Awesome Shit That I Want Monday

By far, the best fortune I ever got out of a fortune cookie was: “Don’t worry about it, we all have flaws.” Reassuring!

These days, I mostly get aphorisms that aren’t fortunes at all. As a nation, our fortune cookie writers are experiencing a severe decline.

But these porcelain fortune cookies contain fortunes written by ACTUAL PSYCHICS, as opposed to those generated by the Acme Corp. Prognosto-5000 Automatic Fortune Generating Machine and Cappuccino Maker. I want to have a big bowl of them on the table during my next dinner party (by which I mean “my first dinner party,” because I never throw dinner parties).  I wonder if all the fortunes are upbeat, or if someone will end up with something realistic, like “The canker sore on your bottom lip will negatively impact the blind date you finally agreed to after your sister nagged you for years about her co-worker’s brother,” or “Sorry your cat died. Maybe you should get home now.”

9 thoughts on “Awesome Shit That I Want Monday

  1. My favorite fortune? “Someday you may live on the moon.”

    True story….I saved that one. Bring on the moon houses!

  2. “It is better to save a single life than to build a seven story pagoda.”

    I still hope someone will explain if there is a metaphor or something there, that i just don’t get.

  3. The strangest one I ever had assured me that “Your love of gardening will take on a whole new meaning in your life.”

    The creepiest fortune I ever got was three weeks ago. It said “A short stranger will be entering your life.” A few days later I was telling my friend about the fortune as we got our cookies at a completely different restaurant. He got the same one.

  4. LOVE THESE!!! After a particularly bad stretch where she was ready to jump off a building, I started to make fortune cookies and send them to my daughter in Grad school. Seroiusly, how great is a day that starts with coffee and a fortune about how friggin’ marvelous the day is going to be? Pretty friggin’ awesome!
    And her friends are jealous that her mom cares that much that she not jump off a building.
    I must get a few!

  5. My husband now appears to be somewhat interested in purchasing the Automatic Fortune Generating Machine & Cappuccino Maker. He wonders if the fortunes will read “you are about to start the day with a fantastic coffee”. Oh dear. Still, there might be a marketing opportunity for you there…

  6. @jamie, that’s also pretty excellent. but not as excellent as living on the moon.

    @sugary flower, sadly, a respectable cappuccino cannot be made by an automated machine, so his fortune would probably be more like “you will be tempted to stop off at a good coffee shop on your way to work.”

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