Liveblogging Top Chef All Stars: Finale, Part Two

It all comes down to tonight. I guess we’re all rooting for Blais, because really, what other option do we have?

Last Week: The week of Tweests. The cheftestants cooked “last meals” for some famous chefs; Antonia got Morimoto, so you kinda knew she was screwed. Predictably, she got the knife, and now we’re stuck with a Mike Isabella-Blais finale.

After reading comment #1 on the thread below, I’m even pissier.

10:01: Blais would rather have gone up against Antonia, because he thinks girls can’t cook.

10:02: FINALE CHALLENGE: Create the restaurant of your dreams. So, restaurant wars redux.

Brian: “I want a recording of Eric Ripert saying ‘You are a weener’ to listen to every morning.”

10:03: Each restaurant must create a four-course tasting menu.

10:04: Blais: “I’m the underdog.” Isabella: “No, I’m the underdog.” Sigh.

10:05: Eliminated chefs must create an amuse bouche to determine who will act as the finalists’ sous, while Richard and Mike talk about who they don’t want. It’s Jamie. Because, you know, NOT Top Scallop.

10:06: Blind tasting of the amuses determine who gets who. If Jesus loves me, Mike will get Marcel.

Come on, Jesus.

10:07: Blais ends up with Spike, Angelo and Antonia. Isabella gets Tiffani, Jamie (yes!) and Carla.

Mike refers to his team as “my angels.” RETCH.

10:09: Mike’s restaurant is called Izz, because he has no creativity; Richard’s is Tongue in Cheek.

10:11: YOU DON’T HAVE TO YELL, PADMA. YOU HAVE A MICROPHONE.

10:13: Commercials. I don’t believe that the “Little Fockers” gag reel is actually “hilarious,” not for a minute.

10:16: Everyone is better and more mature than they were on their seasons, so they say. Show it, don’t say it.

10:17: Richard’s kitchen is awash with nitrogen mist. Shocker. Antonia is on the beets, Spike’s on the Captain Crunch.

10:18: Until he’s not, because Blais is switching to foie gras ice cream.

10:20: Tom reminds us for the second time that “Chef” means “Boss.” I think it also means “person who can cook.”

10:21: I don’t know if you knew, but Blais choked in his season. Just in case you were unawares.

Lidia!

10:24: Commercials. Do I want to see “Win Win”? Because, you know, Paul Giamatti. Ick.

I think Gail is already drunk. 30 seconds, really?

10:26: Judges: Lidia, Hubert (squee!) Alfred Portale and Bill Turlato.

Richard’s first course is hamachi and sweetbreads. He sends Spike out to be his spy, because you never see him coming wearing that hat.

10:28: Mike’s judges are Art Smith and Curtis Stone. What’s with the judge differential?

Mike’s first course is…beets.

10:29: I know I should be happy that Art Smith has lost weight, but I kinda miss huggable Art Smith.

Mike’s second course: steamed halibut with kumquat.

10:30: Blais’s second course is black cod and pork belly; his third is a beef short rib.

10:31: Mike’s third is a pork shoulder with pepperoni sauce, which everyone loves although it sounds vile. He’s sucking up to Tom.

10:32: Mike’s fourth course is…really just flan. Art Smith: “I don’t like the way it feels in my mouth.” That’s what she said!

Richard does the foie gras ice cream. It’s “controversial.”

10:34: Judge switcheroo.

10:37: Commercials. Where is Bourdain in this finale? Wasn’t he supposed to be an official judge this season?

10:39: Pointless interlude of sous talking about how much they respect their chefs. Expect for Spike, who apparently had nothing nice enough to say.

Live Padma is a PROBLEM.

10:43: Richard wants to exercise his demons. I suggest Zumba.

10:44: Winning Top Chef would be the best thing that ever happened to Richard. So, you know, sorry about that, Richard’s kids.

10:46: JUDGES’ TABLE. Mike: “The hardest part of this season was every part of it.”

THERE WERE NO GIRLS IN THE KITCHEN. THERE WERE WOMEN IN THE KITCHEN.

10:49: Why should you be Top Chef? Blather blather showing who I am blather greatest moment of my career blather blather.

