The Archives
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12.04.08Thursday Night Smackdown: Whores de OrveesYou can't go wrong with the Barefoot Contessa, you just can't; and that Charlie Palmer can whip up a mean citrusy Asian sauce. Unfortunately, you can go hella wrong with bipolar disorder. You may have noticed a lack of recipe posts and an upswing in bullshitty posts, and it's because things are just weird and unstable around here. Y'all are awesome for getting into the non-foodie posts too, but don't think I haven't noticed and don't want things to get back to normal around here. Tonight is not the night that will happen, though: it's late, and actively working to ...
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11.15.08Smackhead, Revisited: You can’t rush reverse osmosisYes, I know I said I was going to make this chicken on Friday night. But Friday nights I'm usually too beat to deal with all the cooking and photographing and writing Claudia's comment in the post postponing this shamed me into giving the chicken another day to salt, EVEN THOUGH the cookbook itself said "one to three days", not "one day is completely unacceptable and offensive why would you even think such a thing." Thus, tonight found me eating The Zuni Cafe Cookbook's roast chicken with some celery root-potato puree courtesy of Bittman (there's a tenth anniversary edition, it's red ...
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11.01.08Thursday Night Smackdown: Kung! Pow! Chicken! Zap!Clearly, although my medications seem to be working and I'm a functional human being, things are not 100% normal, or else I would not be feeling the irrational hatred of Comcast, NetGear, BlueHost, Firefox, Apple, WordPress 2.5.1 and every other technological entity that has erected a barrier between me and this post: flames, flames on the side of my face. It's an unholy hatred, one that makes me want to throw a cast-iron skillet at the iMac. Which I will refrain from doing only for the skillet's sake, because it's seasoned really nicely and I'd hate to have to ...
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10.30.08Comcast can suck my dick.I can't get a fucking signal and I'm about to put my head through the wall. It was all I could do to get this page to load to post these three fucking words about why I can't get the Smackdown up tonight, let alone upload pictures and write more than two sentences. I was too wiped from work to smack down tonight, and then I got myself to do it ANYWAY, and now I can't even write the fucking ENTRY. FUCKITY FUCK. Also I am cranky. I hate Comcast. In the meantime, why not read about some things that probably happened ...
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09.15.08Cheap Ass Monday: Going All Derrida On Your BehindIt warmed my heart to see all you Aqua Teen fans. It's too bad the Wolfen is going to come for you with his razor. This odd transitional season - one-half Indian summer, one-quarter early autumn, one-quarter what the fuck is going on make up your damn mind - calls for an odd transitional dish. Chicken parm was sounding tasty but a bit too heavy, and I didn't want to have to turn the oven on. Instead, I bring you deconstructed chicken parm: pan-seared chicken breasts, tomatoes with lime and cumin seed, and pan-fried smoked mozzarella. Or as I ...
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09.05.08The Dodge & Graham Horse and Pony Jamboree: EpilogueThank god, someone made actual dinner. The Horse and Pony Jamboree was a hell of a lot of fun to watch, but, as you may have gleaned, there was not a lot of finished food produced. It fell to the old guard to produce actual, nourishing food that would keep us sated for more than 15 minutes. You see, the whole day had been hyped as a showdown of new vs. old school: new school being anyone born in 1977 or after who first learned to cook in the current decade (everyone but my brother-in-law Peter), old school being anyone who learned ...
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07.24.08Thursday Night Smackdown: The Horror, Y’all. The Horror.OH DEAR GOD IT BURNS. Lock your doors, pull down the window shades and turn off the lights: Paula Deen & Friends are Living It Up, Southern Style with "Chicken Divan" and you DO NOT want to be there when it happens. I was there and I will never be the same. MAY YOU ALL LEARN FROM MY MARTYRDOM ON THE ALTAR OF BEST DISHES. Somewhere, Edna Lewis is rolling in her grave with such force that the Chinese should be warned that her corpse may suddenly shoot out of the ground like a horrified torpedo, her mouth open ...
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05.22.08Thursday Night Smackdown: Everything’s Better With ButterNothing on this plate is not coated in butter. Nothing! Every time I endure a Smackdown that stretches the boundaries either of food or my patience, I have to do a 180 the next week to recover. That's why this week we turned to a chef who, although she has an entire chapter on meat-based aspics, would never ask me to eat pureed, extruded, poached, fried fish: Julia Child. Or, as I like to call her, La Grande Dame du Beurre. Join me on this buttery journey as we begin to Master the Art of French ...
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05.05.08Let’s appropriate others’ cultural heritages: Happy Cinco de Mayo!Speaking of appropriating: currently on my TV is a commercial for the Mohegan Sun casino with a jingle sung to the tune of "My Sharona." Clever, or harbinger of the end of culture? Cinco de Mayo: A day where office workers everywhere can gather at Mexican chain restaurants for happy hour and get smashed on frozen strawberry margaritas in honor of Mexican independence. Olé! As the rest of us know, Cinco de Mayo is observed mainly in the state of Puebla and commemorates a victory of Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín over the French in ...
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04.24.08Thursday Night Smackdown: Ladies’ Night PoussinYes, I ate a baby chicken and no, I'm not sorry. Dinner tonight comes thanks to douche-baggy pretty boy Tyler Florence's Eat This Book: honey and soy glazed poussin with curried green apples. I should state for the record that I have no real reason to believe that Tyler Florence is a douchebag. It's just a feeling I have, but I'm pretty sure he's That Guy. For example, this recipe comes from a section of the book called "devouring," which contains a collection of recipes with no discernible theme, other than the fact that they're ...
...as of late
- You are so not off the hook
- 2008, Over and Out
- Weekend Frig: Yes, I am 12 Years Old
- Waiting for Santa
- Waterloo du patisserie, deuxieme
- Waterloo du patisserie, le premiere part.
- Cheap Ass Monday: Cuddle up with a big bowl of Cheerios
- I didn’t have a single drink, ocifer.
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