fruit
It’s the name of a town, but it’s also the name of a nut.
One more reason not to like our buyers: because of all the madness, I have not yet had the opportunity to bust out the ice cream maker.
So help me god, I will run you down with this two-thirds sized shopping cart.
Fortunately for me, the condo is now officially under contract. Unfortunately for you, this means you can no longer take advantage of the deal I was going to offer you.
For Sale: 2 Bedrooms, 1.5 Baths, Private Yard, Stargate Not Included
The real estate agent and the lawyer are all like, “Oh, selling a house is so much easier than buying!” But they are liars, and I blame HGTV.
A Reading from the Book of Lowe’s
This weekend was The Perfect Storm of religious observances, and I include among those holy days celebrated “Fix All the Things You’re Been Ignoring About Your Apartment Day.”
Believe it or not, I’m walking on air.
I’m assuming I’m not the only one who’s noticed the extreme proliferation of Food Commemoration Days, like “National Pancake Day” or “National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day” or “National Mung Bean Day.”
Forks? We don’ need no stinking forks.
Dang, y’all are some picky motherfuckers! How I wish my mother were here to read your comments, so she could realize that LOTS of kids have food issues and I was not refusing the lentil soup just to spite her.
You Can’t Teach an Old Dog to Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth
Sometimes, life gives you metaphorical lemons and then you’re supposed to make hay while the sun shines, or some shit like that. Wait, that’s not right.