Tonight: Restaurant Wars.
Prepare for the inevitable implosion.
Last Week: Alex was a creepy motherfucker. Pea Pureegate went unresolved. Tiffany kicked some ass. Hopcraft screwed up rice, and packed his knives.
9:02: Of COURSE LeahRedux has an annoying baby morning voice. Of COURSE she does.
Please, no, keep the beast on a leash. I implore you, Shaft. I believe the local ordinance requires one no longer than 6 feet.
QUICKFIRE: Blindfolded tag-team cookoff. Ed chooses Tiffany. You know, because of their imaginary relationship.
9:04: Padma has stolen 1983’s blazer, and a old French sailor’s shirt.
Shaft and Tiffany lead off. Apparently, Shaft is not only a beast, he’s the “preppin’ weapon.” Blargh.
9:07: The Blue Team seems to be working together smoothly, while the Red team, whose downfall was engineered by CMF, is disrespecting the fish with salt.
Guest judge: Nancy Pelosi. Which makes total sense. Top Chef has officially alienated it’s Republican base.
9:08: Is Nancy nervous, or is she having a mild epileptic episode?
Still, she’s a good judge because of her Botox-induced poker face.
9:09: Winner: Blue team, duh.
9:12: Commercials. AT&T is making mobile broadband more afforable to make up for the inability to complete a basic phone call.
9:14: ELIMINATION CHALLENGE: Restaurant Wars. Teams: Shaft, Kevin, Kelly and LeahRedux vs. Tiffany, The Dropper, Ed and CMF. Guest judge: Frank Bruni.
Ouch! Don’t fuck it up, kids.
9:16: “Restaurant Wars is upon us. Let the least worst team win.” (@JeffHouck)
9:18: The Dropper naturally fell into the role of executive chef when he forcibly wrested it from his teammates.
Someone is making a pea puree. Heaven forfend.
Guess who’s taken over the exec chef role on the other team? I’ll give ou 2 guesses, but I bet you only need one.
9:19: Yes, definitely, put your creepiest team member at the front of the house. Then again, it does keep him out of the kitchen.
9:20: The Red team calls it’s restaurant Evoo, one can only assume as a touching homage to master chef Rachael Ray.
9:22: Did The Dropper get into CMF’s secret coke stash?
9:24: Commercials. Mom’s not going to be happy when she sees how you’ve ground all that Chex Mix into the new trampoline.
9:26: Why does he carry that giant spoon? Also: he’s an asshole as a boss.
The low-key techno music of unfortunate juxtaposition plays as Alex is shown browbeating his staff while Kelly… doesn’t.
9:29: Frank Bruni has not eaten a single thing, and already, he is not amused.
9:32: The Red team’s food is going over so-so, but CMF is screwing the pooch with the judges in front of the house. Shocker!
I’ll take another TWO weeks of LeahRedux if we can get rid of CMF tonight.
9:35: Commercials. The Great Food Truck Race: Cramming more Tyler Florence down our throats.
9:37: LeahRedux is cooking grass-fed beef for the first time, on a wood-fired grill she’s using for the first time, because EVERYTHING SHE DOES is for the first time. “This beef is weird.” Again: Blargh.
9:40: Kelly welcomes the judges, which automatically puts the Blue team one up.
Shaft “is not bringing his ego to this particular challenge.” as though it is at all possible for him to do that.
9:41: Did she just say “aL-monds”?
Tom Colicchio spouting fashion rules = cognitive dissonance.
9:43: Bruni: “You can look at it and know you’re not going to get the pleasure from it that you want.” That’s what she said!
9:44: Bruni makes Xtreme bitchface at the goat cheese.
9:47: JUDGE’S TABLE: Red team, you were the last sucky team, so you win. SHUT UP.
We must suffer CMF for another week. And his pea puree is praised. Eh.
Winner: Ed!
9:48: Ed and Tiffany hug! More evidence of their torrid affair!
9:50: Bruni: “I felt like this was a beet salad done through the guise of hamburger helper.”
I told you to watch out, kids.
9:52: The Blue team tries the unprecedented move of throwing someone from the other team under the bus. There’s no music for that!
LOUD NOISES.
