Liveblogging Top Chef All Stars: Finale, Part One

Tonight: Mike Isabella wins, and we all cry. Right? And someone has to cook Morimoto’s last meal; I hope he picks fish noodles.

Last Week: Many opportunities for conch jokes were bypassed. The chefs cooked on the beach for the Nassau Branch Davidians/Yacht Club, and the wretched Isabella won the day. Tiffany served cold soup, and had to pack her knives.

10:01: Let’s go, Black Hammer! Boys club, schmoys club.

10:02: QUICKFIRE: Assign a classic Quickfire challenge to your competitors. Mike gives Antonia the canned foods. Antonia gives Richard hot dogs. Richard gives Mike the one-pot challenge.

Also: ENOUGH WITH THE “COUSINS.”

10:04: You can use the pressure cooker as your one pot? I thought it was just a pot pot. Not sure how I feel about this, but my feelings about Mike might be clouding my judgment.

Then again, he’s making beenie weenies, so he can dig his own grave.

10:05: A TWEEST! Dumb.

10:06: Richard takes utensils away from Mike. Antonia makes Richard cook with one hand. Antonia has to go double-apron with Carla, and not in a dirty way.

10:09: Whoa, Richard’s plate looks vile. Brian: “He’s got some balls serving that to Wolfgang Puck.”

10:11: Commercials. If you don’t have an iPhone, you should probably just eat worms and die.

10:14: Antonia, your soup was good if too concentrated. Mike, your pork was slightly undercooked. Richard, you made a ketchup sandwich, and he says “sandwich” like it’s a total insult.

10:15: WINNER: Mike. GOODAMMIT.

10:16: Every time Mike wins a challenge, the rage grows.

10:17: ELIMINATION: Prepare and serve the last suppers for Puck, Morimoto and Michelle Bernstein.

Mike picks Michelle, and assigns Morimoto to Antonia and Puck to Richard. There’s a TWEEST envelope that will fuck things up later.

10:18: Puck wants goulash with spaetzle and apple streudel. Bernstein wants fried chicken and biscuits and gravy. (Yes!) Morimoto wants miso soup and sashimi.

10:21: “Who dresses Mike D? Chess King?” (via @JeffHouck)

Mike, be honest about why you gave Antonia Morimoto: you’re trying to shaft her. You thought Bernstein would be easy. Just admit it.

10:23: What would your last meal be? I think mine would be my Zia Liliana’s lasagna.

10:25: Commercials. If you don’t have an iPhone, we could never be friends, because you obviously suck.

10:28: Colicchio looks strangely smiley. I don’t trust it.

10:29: Antonia has some near-rancid fish. Between that and her crying talking-head, I worry. I worry a lot.

10:30: Richard Blais, Top Chef choker. He’s like the Dave Mustaine to Top Chef’s Metallica.

10:31: I can’t even try to keep track of the seventeen different things in Antonia’s bento box.

10:33: A mustard and Swanson Stock gravy, that is. Also, pea puree!

10:35: He put ras el hanout in the fucking STREUDEL. The man has no scruples. And I was about to give him props for making streudel dough with no recipe.

10:37: Richard is getting rave reviews. No so much? Antonia. Sigh.

10:38: JUDGES’ TABLE. Mike, your chicken would have been perfect, except for the juiciness. And the breading. Richard, your dish was spot on. Antonia, your dish was “interesting.”

10:39: Richard is through to the finale.

Antonia and Mike, time for the secret envelope Tweest. I mean, we’ve got 20 minutes left to kill here, right?

10:42: Commercials. Apparently, we’re going to be subjected to Andy Cohen during next week’s finale. Super!

10:43: Pointless interlude. What could be in the Tweest envelope? We’ll tell you…after more commercials.

10:45: More commercials. Fair Game: the best spy movie that no one ever saw.

10:46: THE TWEEST: You have 45 minutes to make one perfect bite.

So the point of the actual challenge was what, exactly?

10:48: Mike wants to be original, so he’s going for beef tenderloin and lobster tail, which is TOTALLY original. Personally, I would make lobster stuffed with tacos.

10:49: “What would an “aggressive” dish be? Would it be like a bear wrapped around a shark? ” (via @roadtohell)

10:50: Antoinia’s dish looks lovely. Mike’s got a lot going on. Neither one of them is one bite.

10:51: Mike is getting tepid reviews, probably because the editors are trying to fuck with me.

10:52: Colicchio looks upset with Wolfgang says he liked Antonia’s. Bias, much?

10:55: Still more commercials, which is the real point of the Tweest. If you don’t have an iPhone, you probably shouldn’t bother leaving the house.

10:57: Antonia, your dish was aggressive but good. Mike, your tartare was bland but your sauces were punchy.

ENOUGH WITH THE COUSINS.

10:58: Antonia, pack ‘em up. GODDAMMIT.

Next Week: Create the restaurant of your dreams. Blais is nervous. I am too, about a Mike Isabella victory.

Thanks for spending this hour with me, everyone!

91 thoughts on “Liveblogging Top Chef All Stars: Finale, Part One

  1. @Jesse right. There’s this, the actual finale, then the reunion. Or possibly reunion then actual finale, I’m not sure.

  2. Blais has seemed defeated the past few days. I think he’s going to pull a Jennifer. Starts the season strong and falls apart at the end.

  3. Richard looks like he’s dissociating. If he starts speaking in a little girl’s voice, back out of the room. Slowly.

  4. two days later… just saw TC. Following this mornings rerun was a new Bravo show “Marcel’s Quantam Kitchen” all I can say is WTF.
    Back to TC… sorry to see Antonia go as I’m tiring of Blais’ self loathing and Mike’s self worship. That said I’ll take self loathing for the win. Can’t believe no one mentioned Padama’s electric dress, trying to figure out where she hid the batteries.
    Thanks for the witty commentary…looking forward to the finale.

  5. I am seriously the first to catch the Simpsons refrence?

    Bring us your finest food stuffed with the second finest!
    Very good choice sir. Lobster stuffed with tacos.

    The mention of it made me smile. Thanks for that.

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