Irish steel-cut oats
The breakfast of champions
With maple syrup.

Oats from a packet
With fake apple-cinammon
A food-like product.

Morning-After Steel-Cut Oats for 2
1 cup water
1 cup milk (or, just use 2 cups water)
1/2 c. steel-cut oats (also called Irish oats)
1/2 tsp. salt
handful of toasted, chopped pecans (or your nut of choice)
handful of chopped dried cranberries (or your dried fruit of choice)
maple syrup to taste (*real* maple syrup only, please)

Bring the liquid to a boil in a nice heavy saucepot; if using milk, keep an eye on things to make sure your pot doesn’t boil over, which will leave crusty gunk on your stove that will annoy your significant other until the end of days. Pour in the oats and give ’em a stir. Turn the heat down so the oats are at a bare simmer and cook for 25-35 minutes. After 25 minutes, add the salt and start checking for doneness, the oats should be creamy and porridge-like, but will still be chewy and have a pronounced nuttiness; they’ll pop between your teeth in a whimsical manner wholly unlike rolled or instant oats.

Stir in the fruit and nuts and add syrup to taste. This can be eaten immediately, or refrigerated and re-heated in the microwave in your office the next day; just add a little extra liquid during re-heating.