Liveblogging Top Chef DC: Finale, Part 2

A medicore season finally grinds to a merciful end tonight, as Bravo infuses the episode with the douchiest prior Top Chef winners for one final night of torture.

Last Week: Chefs showed up in Singapore not knowing how to use woks. Ed won both challenges and was kind of a dick about it. Kelly got sent home.

I gotta say, I’m kinda pulling for Angelo tonight. He might be a total loon, but he hasn’t shown himself to be an ass as both Kevin and Ed have in recent weeks.

10:03: A Tweest! The chefs are called back to the Judges’ Table. Final Challenge: A four course meal, veggie, fish, meat and dessert.

Ilan, Mike V and Hung are called out as sous.

10:04: Shockingly, no one is hoping to get Ilan. By virtue of knife draw, Ed gets stuck with him. “I don’t know anything about him, so there’s no reason not to respect him.” Oh, really?

Angelo gets Hung (heh), while Kevin gets Mike V.

10:06: The Dropper’s “game face” looks remarkably like what I imagine his “tripping on E” face to be.

Ilan’s advice: don’t innovate! Do the same old-same old. Thanks, Ilan!

10:08: Angelo is playing the old “help, I’m puking blood” card.

Ed hopes that Angelo just has a 24-hour bug, by which he means, “I hope he dies within the next 15 minutes.”

10:09: Coming up: Ed learns why not to respect Ilan.

10:11: Commercials. No, Snyder’s of Hanover, the best things in life are not meant to be shared; they’re meant to be carefully hoarded so that one’s enemies cannot take advantage of them.

10:13: Angelo is still sick, so he and Hung will be working via phone. Ed has lost respect for Angelo’s refusal to suck it up, assuming that he had some respect to lose.

10:15: They’re shopping at Vivomart, which has to be even more of a fun name for a grocery story than Piggly Wiggly.

10:17: Hung working with Angelo by phone is ten times as efficient and effective as Ilan in person.

10:19: Kevin is making fish noodles, which makes me shudder but I know it’s going to be a very different beast than my fish noodle experiment.

Ed has mumblemouth tonight.

10:22: Angelo gets a shot in the ass. Literally. Thanks for showing that, Bravo. There are any number of jokes that could be made.

I don’t love Hung, but he appears to be running circles around the other teams in tru Hung style.

Not running circles around anyone? Ilan, who has been relegated to breaking down corn for a soup.

10:25: Commercials. Bethenny is the modern woman’s Fran Drescher.

10:26: Angelo is cleared to cook. Ed comes in to verify that his death wish has not, in fact, come to pass.

10:29: Hung is moving faster than the human eye can detect.

Ed tried to make a joke…about Jesus. It doesn’t go over, not even with Ilan.

10:30: Brian, on Angelo’s plate: “Did he make a piece of poo?”

Hey, it’s Susan Feniger, that lovable kook! And David Chang!

10:32: Angelo has sacrificed every part of himself. He’s ready for the promised land. He…has run out of appropriate hyperbole.

Padma’s stylist, who had been making a comeback in recent weeks, was apparently left back in the States, if her hair is any indication.

10:35: On one hand, Angelo might be too sick to be cooking safely. On the other, nothing can be more horrifying than the amount of head sweat pouring into Ed’s food.

10:37: Mike V has been totally under the radar this episode, and I like it that way.

Ed left the whipped cream up to Ilan, which can only be a mistake.

10:40: Commercials. Why do we as a nation continue to encourage Ben Affleck to make films?

10:42: Sticky toffee pudding? Really?

Tom likes the salty cream. That’s what she said!

Kevin’s dessert looks like a joke. Bravo apparently agrees, since they show a guy making an awesome bitchface as Kevin describes it.

10:46: Judges’ Table. Let’s talk about Ed’s dessert. Yes, let’s. Tom is down on it, and Ed doesn’t help matters with his pointless, rambling talkback. “What am I supposed to do?” LEARN TO MAKE AN INTERESTING GODDAMN DESSERT BEFORE THE FINALE.

10:48: Aside from Angelo’s illness and Ed being a dickbag, there’s very little in the way of tension or drama in this episode.

10:49: Official announcement: I would also be okay with Kevin winning. If Ed wins? I AM DONE.

10:51: Gail: “It was a fruit punch! It punched you! With fruit!” Between this and last weeks’ tastylicious, I’m afeared for her ability to host Just Desserts.

10:52: If you’re on Twitter, you MUST follow LillyJ and JeffHouck for their Top Chef tweets.

10:54: Commercials. Maybe I’ll start liveblogging “Thintervention.”

10:55: Pointless interlude. It’s hard to wait. Everyone wants to win. Ed wouldn’t change anything, not even his dessert, because he is a self-important asswipe.

10:58: America thinks Ed should be the next Top Chef, and that’s why America can’t be trusted to make important decisions.

10:59: Kevin is the Top Chef.

On one hand, Jersey represent! On the other, Kevin is Top Chef? Really?

Thanks for hanging out, everyone; it’s been real! Now on to Just Desserts.

52 thoughts on “Liveblogging Top Chef DC: Finale, Part 2

  1. Thanks, Michelle! Me too. Last week I was in my grandmother’s cave “celebrating” Rosh Hashanah. I was too upset that there was no cable television and very limited Internet access. Luckily, the finale is tonight! Wouldn’t want to miss the ‘baggery.

  2. Honestly, Angelo’s lucky he got Hung and not one of the current contestants. At least he can prep stuff; think of how effed he would be if it were one of his former housemates.

  3. Seeing Michael reminded me how much I liked Kevin last season over these guys. Even Bryan V. And Jen. And not these guys.

    One of the early shots, Kevin looked like Webster. I’d be down with Webster competing…

  4. Since Ed doesn’t have the foie, he’s adding flavor via all his sweat. I am more convinced than ever that watching food shows on HD is maybe not such a good thing. These chefs are not really ‘ready for their close-ups’ so much.

  5. Angelo is a wuss. Try weekly B12 shots in the tush.

    I’m starting to see Kevin as the winner since Angelo might die and Ed is being such a douche that his karma has to catch up eventually.

  6. I really don’t care, but I think I dislike Angelo most? Whatever.

    Can we discuss this foie gras marshmallow thing?! What the hell!

  7. Seriously, you are going to complain about your sous chef’s dessert, a PAST WINNER of this show. Ed’s lucky that he didn’t use dishwater to cook with, the way he’s been treating him.

  8. There is a pretty funny Sienna family commercial on youtube- the Swagger wagon. Really, that should be the one they show on TV, not mom in bathrobe over and over again.

  9. Pingback: Tweets that mention thursday night smackdown ยป Liveblogging Top Chef DC: Finale, Part 2 -- Topsy.com

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