Awesome Shit That I Want Monday

What I really REALLY want is for Fox not to air that horrific “The Bachelor: Plus Size Ladies Edition.” Let’s marginalize AND objectify size 14+ women AT THE SAME TIME. Genius! Show it on the National Geographic channel as a disturbing sociological study, fine. On Fox? May ravens pluck out mine eyes.

SAVE ME, RETAIL THERAPY.

So that we ladies can watch our waistlines that we may never suffer the indignity of having to resort to the plus-sized Bachelor rather than the socially acceptable size-4-and-under Bachelor that is our last remaining place to see love outside of Match.com and Rock of Love IX: If This Tour Bus is Rockin’, Brett Michaels is Having a Drug-Induced Seizure and Someone Should Probably Call 911, there is Topoware.

Made to look like a topographic map, it instead helps you determine appropriate portion sizes. But not according to any actual nutritional guidelines, which would be boring – according to your hunger level (full, hungry, very hungry) age (adult, child) or degree of avarice (moderate, modest, greedy). I will quibble with the “mom, dad, child” until they release a “mom, mom, child” or a “dad, dad, child” or a “domestic partner, domestic partner, Golden Retreiver” or even “37-year-old woman, cat, cat.”

Still, job well done. Love the plate. Love the corresponding mat. Buy at Folksy.

4 thoughts on “Awesome Shit That I Want Monday

  1. Or release a “42 year-old woman, no one else, size 18, not in need of fucking Fox finding me a partner who has a fetish for larger size women.” Although, from a marketing standpoint, that’s a bit wordy, isn’t it?

  2. I like the idea- much better than my idea of coming up with a metal food circle graph that would half and quarter your food to your liking- this makes it less messy and it a much prettier design.

  3. jkc, you never know when you’re going to tap into a niche market.

    dabree, but “metal good circle graph” is so catchy.

    jane, bless their hearts. most of the writers i loved there are gone, but they still have some good ones.

    that show just makes me so, so sad; it’s hard to laugh.

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