9:55: Commercials. I’d hallucinate a purple kangaroo if it meant I’d have great hair, wouldn’t you?
9:57: Kelly’s soup was too thin. Amanda was responsible for one thing and couldn’t do it. Kevin didn’t do too much, though what he did do was good. Kenny horrified us with a baseball of goat cheese.
Fingers crossed for LeahRedux.
9:58: Pack ’em up, Shaft! DAMN IT, there’s no way to get rid of her!
Shaft is not at all bitter.
Next Week: Leon Panetta and Wylie Dufresne, together at last.
Thursday Night Smackdown 
Nancy Peroshki! The hell? Well, she is from SF, we do like food here. I guess.
I’m seriously distracted by Padma’s ill fitting clothes.
Evoo? REALLY?
I’m beginning to think Alex is a saboteur. Or a serial killer living out his dream of killing DC insiders through tiny fish bones.
CMF is more meth, than coke, imho.
First full episode I’ve watched. Has Alex always been an ass?
There’s a restaurant in Boston called Evoo. Also, was anyone else bothered that CMF divided the dishes by boys and girls?
and what’s with the rePEAt of pea puree, this is reminiscence of the foam menagerie.
Eeeeeeeee! DON’T LEAD ME ON THIS WAY.
Woah!!! Twist!
I miss when the chefs were responsible for restaurant decor as well!
D:
Alex reminds me of Mort Goldman from Family Guy.
Speaking as the Republican base I actually found Nancy Pelosi to be a decent judge. It hurts my soul to say it, but she was not bad. How the hell LeahRedux gets by week after week with her ‘I am cute; please don’t send me home looks’ irritates the hell out of me. Truth be told, I am embarrassed for women watching her. There are too many great women chefs for that crap to fly every week.
Complete and utter bullshit. Kenny before NuLeah? Anyone before Alex? And another pea puree and still no one confronts CMF? Although I loved Kevin’s breakdown when he was screaming at CMF (and Kenny’s, too). What a load.
It seemed to me they were giving the Dems and Repugs equal time with Morning Joe and the R senator one week and Nancy Pelose another week. Wait, didn’t Michelle Obama make it on an earlier show? I guess it’s not equal time. Damned liberal media elite!
My head nearly imploded when they called the restaurant EVOO. Really. That phrase is one I would like to never have to be aware of. At least they called it EEVOOH instead of E-V-O-O a la Wretched Ray.
The producers are really becoming masters of manipulation. They made it seem as if the red team was going down and Alex would be booted. Then of course they pull a switcheroo. The judges didnt’ even hate Alex’s food even after he acted like an incompetent boob througout the whole show.
It seems to be the fate of the leader of the losing team in RW to always get the boot. Even my husband, who barely watches the show was horrified to see him go. He was like, “But he has been such a strong leader on this show.” I’d have definitely said boot Leah2. Actualy, I guess Kelly’s food was just as bad, but there is something about her that make me think she’s just too sweet to be booted. When her time comes, I suspect she’ll dissolve in a puddle.
Why can’t I stop watching this train wreck? I think I need help. The fact that they call CMF ‘Skeletor’ does make me laugh out loud…
I’m not surprised Shaft went home. He took on more responsibility than the others and he didn’t handle it well. His two dishes were apparently awful, and then he let Amanda’s and Kelly’s stuff go out when not perfect. I suppose there’s an argument to be made for Amanda going, but if you look at how much he took on and how problematic it was, (as exec chef, he let 4 underwhelming dishes go out), then it totally makes sense.
He started off strong in the competition, but he’s been in the bottom more times than it seems anyone remembers. I’m disappointed, too, because he would have been my early pick to go the distance, but his actual record doesn’t speak well for him here. That being said, I’d guess he’s a pretty awesome chef at wherever he cooks.
I think the judges would have liked to let Alex go, too, but they never pick a loser from the winning team in RW and they wouldn’t entertain it last night either. But you notice they didn’t shut the Blue team down when they complained about it, they just listened and asked questions. You’d think they might have done a “Doesn’t matter and shut up shut up shut up you losey losers”, but no, they wanted to know.
I think CMF should get kicked off for his treatment of the waitstaff alone.
– – Rob