And because it’s a Friday, and I’m feeling magnanimous – meaning I hate people a FULL 25% LESS than I normally do – AND I’m feeling like, dare I say it, a sane person*, I bring you these MULTIPLE AWESOME THINGS, and only one of them is not actually awesome.  Go go Gadget run-on sentence!

*Aaaand I’ve totally jinxed myself. Go me!

bird

Innocent looking little bird, or demon-possessed sky rat?  You tell me:

“The Salt & Peeper Shaker is a little birdy right in your hand and he just wants to please! Turn his head to the right — his eyes change from blue to white and his beak dispenses salt. Turn it left — his eyes turn black and of course his beak pours the pepper. Your guests will be singing when they see this little guy!”

That’s right: his head spins around, his eyes change color, he spews things from his beak, and you are the force that transforms him from blank-eyed automaton to spice-spewing ceramic hellion.  You guests will sing, oh yes, they will sing hymns of prayer and deliverance.  And yet?  He is AWESOME.  Also: bargain priced, for only $11 at Patina.  The devil keeps the price low so as to spread the fear as far and wide as possible.

popcorn

While you’re at Patina, you can pick up this other product which has clearly been inspired by the Devil, or at least by a schizophrenic food scientist who thinks the devil speaks to him:  Tangerine popcorn.

That’s right, it’s all Island of Dr. Moreau up in this popcorn. “This tangy, refreshing Tangerine Popcorn is a sweet snack full of goodness and pleasure.”  It is a happy fun time snack, fun for all the girls and boys!

I don’t even want to contemplate what you have to coat popcorn with to make it taste like tangerines.  I just want to sit in the corner and cry.

bagIf you were to buy the popcorn you would certainly want to carry it around in an ecologically correct manner, and you would DEFINITELY want to carry it in a handmade corduroy snack bag with a monkey on it, along with coordinating napkins upon which to wipe your day-glo orange tangerine popcorn hands so you don’t get that shit all over your keyboard.

Who doesn’t love Etsy?  I defy you to tell me you do not.

These awesome things are brought to you by “I feel bad that I’m not cooking and blogging tonight but I’m going on a date with my smoking husband to see Wolverine so take that” day.  Huzzah!

It’s good to be home.