shrimpy shrimp

To the person who hacked my site and installed the malicious code that ate nearly 3 years’ worth of content when removal was attempted:


Fuck you. Fuck you very much.

Of course, fuck me too for not having a backup.* But mostly, fuck YOU.

To everyone reading this that has a blog: leave this post, right now, and go back your shit up. Twice. Then come back.

Okay, wait, I need to say it one more time: FUCK YOU.

*Dear Media Temple Hosting,
If your emergency backup successfully restores my content, I will have ten thousand million of your babies, and I mean that wholeheartedly.


All right, the time for mourning is now over. We must move forward not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling toward freedom! That is to say, no pouting.

Dinner tonight: honey-lime shrimp with jalapeño and coconut rice. A bunch of ingredients you probably already have (minus the shrimp, perhaps), easy as pie and damn tasty.

The shrimp marinate in lime juice, honey, soy and cayenne for about an hour. The marinade recipe is remarkably simple to remember because everything comes in fours: four tablespoons of lime, four teaspoons each of honey and soy and four large pinches of cayenne. I call it The Law of Fours, which is also the name of my forthcoming, poorly-researched book about Illuminati conspiracies in the Catholic Church. (Super-secret twist: Jesus is the son of Xenu and Angelina Jolie!)


While some jasmine rice simmered in a mixture of coconut milk and water, scorched and stuck to the bottom of the pot, I seared the shrimp off quickly in a cast-iron pan.

I also diced a chile to sprinkle over the top for an extra fresh burst of heat. Then I washed my hands thoroughly. Then I rubbed my left eye. Then I roundly cursed the soap I used as my eye started burning. FLAMES, FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE.


I skimmed some non-burned rice off the top of the pot, added a couple of skewers and the jalapeños, and dinner was served after a photo shoot that lasted scant seconds but was still long enough for everything to cool down completely. See? Food blogging life goes on!

The dish was flavorful and satisfying, and light enough for a steamy summer’s day. The honey picked up the shrimp’s own natural sweetness, with the lime as counterpoint. The small amount of cayenne lent a gentle heat, while the jalapeño brought a fruitier, more direct burn. The rice was just coconutty enough to have an identifiable flavor without being cloying.

Ain’t no hackers gonna stop TNS.

Honey-Lime Shrimp
serves 2
1/2 pound shrimp
4 tbsp. fresh lime juice
4 tsp. honey
4 tsp. soy sauce
4 large pinches cayenne
1 tbsp. canola/vegetable oil
1 jalapeño, seeded and diced finely

Mix the lime, honey, soy and cayenne well. I put everything in a jar and shook like hell; it dissolved the honey easily. Pour the marinade over the shrimp and toss to coat. Marinate at room temperature for one hour.

Heat the oil in a heavy skillet over medium-high heat. Add the shrimp – skewered or not – and cook until just done, a minute or two per side, depending on the size of your shrimp. (You could also do this on the grill.)

Remove to a plate. Sprinkle the diced chiles over the top. Serve immediately.

For the coconut rice, just replace 1/2 the liquid you use to cook rice with coconut milk. If you want an extra coconut punch, mix in a few tablespoons of unsweetened dried coconut into the finished product.