Liveblogging Top Chef Just Desserts: Episode 9
And then there were four. The cheftestant loft is mostly empty now, and the remaining chefs pretend to be sad. Then: bon-bons!
Last Week: Morgan crush vase, Morgan straight man, Morgan angry.
10:01: Something about watching Yigit shave is like watching a 7-year-old shave.
10:02: Francois Payard looks like he stepped off the set of The Sopranos. He scares Zac out of his pants, and he scares me a little, too.
10:03: QUICKFIRE: Tell your life story through a box of four chocolates. Go.
10:05: The Bon Bon Technique is the name of my new band.
Morgan was married. To a woman. Because he is STRAIGHT. But then his marriage didn’t work out, because his wife found out he was gay.
He’s making a bitter chocolate to symbolize it, because it is not at all predicable.
Yigit, meanwhile, is partnered with his identical twin. Not at all creepy.
10:07: Zac, she does NOT look like Marilyn Manson. He has much cleaner hair.
10:08: Gail looks purty.
Zac is hiding the pastry bags, and that is not a euphemism.
10:10: Commercials. Top Chef All Stars! But: Mike Isabella. So I don’t know how to feel.
10:13: Zac grew up in Maine, so he made a lobster truffle.
Payard is terse, which only seems fitting.
10:14: Danielle’s truffles look like something my preteen niece made during arts and craft at camp.
10:15: Morgan is throwing foreign-inflected words around like Alex Trebek is up in here. Also, shut up, Morgan.
“What I am enjoying is the incredibly thorough and complete way in which Top Chef is explaining complex chocolatier terms.” (via @JeffHouck).
Word.
10:17: Winner: Morgan. Maybe now he can stop being so angry and paranoid. But probably not.
10:18: ELIMINATION: Ben is a very clean old man. He’s celebrating his 61st anniversary, and is telling a long winded story about it. Make him a cake to shut him up.
10:21: Danielle, I don’t think you could ever be described as “stealth.”
10:24: Commercials. I’ve ALWAYS said that Camille is a liar.
10:25: Ben’s wife: Sylvia Weinstock. Brian: “Is she a real person?”
Her husband looked like an old man even as a young man. They once smooched under a piano.
10:27: Morganza, unsurprisingly, liked the part about smooching under the piano. Also, no, he has not become any less paranoid.
10:28: DO NOT MAKE A GREY CAKE. Have you never seen Steel Magnolias?
10:30: Zac’s blue cake is the color of a Titanic themed cake I once made for a friend in college. It was so blue, you could taste the blueness. I fear for him.
10:31: No, ALL OF YOU shut up.
10:33: Zac was unsatisfied with his cake, so he decides to shit disco dust all over it.
Sylvia’s friend’s husband is rocking a giant ‘stache. Sylvia is resplendent in a sequined collar.
10:34: Sylvia’s reaction to the grey cake: priceless. And not in a good way.
10:36: Zac’s cake: I think my Titanic cake looked better, even with the plastic boat jammed into the middle of it. And the Swedish fish.
Sylvia: “It would be a great Bar Mitzvah cake.” Heh. Love her.
10:39: Coming up – Morgan: still not gay.
Brian: “So what, is he slamming the gays now? And by that I mean insulting them, not any kind of innuendo thing.”
10:41: Commercials. I can’t wait for Tangled. Oh wait, yes I can.
10:43: Pointless interlude. Morganza relies on rituals, like reading entrails.
10:45: More commercials. Can’t wait for Morning Glory either.
10:46: Morganza, no one is listening to your mountain climbing metaphor, me included.
10:48: “I’ve seen miso soup thicker than poor Zac’s whispy faux hauk.” (via @JeffHouck).
No one else flavored their buttercream? For reals? It’s never occurred to me to make an unflavored buttercream.
10:49: Morganza, you did a bunch of things wrong. But Johnny Bravo is imprevious to your death glare. It’s all the hair product.
10:50: Morgan and Zac are picking at each other like monkeys picking nits, to no end whatsoever. Not that that part is anything new. Though it is rare to get bus-throwing and latent homophobia in the same interaction.
10:53: Commercials. So who’s getting the boot?
10:56: Winner: Danielle! Who does jump up and down like a little girl.
10:57: Morgan, you played it safe. Zac, you brought too much Zac to the table. Yigit, you tried to do too much.
10:58: Zac, pack ‘em up.
Next Week: Lots of excuses to Danielle to make faces. Yigit is a phoenix rising from the ashes. And unBalaban!
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Can Yigit not shave in the bathroom because Danielle is eating her cereal in there?
Life is like a box of chocolates…
Wow, Zac. I mean, Danielle’s annoying, but that’s ass. Oh, and hiding the piping bags? You’re super annoying.
sara, re: the shaving comment: heh.
Mike Isabella makes me feel very, very sad.
Morgan’s looks the nicest, of course.
And these people are the WORST.
Michelle: I cringe when I see people shaving outside the bathroom. I’ve seen guys shave in their cars. Not only is that gross, but also it’s totally dangerous. You could cut yourself! I mean, you could crash your car!
Has Danielle’s foundation always been so horrible?
Morgan: STFU.
Ben is very clean! And he does look a bit like Paul’s grandfather in A Hard Day’s Night.
There’s Sylvia and her Harry Potter glasses!
TWEEST!
I kind of want Sylvia to be my kooky aunt.
Oh, Yigit, you’ll go home. You shouldn’t do two cakes. Duh.
Yikes! What’s with Zac’s Smurf cake?
Dudes: When you have to sabotage someone else’s work, it’s only because your work sucks. That’s all.
Bright blue frosting is simple and understated in Zacland
Michelle: Steel Magnolias! Ha! If it’s in the shape of an armadillo, I’m calling her out for stealing.
But, SmurfCake matches the tablecloths!
Oh, god, that thing is hideous…
It looks like Zac vomited on a blue cake.
For Sylvia, we’d do anything. For Ben, not so much.
Hubert!
Sylvia: That’s an insult to bar mitzvah boys everywhere. Perhaps for a werewolf bar mitzvah.
I don’t think Zac’s cake will scream “Zac.” I think it will just scream.
My reaction to the Real Housewives of Atlanta commercial: “WHAT? Is that?”
Milkshake bar commercial reaction: “Come up with a new idea; they have to every week!”
So gray is now Danielle’s thing. She better not steal Sylvia’s style of glasses also.
Gail doesn’t even know what to say to that. What a bunch of whiney crybabies.
Who can it be now? Seriously, who? It’s gotta be Zac for his ugly, not great tasting cake, right?
Wait, fan favorite from THIS show? How?
And the winner is…Danielle! I figured she would win. And look at her jumping up and down like a little girl.
Hah! I noticed that, too. I’m a little sad she didn’t burst into a showtune.
Oh good. Bye, Zac. And even in the last second, he’s calling out someone else. So annoying.
Oh, and Zac is back next week. Why?!