The Shark Was Totally Hoping Tom Colicchio's Jump Would Be Short

You know, because he’s nice and beefy, and Television Shark is hangry. Yes, even in my invalid state, I cannot stay away from The Amazing Race. Oh wait, that was Top Chef? Huh.

A few questions that perhaps the Magical Elves can answer:

  • Why Canada?
  • Why did they have to cook in 22 minutes AND use a mystery ingredient halfway through AND be in gondolas?
  • Since when are Canadian winter sportspersons qualified to judge the finals of a fine dining competition? Quoth one sportsperson: “The first thing I noticed was flavor.” A searing insight!
  • I am still correct in thinking that this is Top Chef, not Top Ice Carver, yes?
  • Is there anyone remaining for whom Sarah is sufferable? Didn’t think so.

And now, a health report.

After a visit to my primary care physician, another trip to the hospital and no less than four different attempts at managing the pain via ever-stronger prescription narcotics, I received the less-than-encouraging news from my doctor that I’m probably just experiencing a muscle spasm and should go to a physical therapist. I’m assuming that physical therapy is less effective when any movement causes level 10 pain, so I was a little doubtful.

So I called in the big guns: I happen to be friends with the Chief of Neurology at NYU who was happy to examine me and then persuade my doctor to at least get me an MRI and increase the dosages of my drugs before shuffling me off to PT.

That’s why I’ll be heading to Hoboken Medical Imaging tomorrow at the ungodly hour of 6:45AM. If there’s a rebellious disc in my spine, it will be swiftly pinpointed and subdued. I’m also a little worried that I may be Linsane in the Membrane, but I’m not sure if that shows up on an MRI. One step at a time.

And in the meantime, the latest cocktail of painkillers is definitely taking the edge off, although it does make typing and thinking a little difficult (so I apologize for any gaffes in this post, especially as Brian has gone to bed already and can’t proof it).

Thank you thank you for the good wishes in your comments and emails. I know you’ve been crossing your fingers for a few days already, but could you keep it up for one more?

Photo by Olivander.

14 thoughts on “The Shark Was Totally Hoping Tom Colicchio's Jump Would Be Short

  1. I know that 6:45 AM sounds like a mythical hour ( I don’t think i have ever seen it PERSONALLY) but the good part is that you will not be waiting in a long line of people , all in terrible pain. If your appt. was for 2 PM, you might not actually get the MRI till 5 or 6, due to emergencies, etc. Good luck; we will be here when you get back.

  2. So glad you didn’t just take their word for it and go for the PT. They misdiagnosed my mother and sent her to a chiropractor when it was actually pneumonia (lung pain equaling upper back pain).

  3. Yikes. Doctors seem to be so little help some times. Have to fight them every step of the way.

    If the MRI doesn’t show anything, the doctor doesn’t know what is wrong, and you haven’t tried it yet, it might be a good idea to talk to a chiropractor. Or even try acupuncture, if you are open to it. I know when my dogs have had striding problems, a chiropractor has been able to sort them out when the vet has no clue. As for acupuncture, its not like it can really make it worse, right? And at this point, might be worth a try. Probably way less painful than PT.

  4. I too encourage acupunture. I have seen it work miracles with back pain on more than one person! Don’t give up! But especially, don’t give in! You know your body, make them listen.
    Fingers crossed for you! Good luck!
    And yes, Top Chef was bizarre, did you think it was the drugs you were on? Alas, no. (although it was great to see sarah fall on her ass over and over!)

  5. hope they solve the problem soon. i know how dreadful chronic back pain is. (4 years and counting but no insurance = no care) feel better soon.

  6. I gave up on Top Chef after last season, but still can’t get enough of your blogs. I really hope you’re feeling better soon! Hugs!

  7. Yay for big guns! I hope the MRI is able to help pinpoint the cause of your pain and you are able to fine relief soon!
    oh, and Sarah? She’s been insufferable to me since the beginning.

  8. I had a similar situation, and MRI and nerve mapping didn’t find much. Yes, herniated disk, possible mild nerve damage. But the best thing they gave me was a round of prednisone. It was GREAT! AND, a mild muscle relaxant/anti anxiety called Clonopan was REALLY helpful. Good luck!

  9. I hate Sarah with the fire of a thousand torches. Partially because she’s insufferable and looks exactly like Peter Pettigrew from Harry Potter. Partially because she’s a horrible bitch. And partly because I spent $400 eating at her restaurant in Chicago, and it WAS SO OVERHYPED. I was really disappointed that I wasted a night there, when I could have gone back for Alinea part 3 or Tru or anything Rick Bayless (again) or Trader Joe’s gummi penguins.

  10. Michelle, I’m still thinking about you, and your pain, and hope that it comes to an end very soon! After my kidney stone debacle last summer, and the hoops I had to go through for pain relief, I so very much know the kind of thing you’re going through. Please get well soon! :)

  11. Glad to hear you finally found out from your Bestie what the hell has been going on! And I hope this final “pain management” phase goes by quickly! And you’re back up and at ‘em (and off Pinterest!) soon! :)

    In the meantime, I think Top Chef has totally jumped the shark and the oyster and the San Antonio Riverwalk and all. And IF Sara OR Lindsay win this season, I’ll be done with Top Chef. Aside from the fact that both of them have been bullies royale, they both have the most annoying personalities ever. Yes, Lindsay, we know you work with Michelle B. Who, btw, has now fallen a few rungs off the olde ladder if she raised YOU in a kitchen.

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