pasta, cropped

You can decide you want dinner at 8:45, and still be done in time to watch the new Deadliest Catch. What will those wacky Time Bandit boys get up to next? I ask you.*

*They will (1) catch or (2) fail to catch crab, that’s what.


And if you suddenly decide that you really need a hamburger for dinner, it’s through no fault of the pasta that you’re forced to give in and order take-out. Make the pasta anyway. The pasta never did anything to you, and you can always take it for lunch tomorrow.

For this pasta, she is delicious. Alfredo the way it was meant to be: rich with cheese and dairy sweetness, a gentle sauce that barely naps the pasta. None of this gloppy, heavy bullshit. That’s right, I said it; most Alfredo, especially the crap you usually get in restaurants, is Bullshit Alfredo.


All you need are six simple ingredients: pasta, cheese, butter, cream, salt and pepper. End of story. One pot. Some tongs. Ten minutes. That’s it.


Once your pasta is cooked, you just throw in a few pats of butter, a few handfuls of grated cheese of your choosing, and a turn of the pan’s worth of cream. Toss toss toss, assess texture, add more cheese if necessary and toss toss toss s’more until everything coalesces into a silky coating.


Then eat a small bowlful while you wait for your burger to arrive, marvel at it and pack the rest away for savoring another time. And never eat Bullshit Alfredo again.

I would give you a recipe, but I never measure when I make this and tonight was no exception. Make it once or twice and play around with it, and you’ll get the knack. Trust me.