Liveblogging Top Chef All Stars: Episode 11

Tonight, Paula Deen, so expect a challenge involving lots of fat. Also, Marcel returns, which really just seems wholly unnecessary. We haven’t had time to miss him, have we? Didn’t think so.

Last Week: The cheftestants made cookies for the Muppets, and were then sleep-deprived and locked in a Target, which could cause anyone to oversalt their soup. Angelo got the knife.

10:00: Dale is riding high after his double win last week, which makes him decidedly less angry. But since his nickname is Angry Dale, he better get his shit together.

10:02: Blais has notebooks filled with plans and details and drawings, because he is not at all some kind of serial killer/bomber.

Paula Deen’s hair is feathered like the wings of a majestic eagle who has been pinned to the earth by Aqua Net.

10:03: Paula Deen won an Emmy? Really?

QUICKFIRE: Deep fry some shit on up.

10:04: Dale: “Paula Deen is the opposite of my flavor spectrum.” Because her spectrum only goes from sour cream to mayonnaise.

10:05: Blais is deep-frying mayo that’s been hardened in liquid nitrogen. Which, on one hand: Oh, Blais. But on the other, we are talking about Paula Deen.

Of course, I’m not sold on the coffee-lime thing.

10:08: Did you know that Tiffany is from Beaumont, Texas? Because she is.

10:09: Culinary plagiarism! Mike and Blais, where has the love gone?

Mike: “If you’re gonna win, win. If you’re gonna lose, go in the fucking corner.” Wha?

10:12: Commercials. I have come to accept that my hair will never be as shiny as the hair product commercial ladies.

10:13: The bottom: Dale and Carla. That can’t feel good.

10:14: The top: Antonia, who loses out because she only plated one dish. And Richard and Mike the Thief.

Winner: Mike. SCANDAL!

10:15: John Besh!

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE: Cook gulf coast seafood for a charity fundraiser.

10:16: Sous chefs: the eliminated contestants.

10:17: Mike takes Tiffany, Richard takes my Fabio, Carla takes Tre, Tiffany CHOOSES Marcel, Antonia takes Spike and Dale takes Angelo.

Like a fool, I had assumed one would only be saddled with Marcel out of necessity, not choice.

10:19: Mike: “Gumbo, that traditionally has potatoes, right?” Sigh.

10:21: Marcel made a funny!

The Fabio-Blais romance is back full-force. Carla is wearing a macrame basket.

10:23: Notebook-gate: It’s the new pea puree.

“Jersey Mike is in desperate need of a punch in the anus. Just sayin’.” (via @JeffHouck)

10:25: Commercials. The Adjustment Bureau: do I want to see it or not? Discuss.

10:28: Dale is whining about the number of people in the kitchen. Didn’t this season start out, with like, 18 people?

Antonia, channelling Tom, is determined to honor the seafood.

10:30: The last-minute scurry seems worse than usual. Blais is causing a chemical spill in the corner. Dale is still whining.

10:31: One thing to be glad about: the general lack of Spike in the episode, despite his presence.

10:32: Jonathan Waxman!

10:34: Hey, there’s a fancy chef table off in the corner! Waxman, David Burke, Carmen Gonzalez. I want to hang out at that table.

10:36: Paula Deen makes quite a face when she tastes Carla’s collards. And not in a good way. Here’s hoping that someone messes up worse than she does. Like maybe Tiffany.

10:37: Or Dale.

10:38: Antonia’s dish looks outstanding. I would eat the hell out of that crab.

10:39: Brian: “I think John Besh has been practicing his non-regional diction, but sometimes he slips.” Holla, Anchorman.

10:42: Commercials. Brian: “My eye is twitching like crazy. I think it’s because of Marcel.”

10:43: Pointless interlude. Spike, shockingly, does not make a good spy.

10:47: JUDGES’ TABLE. The top: Antonia, Richard and Mike.

10:48: Watching Mike flirt with Paula Deen is not a pretty thing.

Winner: Blais! He gets a trip to Barbados and $5k.

10:49: The bottom: Carla, Tiffany and Dale.

10:51: Flavor warfare!

Carla has disrespected the fish.

10:53: Paula: “My mouth was wanting one thing, but it got another.” That’s what she said! Literally!

Everyone’s fucked up fairly badly. So, who goes?

10:55: Commercials. Red Lobster offends me.

10:56: Chefs, you all failed to honor the fish. Dale, you buried it. Tiffany, you killed it with honey. Carla, you went overboard with the mustard and hot sauce.

10:57: Dale, pack ‘em up.

10:58: Angry Dale is having a special moment.

Next Week: Padma comes to visit, family stops by, and we’re cooking on a ferry.

47 thoughts on “Liveblogging Top Chef All Stars: Episode 11

  1. Watching SciFi (SyFy?) tonight, I’ve seen way too many previews for his show. It does not look exciting or interesting; but i might just be biased.

  2. Also, I’m going on record to say I like Richard. He uses a little too much (or a lot too much) nitrogen. Sometimes he’s a little pompous, but I feel like he has the skills to back it up. I appreciate that and am intrigued by a lot of stuff he puts together.

  3. @Sarah – I think there’s a difference between asking for help/collaborating and giving some credit even if it’s not at judge’s table and outright stealing an idea, taking all the credit and not even looking the person in the eye. My guess is that’s the part that’s going to cause the drama-rama for the rest of the episode.

  4. sorry. was all fired up over stupid mike. that’s what i’m calling him now.

    I’m starting to wonder if the producers made Paula pick stupid mike to add insult to injury/cause more drama.

  5. For reals, yo. For reals.

    Also, Mike steals his idea, mocks Antonia and then won’t even say anything at all to Richard’s face just in the interview/confession room? Bad form dickweed, bad form.

  6. Paula (or as she’s known in my house The Whore of Smithfield) has a weave. She told Rosie O’Donnell on her crapfest party show. The Aqua Net is probably trufax cos that’s what they use in the Sooth. I’ll bet she huffs it. And,whoa,an Emmy?WTF?? Didn’t know there was a category she even qualified for.

  7. Oh Dale…I knew he was toast when Tom said his dish tasted like a hot dog. Disrespect the fish – end up in the bottom. Obliterate the fish….well…

    And then he cried. Didn’t expect that…*sniff*.

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