Last Week: Marcel got all up in Dale’s fizz-ace, gangsta style. There was fishing, which is as interesting to watch on television as one might expect. Carla won a trip to Amsterdam, while Jamie (yes!) and Tiffani (wha?) got knifed.
10:01: In Antonia’s flashback, I recognize exactly none of the people from the older seasons. Zoe who?
Must we declare it “girl power”? We are grown-ups, are we not?
10:03: Le Bernadin! I will go there one day, oh yes, I will.
Fabio: “Seeing Justo cut the fish, give me tears.” This man could slice you before you even knew he was there.
10:04: QUICKFIRE: Break down a cod and a fluke. Ten minutes. Go.
10:05: Brian, on Marcel: “Yes, because you’re a bad-ass. I bet you rapped about it.”
Fabio filets his thumb instead of the fish.
10:07: Much fish has been disrespected on this day.
The top: Dale, Richard, Mike and Marcel. They get 45 minutes to create a dish out of the fish scraps, winner gets immunity.
10:09: Mike Isabella just called Marcel a dick. Pot, kettle. Kettle, pot.
“No man, that’s my chinois.” Yes, a bad-ass indeed.
10:11: Enough with the yuzu, please. Who do you think you are, Angelo?
10:12: Everyone’s done a pretty good job, which doesn’t given Anthony Bourdain much to do. Winner: Dale!
10:14: Commercials. Who still drives a Buick Roadmaster wagon? SO GAUCHE.
10:15: Hey, Ed Lover is still alive! Who knew?
You know, I call shenanigans that they were at Le Bernadin but we didn’t get any Ripert. THE PEOPLE DEMAND MORE RIPERT.
10:16: Ludo! He looks rounder than he did on Masters.
ELIMINATION CHALLENGE: Restaurant Wars. Create a pop-up restaurant. Team Captains: Dale and Marcel.
10:18: Marcel ends up with Angelo, Mike, Antonia and Tiffany. Angelo is the only one who manages to be diplomatic about it.
Dale gets Blais, Tre, Fabio and Carla. Front of the house gold!
10:19: Marcel is all about “assembling a motherfucking team.” You’re not the superfriends, bucko.
10:21: “Tiffany’s reaction to Marcel would have been the same had he asked, “Want some of my herps?”” (via @LillyJ)
10:22: Team Dale is going with “bodega” as a concept. Will diners be able to buy over the counter antibiotics?
10:23: Angelo continues to be charitable toward Marcel even as he proves completely unable to take the reins of his team.
10:24: Commercials. Have you seen “The King’s Speech” yet? No? That’s a mistake on your part.
10:25: So, what’s up with this edit? Are they making Marcel’s downfall THIS heavy-handed, or are we in for a big shocker?
10:26: Marcel isn’t sure he can motivate “strong personalities,” aka “people that fundamentally dislike me.”
10:28: Tom Colicchio: Also doesn’t like Marcel. “It’s a weird energy.”
10:29: By the way, Restaurant Wars winner walks off with 10 grand.
10:30: Marcel is harping on Tiffany like Blais on Fabio last ep. But it’s somehow worse, because, you know, it’s Marcel.
10:31: Another foam? For serious? Do I have to say it? This is Top Chef, not Top Foam. There, you made me do it.
10:33: I could listen to Fabio say “Good eve-e-ning” all night.
Hey, it’s dour Dana and her amazing protruding collarbone!
10:34: Two seconds into service, and Dale is about to bodily attack the waitstaff who are doing nothing more than standing around waiting for food to deliver. Down, Dale, down.
10:35: “All we need now is a perfect service.” Sure, and all I need now is a million dollars and a hot poolboy. Well, and a pool.
10:37: I gotta say, for Restaurant Wars? Not a terribly interesting ep.
Commercials. Maybe I’m being high-minded, but I refuse to believe that “The Dilemma” holds ANYTHING for me.
10:38: “I think “Restaurant Wars” is contributing to the acrimonious discourse in this country. I blame Sarah Palin.” (via @JeffHouck)
10:41: I think Fabio breaks his English up extra-special the more he’s gotta schmooze. I can’t say that it doesn’t work on me.
10:42: Fabio is like a maestro conductor working the front of house staff.
10:44: The hired diners are taking their jobs quite seriously, aren’t they?
10:45: I think Team Dale just had the best service of any team during Restaurant Wars, ever. Team Marcel is already losing points just for not having Fabio.
10:47: Tiffany seems hopped up on Red Bull. Also, she just said “EVOO,” which means automatic hate.
10:49: Marcel tries to take hold of his team, and it is nothing so much as laughable to watch.
10:50: “It’s something…steaming.” Yes, it’s Marcel’s pile of crap. I mean, foam.
10:51: Kiss those babies and shake those hands, Fabio.
10:54: Commercials. I’m pleased to report that search engine overload has not turned me into a blithering idiot. Somehow, life goes on without Bing.
10:56: Pointless interlude. Dale got the boot on his season; Fabio, not surprisingly, loves it. Thanks, pointless interlude! I learned even less that usual.
10:58: You know, if there were fewer commercials, this episode wouldn’t have to be an extra 15 minutes long. I’m just saying.
11:00: JUDGES’ TABLE: Team Marcel gets called in first…as the losers. 17 of 76 diners dug ‘em. Ouch!
11:01: Mike looks incredibly nervous, but I think we all know who’s going home.
11:02: The judges seem to hate Marcel as much as his team does.
11:04: He said, he said. Mike is actually not an ass about it, but guess who is? I’ll give you two, but I bet you only need one.
11:06: Winners: Bodega!
11:07: Hasn’t Bourdain used that “stoner food at its finest” line before?
Ultimate winner: Blais.
11:08: Dissection of Team Marcel. No one did anything right, the end.
Bourdain: “Prison breaks are organized with more efficiency and teamwork.”
11:10: Commercials. Okay, screw the commercials. If they send Tiffany home for poor service over the shitstorm that was Marcel, I quit.
11:12: Chefs, you all sucked it. Antonia, too salty. Mike, you were middling. Tiffany, service was bad and so was your dish. Marcel, you let things fall to pieces. Angelo, you ducked out of the way to avoid the trainwreck.
11:13: Marcel, pack ‘em up!
Marcel: “I didn’t really make any mistakes.” Except for ALL OF THEM.
Next Week: Things on fire. Fabio in the weeds.