Today the role of Michelle will be played by me! My name is Karen and I’m an alcoholic. Oh, wait, wrong guest gig.

My bad. My name is Karen and I’m kind of a food blogger. I say “kind of” because I think to truly qualify as a food blogger you a) have to write posts on some sort of regular basis, and b) occasionally people have to read aforementioned posts. So, um, I’m going to stick with “kind of.” I let Michelle sleep at my house one time when we were totally strangers so I think this is some kind of reward/payback for that.


This is a special recipe to me, so you would think I would prefer to post it on my own blog instead of giving it up for Michelle. But you know, I am just extremely benevolent like that, and always putting the needs of others ahead of my own needs. Also, this blog is like a thousand times more popular than mine. I’ve heard that the popularity is somewhat related to all the potty mouth, but I don’t believe it for one moment! I’m sure people are far more interested in the delicious recipes, lovely photos, heartwarming stories, and pithy observations. To be on the safe side, though, let me just say: FUCK SHIT ASS DAMN HELL BITCH.

Wow. That felt surprisingly liberating! I am going to try to make Michelle proud and curse the heck FUCK out of the remainder of this post. (I’ll also be going off on lots of tangents, as an additional homage to the great Miss M.)

Michelle gave me absolutely no direction whatsoever vis a vis this guest post, so I looked through a bunch of previous posts to see what y’all were really into. I noticed that this bacon/toffee/maple/buttercream/cake/wholebunchofothershit extravaganza had garnered quite a bit of attention. Apparently you people like sweet shit that’s kind of complicated and has bacon in it. Fortunately I have just the thing for you.

Disclaimer: Now, I know that nowadays people put bacon in fucking everything, but the first time I made this ice cream was like 5 or 6 years ago, and it was COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY REVOLUTIONARY at that time. People were just not ready for it in those heady days of 2004, as they were worrying endlessly about the major questions of the era, like: How did we allow Abu Ghraib to happen? Will we be able to bring true democracy to Afghanistan? Will the “Friends” finale end with Ross and Rachel together or apart? Is the guy from Maroon 5 gay or straight? Needless to say, it took a few more years for our current bacon-centric world to come into being. Am I saying I invented this whole bacon-in-sweets meme? Maybe. I mean that would be pretty bold. Let’s just say that I invented it about as much as Al Gore invented the internet or Paris Hilton invented being a whore. Oh, wait, I’m not swearing enough. Fuck Al Gore, he can suck it! (I’m kidding, Al, I loved An Inconvenient Truth, and may I just say how much healthier and more relaxed you seem since leaving office? Kudos on the Nobel Peace Prize.)

So now that you know that I invented bacon and global warming and the Internet and the show “Friends”, we can move on to the recipe. You know how when you eat breakfast and at the end everything on the plate is kind of mixed together, so you have syrup on your bacon? That’s how I got the idea for this ice cream. Admittedly I rarely make it because it’s a little bit of a pain in the ass, but every time I do, it’s totally worth it. You have your pancakes, your syrup, and your bacon, but instead of a pesky plate, fork, table, etc. you can just eat it all together in a bowl as ice cream. It’s much more efficient that way. And it’s really fucking TASTY. Suck it, Ben and Jerry.

A few notes: when you reduce the maple syrup, use a big, deep pan. If you do not heed this warning, you will really have a reason to swear. Your invective will most likely sound something like, “Fuuuuuuck, how am I going to clean all this lava-hot maple syrup off my stovetop?” Because that shit will bubble up and boil over like crazy the second you look away. You also might find it expensive/douchey that I made the recipe call for 2 different types of bacon, so you can just use the same kind. I have done it both ways. It is marginally better with the 2 different kinds but it’s not going to ruin it if you use one kind for both purposes. Finally, you might think the ice cream isn’t sweet enough, but the candied bacon is really sweet so it sweetens up the ice cream a lot. Trust.

Fuck! And enjoy.

Pancake Ice Cream with Bacon Candy

Bacon Candy:
2/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup water
2/3 cup pecans, chopped into smallish pieces
1/2 teaspoon allspice
about 6 slices of applewood or maple bacon, chopped into 1/4 in squares and cooked til crispy then thoroughly drained on paper towels

Combine pecans, allspice, and cooked bacon in a bowl and set aside. Put water and sugar in a saucepan. Heat to soft ball stage (238 F).

Turn off heat and quickly nuts, bacon, and spices. Stir vigorously with a wooden sppon over medium heat until it starts the sugar crystallizes and the mixture starts to look white and sandy and comes away from the sides. (When I say vigorously, I mean it. It may take a few minutes but it will always get sandy.)

Pour onto parchment to cool, then break apart into smaller clusters. Set aside and try not to eat them all. You will have a fair amount, though, so you can definitely eat SOME.

Pancake Ice Cream:
2 cups heavy cream
1 cup milk
1 1/2 cups high quality maple syrup (I like grade B)
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup white sugar
7 egg yolks
4 slices smoky bacon, chopped in small pieces and cooked until crisp, then thoroughly drained on paper towels

Put cream and milk in a saucepan and heat until bubbling around the edges. Turn off heat and add cooked bacon. (Yes, it will seem gross. Don’t worry.) Let steep for a few hours to infuse the milk with the bacony goodness.

Heat maple syrup in a deep, heavy saucepan, and let it simmer until it reduces by half (to about ¾ cup). Set aside and cool to room temperature.

With a whisk combine yolks and sugars (not syrup) until slightly lighter in color. Turn the heat on the milk again, and when it starts bubbling around the edges, pour a bit of hot milk into the eggs to temper them. Whisk hot milk into eggs. Repeat the tempering one time. Add the egg mixture back into the remaining hot milk on the stove.

Stir vigorously with a wooden spoon over medium-low heat until the mixture naps on the spoon and is the texture of a creme anglaise. You can test the doneness by pulling the wooden spoon out of the mixture and running your finger across the spoon. If it makes a clear line, the mixture is thick enough. Turn off heat and stir in reduced syrup. Strain through a chinois or fine strainer.

Chill quickly in an ice bath and stir frequently until cold. Cool completely in a container in the refrigerator. Run mixture through an ice cream machine. Fold whatever’s left of the candied bacon in and chill in the freezer to harden.