THERE’S NO CRYING IN TOP CHEF.

10:50: Mike gets his wife and parents, Richard gets…Uncle Scott.

10:52: The first course goes to Richard. And the second. The third goes to Mike. And dessert’s a bit of a toss up.

10:55: Commercials. Is there a way that we, as a nation, can force Robert DeNiro to retire from appearing in films?

10:59: Richard, you were strong all season; Mike, you came on strong at the end.

Top Chef = RICHARD.

THANK GOD. Legions of fans won’t have to give up on Top Chef now!

Thanks, everyone, for spending this season with me!

81 thoughts on “Liveblogging Top Chef All Stars: Finale, Part Two

  1. Just to wrap up from last week:

    http://www.tvguide.com/News/Exclusive-Chef-Shocker-1031060.aspx

    “Wolfgang Puck initially indicated that he preferred cheftestant Antonia Lofaso’s single bite of grouper to Mike Isabella’s surf-and-turf concoction. [b]After chatting with head judge Tom Colicchio during a break in filming, Puck changed his mind, and Antonia was sent packing by a 4-3 judges margin.[/b]

    Colicchio swore he hadn’t influenced Puck’s decision, but joked, “I smell scandal!” Fellow judge Gail Simmons laughingly declared it “Bahamas-gate.” In the end, producers decided to leave the switcheroo out of the episode “because the discussion happened off-camera,” exec producer Dan Cutforth later explained. “So there was no real way to do that in the format of the show.””

  2. Jess: Someone at work told me that story today. That totally sucks.

    Can I still hope that Carla will magically return and take the whole thing?

  3. Did Tiffani just suggest a Rufee cream cheese? THAT”S how Mikie got someone to marry him! They tell you to watch out for the spiked drinks. No one worries about the appetizers.

  4. Did Padma seem more stoned than usual? And Antonia – just because you got a souvenir net after diving for conch doesn’t mean you have to wear it during the airing of the finale. Just saying’…

  5. For some reason, Richard? It’s because you’re nuts. Also: substituting foie gras for Cap’n Crunch? RETCH!!!

  6. You know what? I always thought that Tom’s favorite is Richard. And so maybe he thought Antonia could beat him, so he wanted Mike on the finale.

  7. Ooooh…Collaboration is sexy. Also, Richard, you will NEVER be a bridesmaid OR a bride. Not even in San Francisco.

  8. Commercial: Pregnancy CONCIERGE?!? Are they spending their pregnancy at the Hotel Dixie? Also, NONE of these women should be allowed to have a baby, much less keep one.

  9. Richard is worried about his “ahmuus-ay” …LOL

    Also, remember from previous challenge that Spike is a very bad spy. Ask Antonia.

  10. Anyone else think Richard said he wanted the ice cream to be crumbly only because it turned out that way? He went all Pee Wee Herman: “I meant to do that.”

  11. What would I do without your live blogging? We stopped cable and I love your posts, been following EVERY WEEK and I cannot wait to find out who’s going to win! I know, sad. I should just get cable. THANK YOU! Please, Richard.

  12. For the judges question portion of the pageant, I give it to Richard by a chive’s breadth. He said he wants to make guests happy. Mikie — me me me me…yawn

  13. Commercial: Someone thought a SECOND remake of Arthur was a good idea? Did the first remake not lose enough money?

  14. I don’t feel like dealing with Andy Cohen and possibly drunk Gail and Padma for the next half hour…I’ll check the internet to see who gets fan favorite…goodnight everybody!! :) See you when Top Chef Masters starts!

  15. Once again, Mike is dismissing all the women in the competition. And even Andy Cohen, with the one eye he can focus with at a time, thought Spike was a lousy spy.

  16. On watch what happens live:

    Mike Isabella- “I cooked from my heart.”

    My husband’s response, “yeah and Richard’s little black notebook.”

  17. Kind of surprised you didn’t call them out on this – the phrase and I presume corrent name of Richard’s restaurant would have been “Tongue In Cheek”, which Bravo insisted on calling “Tongue & Cheek” even on the damn printed menus. Ugh!

    Wish I still had a friend with cable & a laptop I could use to liveblog.. sad sad…

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