“I’m a person too, god damn it.”

“I just don’t fucking care.”

“Testicular Prosthetic.”

When I have a few minutes and brain cells to kill, I like to browse the search terms that caused people to uncover TNS.  In the name of a lazy Friday afternoon, here are a few recent Greatest Hits.

“I bet you don’t have an expense account”
No, I don’t.  But know what I do have that you don’t? Friends.

“Counteracting jalapenos in my nose”
In the short term: snort milk.  But if you’ve actually done this, you need more assistance than I am able or willing to give.

“Why do my green grapes have a bad taste?”
Because they’re olives? Just a guess.

“Mother suck my duck”
Not until you improve your touch-typing skills.

“My law degree sucks”
Mine too, my friend.  Mine too.  Thank god it only cost a hundred grand!

“Picture of an ass handed to you on a platter”
If I had such a photo, I would make a thousand wallet-sized copies of it and hand one out EVERY TIME I got a good zinger off.  I’m sure this would make me even more popular than I already am.

“Sorry I can’t talk I’m in a tunnel”
Fuck you, I didn’t want to talk to you either.

“Things to say to get people to come to your party”
Free Beer!”  Or alternatively, “Free Smack!”

“Well twist my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!”
I’m going to start saying this ALL. THE. TIME.  And I’m not even sure what it MEANS.

And last but not least, my personal favorite: “Tobin the Gnome.” Who is he?  Is he a kindly gnome, or a gnarled, under-bridge-dwelling gnome?  Can I purchase a fiberglass version of him to go in the garden?

What’s your best hit of the past month?

BONUS!  For those of you who’ve made it this far, here’s the answer to this week’s Frig? straight from the mouth of original poster Umami, who ate this dish at none other than El Bulli: “Course 19: Savory / spun egg with eggyolk gnocchis. Eggy. Cold. Too much of shaped foods in plasticky membrane skin.Yucky. There was also a rendition of pasta carbonara in a spoon which was more egg yolk than anything else. Fine if eaten warm, but very unpleasant when left to cool.”