Remember: Bravo likes to confuse viewers so the show is back to 10pm this week.
Tonight: Wylie Dufresne’s greasy locks grace the kitchen, and LeahRedux thinks something is difficult. Shocker!
Last Week: Restaurant Wars. CMF was the worst choice for front of the house ever. Shaft was sent back to the beastiary.
10:02: I’ve already forgotten most of the people who were on at the beginning of the season. Oh, N-Rod, how we haven’t missed you.
10:03: QUICKFIRE. There’s a mystery box, and Wylie Dufresne, about whom my feelings are already known. The challenge: cook from a successive parade of mystery boxes, incorporating all the ingredients into the dish.
Hey, Padma’s stylist is sober this week!
10:05: There’s a fish, fava beans and a can with no label. Apparently, the Top Chef kitchen is rather short on can openers.
10:06: Ed accurately pinpoints what it is about this challenge that makes it challenging. He’s as sharp as his personality is bubbling.
Next mystery box: squid and black garlic.
10:07: I heard someone say, “I don’t know anything about black garlic” and immediately assumed it was LeahRedux. You know, because she never knows anything.
Next box: ramps and passion fruit.
10:08: Angelo seems not to realize he’s having that conversation with himself out loud.
Next box: jicama.
10:10: Everyone looks like they just ran a marathon.
The Dropper’s nerves come out around Wylie Dufresne, as I’m sure is true for all of us. Because we’re worried that his hair could ignite around all the range burners.
“Ed looked awfully pleased with himself – lips all pink and pursed. Like a cat’s ass.” (@lillyj)
10:12: Winner: Tiffany!
10:14: Commercials. Jackie Warner’s hair is feathered like the wings of a majestic eagle.
Hey, MY phone doesn’t have a kickstand. What a piece of shit.
10:16: ELIMINATION: Take over a classic dish and give it a “disguise.” Dishes are assigned via knife draw. Diners: CIA officers and Leon Panetta. Winner gets a trip to Paris, which Ed wants to win so his girlfriend won’t dump him for his imaginary affair with Tiffany.
LeahRedux: “I could seduce some secrets out of the KGB.” That sentence is all kinda of wrong.
10:19: Conceptualizing your dish off a bottle of Kung Pao sauce at Whole Foods seems like a surefire way to win!
10:21: Taking advice from CMF also seems like a surefire win, but Kelly has the sense to ignore him.
He’s making veal parm stuffed inside tortellini. Like lobsters stuffed with tacos! Except probably not as good.
10:23: Ed is disguising his chicken cordon bleu by wrapping the ham around the outside. Groundbreaking! His creativity is almost as boundless as his bubbling personality.
I can’t bring myself to get all worked up about store-bought puff pastry, I just can’t.
10:25: Commercials. Lean Cuisine and Red Lobster back to back. What are they saying about Top Chef viewers?
10:28: Is it just me, or is everyone a little overawed at being in the CIA? I mean, I get that you can’t just walk in off the street, but still. They let you schmoes in, and with rolls of knives.
“An hour and a half is plenty of time,” says Kelly as she pours rice into the rice cooker. Smells like forboding.
Leon Panetta is bulbous. That’s all I have to say about that.
10:33: Panetta gets The Dropper’s Beef Wellington immediately. I have no love lost for him (The Dropper, not Leon Panetta), but even I feel kinda bad.
Tim the Congressional Aide, welcome to your 4 seconds of fame!
10:35: Cindy the Director of HR, you get 2 seconds!
Leon gets called out of dinner. Cindy the Director of HR looks displeased, like he forgot her birthday. So make that 3 seconds for her.
10:37: LeahRedux disguised French onion soup by making soup. Stellar!
CMF seems to have fucked his dish up big time, so this is me officially getting my hopes up.
10:41: Commercials. Is the premiere of Top Chef Desserts going to piggyback on the finale of Top Chef? Because that is going to be one long night.
Eli knows all about that fancy fridge, cuz his mom has one.
