I said I would give it 24 hours and it’s been 24 hours so I can say it: It’s amazing just how much shit by volume the human neck can hold. And that’s all I’ll say about that, other than sorry about not being as active in the comments as usual.

Below the jump is some awesome shit, the opposite from the kind of shit currently filling what was once a functional esophagus. Whatever, I didn’t really like using those vocal cords anyway.

You work in an office.* I work in an office.

You like sandwiches. I like sandwiches.

You’ve had your sandwiches occasionally stolen by the office bad apple who’s the reason you don’t keep better snacks at work and have to rely on raisins in your desk. You don’t know what to do about this other than resorting to passive-aggressive notes.

I don’t have sandwiches stolen because my office is so small that I would literally be able to sniff out the thief. But if it were to happen, I would be equipped to deal with it without abusing the office printer or raiding the supply of Post-Its: With sandwich bags that make your food look moldy.  Note helpful illustrations for a demonstration.

Sure, it might put you off your lunch; but if that’s the case,  others are definitely off it as well.

Wooden Vikings: They have no inherent relationship to the kitchen, other than I want them for my kitchen table. (People with smaller/no dogs might opt for the coffee table).

They’re fucking cute. And I could use some cute.  If I had them, I could use their little spears to help dig a tunnel through the shit in my throat so I could at least drink some Ensure and keep from wasting away.

(I would never defile adorable wooden vikings in that way, but I had to get one more jab in.)

(Also: MOTHERFUCKER. Sorry, had to get that out too.)

Assist in the shitneck-clearing process: What is the one cute/awesome/wildly overpriced kitchen item you’re currently coveting?**

*Do you not? How have you managed this?

**Totally using ‘shitneck’ as my new favorite insult.

ONE YEAR AGO: Thursday Night Smackdown: I’d Hit That