanta know how to work some giant hats.
10:26: Ed’s Dropper-hate is barely contained. But we’re talking about Ed, so he mostly just looks bemused.
10:27: Kelly is making fish head curry. Eat them up, yum! She pretty much asks the spice merchant to make up her curry seasoning, so thanks, spice merchant’s mother’s recipe.
10:28: Ed is making a second dish! He’s going rogue.
The Dropper: “I’m glad I don’t have immunity. I think immunity is a double edged sword.” Sour grapes much? If it is a double edged sword, I’m pretty sure both of the edges are good.
10:30: Kevin is making clam chowder. You should not be able to win Top Chef with clam chowder.
10:32: Tom basically orders them to make another dish each, giving Ed prime suck-up opportunity / the chance to act like a total dickbag.
Maybe I’m a bad person, but watching Kelly struggle with her can opener is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. Or maybe the Screwdriver I just had was too strong. “These can openers don’t open Asian cans!”
The Dropper channels his inner motivational speaker and psychs himself up to make some soup. I know I usually lean on an imaginary midget Tony Robbins when I have to make soup under pressure.
10:34: Chefs scramble, as Kelly gradually bleeds out from the finger.
10:38: Commercials. SIENNA. Blood pulsing in head.
10:40: Pointless interlude. Prawn fishing. Kevin is scared of the prawns. He’s not touching that thing. That’s what she said!
10:42: More commercials. I’m glad Jennifer Hudson can. I like butter too much.
10:44: Everyone is moving with great, almost painful intensity.
1045: ’ gfdsaa
That message brought to you my the cat that just walked across my lap.
The waitstaff look like little French sailors.
10:47: I wish I were playing a drinking game based on the word “cockles.” I bet I’d be enjoying the episode a lot more.
10:49: Dana is wearing the low-necked dress that Gail should rightfully be wearing.
10:51: Seetoh is once again highly complimentary, whereas Dana looks like she hates everything even as she praises it.
10:52: I could really go for some Eric Ripert right about now.
10:53: Someone may put the beatdown on the waitstaff before the night is over. I predict Angelo.
I’ve never seen Tom look as happy about anything as he looks about Ed’s banana fritters.
10:55: This meal brought to you by some not-to-subtle Terlato product-placed wine.
10:58: Commercials. Use AT&T for your mobile phone carrier, or you’ll sink into a life of meaningless oblivion.
11:00: JUDGES’ TABLE. Angelo almsot forgot he was competing. You know who didn’t forget? Ed.
11:03: “Tastilicious”? I expect more from you, Gail.
The banana fritters are deemed the “perfect stoner dish” by a giggling panel of judges who actually come off kinda stoner-esque.
11:04: Based on the judges’ comments, I’d say it’s not looking for hot for The Dropper, although it could be Kelly.
11:07: Winner: Ed He’s happy to be in the finals, but happier to have beaten The Dropper for the second time.
11:10: Commercials. EVERY commercials break? Really, Toyota? I’m sorry I can’t get past this. COME THE FUCK ON.
11:12: Is Angelo going to burst into tears? Because I will LAUGH.
Kelly, pack ’em up. So, another all-dude finale this year.
Brian: “Angelo, don’t cry! Tony Robbins wouldn’t want that!”
11:13: And he’s an UGLY crier.
NEXT WEEK: Angelo is sick, and every dick that’s every won the show comes back. Hooray.
Stay away from the Top Chef article on Slashfood right now… Spoiler alert, and all that.
Ed clearly has had his eyebrows waxed for this.
Yes on the brows! My thought exactly.
Wow that was just a whole string of stating the obvious, one a piece
holy cow-the preview for next week actually makes me feel bad for Angelo. Didn’t think that was possible.
1) I have Sienna…I love it. I do not look like a hottie in it. I do not take time outs in it. It’s still an effin’ minivan.
2)Tast-a-licious???? Really??? My 12 year old says “yumptious”…maybe he can judge the finale
Manscaping. Immunity. Next week, both are put to the test. What’s the Vegas line on Sweaty Eddie?
Just watched the episode, and even though I fast forwarded through the commercials on the DVR, I could still see who is going to STILL BE ON NEXT WEEK. What the eff? Great job, Bravo.
Comments are closed.