I want to be genteel. That’s a little difficult to pull off when you’ve spent the past 72 hours tweeting about your bowel problems to total strangers, but I think I could do it if I had this.
(HEY! YOU! Yes you, the person not bothering to go past the jump. Top Chef Masters premiers tomorrow night! Be here, or be somewhere else. But it’s way more fun to be here.)
Try not to be overwhelmed by the gentility of it all. Can’t you just see the garden party, the apothecary spigot jar full of freshly squeezed lemonade, the cut-crystal tumblers, the ladies-who-lunch in matching sundresses and hats eating tea sandwiches? Who wants a jam thumbprint with their Earl Grey?
And then you realize those are the neighbors, and you’re at my house where there are three apothecary jars lined up on the table – homebrew, moonshine, and liquid pork – and it’s your turn to pick which one you want to kneel under with your mouth open.* Wear your best cut-offs!
*Correct answer: Liquid Pork
Thursday Night Smackdown 
I had a bbq on Sunday and had a friend helping me get my shit together. She pulled a glass jar out of my fridge filled with a mysterious white substance [no, not that! mind/gutter/stop/now] and asked WTF is this? DUH. It’s bacon fat. Obviously, liquid pork for the win and gelatinous bacon fat for the place. Bacon-wrapped dates for the show.
Only $268? How can you not buy three?
I saw something similar to this (octagonal and not up on a stem, therefore less genteel, but still glass with a spigot) a couple of years ago, and continue to covet it to this day. It would be improved, as would all things, by the addition of liquid pork.
May I have a jam thumbprint with my liquid pork?
I saw this and thought about how much I’d love to have one. What’s really sad is when I Googled it, yours was one of the least expensive ones out there…guess I’ll have to wait until I win the lotto.
Dude. I seriously just laughed my ass off. Hard. I’ll take the liquid pork with some bacon cubes.