10:43: Pointless interlude. Leon Panetta is the repository of all knowledge, including “where the aliens live.” I’m assuming this was post-wine binge.
10:45: More commercials. I demand that all my shoes multi-task. Shoes have historically been lazy sons of bitches.
10:47: Top Three: Kelly, Tiffany and Ed. But, like the Highlander, there can be only on winner of the trip to Paris. Thanks, Padma.
10:48: Ed explains his “inside out” concept, as though anyone needed an explanation. Dufresne: “You really know how to cook a chicken.” Which I think is higher praise than it sounds.
Winner: Tiffany! She is ruling the school these days.
10:49: Bottom Three: The Dropper, CMF and LeahRedux. Apparently, I only give nicknames to people I don’t like.
10:51: Yes, it was frozen puff pastry. Let’s not harp on it. Thank you.
10:52: Colicchio insults CMF by way of revealing that he has, in fact, eaten frozen tortellini.
10:54: Ripert: Angelo would “make Julia Child sad.” Ouch.
10:56: Commercials. State Farm is there. They know when you are sleeping, they known when you’re awake.
10:58: Dufresne makes the stink-eye. Who will be 7th best?
Alex, pack ’em up!
Yay! I’ll take another week of LeahRedux to get rid of CMF.
Next Week: Baseball concessions. Rick Moonen!
I’m here live this week! I’m annoyed that they changed it to 10 p.m. this far into the season.
sara, me too, me too. i was liking my early bedtime. (also: welcome!)
Thanks, Michelle! My nieces and nephew were in town for a few weeks and distracted me from my liveblogging. I missed it!
Oh, Wylie. Get a wash and cut.
Slowly melted? Like your brain, Alex.
The dropper’s fiance is in Russia. Mail Order Bride?
Used the 1 hour delay to catch up on my blog. Something tells me the boss won’t care when I’m dragging ass tomorrow trying to stay awake. 9 Pm was perfect!
…The KGB? Timely.
NuLeah sounds excited, as if she even knows what the CIA is.
On the other hand, the older chefs are competent.
Smiley faced cheese. Buying that next time I shop at Whole Foods.
I bet a lot of covert operatives are watching this episode and totally rolling their eyes.
Dr. Zhivago? No one will EVER guess you’re a spy.
Wow, I wish NuLeah would disguise her face.
Wouldn’t Helen Keller have an easier time if she’s only relying on taste? Just saying.
Unedible? Or inedible? Either way, it’s garbage.
Tiffany is the only one to like, right?
I’m feeling vaguely embarrassed for the CIA.
God I hate when people pronounce gyro with an American g. IT BURNS.
Dine and dash: That’s your government working for you!
Now NuLeah has insulted my people.
Is it just me, or is this the most talentless group of chefs ever to be on Top Chef?
Maybe she’ll take Ed instead of her fiance.
Yay, yay, and yay! And then I said, “Who else is there?” Sorry, Kev.
Tom eats frozen tortellini out of a box? The horror!
I think we’ll be saying goodbye to NuLeah. Right?
I hope so. They’ve been featuring her a lot more than CMF.
“You disguised yourselves as poor chefs.” Damn!
Oh frabjous day!
Holy crap, yes! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Alex. On second thought, let it.
Pea Puree Conspiracy. From the first “alien” on Top Chef.
Hey! Rick Moonen is talking there!
Moonen at a baseball game?
When Alex said he was a videographer before becoming a chef, I was totally thinking “yeah,dude you taped porn not weddings.” That’s what’s wrong with him! I bet he knows exactly where to score a hooker & an 8 ball.
My fave part had to be when Alex said that Get Smart had a phone for a shoe. You remember that show right? When the spy guy walked around with a freaking rotary dial on his foot?
Of course I missed it! As if I’m going to remember to stay up that late!
I really wanted to see in what fashion Alex would finally go. *grumble* I’ll have more fun seeing LeaRedux go. I don’t know why she annoys me so much. Maybe it’s because she always seems to be posing instead of cooking?
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