Climaxx (Get it? Two Xs, because it's the second post, and…never mind.)

You are a sharp group, so it most likely has not escaped your attention that this is not a Thursday Night Smackdown.  A Smackdown tonight was really quite impossible, because (1) all the kitchen counters are covered in excess beer and (2) I crammed 10 days worth of cooking into 2 so now I get to sit back and order in falafel.

Plus, I know you just want to see more pictures anyway.  Nothing I’d be able to make with the energy level I have right now would approach Monday’s spread anyway.

This was a special moment: The Blackboard Paprazzi turned in on themselves and started photographing each other photographing the blackboards.  They created a vortex, sucking in photographers from as far away as 3 miles. It was really quite frightening, except that all the BP members are themselves so small and cute.  You just want to stick them in your purse, where they would take beautifully framed photos of your wallet and that half-eaten roll of mentos and the tampon that’s been rolling around in the bottom for 2 years and somehow make each of these items look good.  The depth of field would be stunning and precisely rendered.  Because they are magical camera-toting imps.

blackboard razzi

See?  Look at this bucket of non-beer.  I could never make a tub of soda look this good. This is why we welcome the imps, though their numbers increase exponentially each year.

Also, they can eat a LOT for imps.  It’s really impressive.  I think they train for it.


But whatever, we’re not here for the tub of soda.

more porkz

We’re here for the pork. The ribs were show stealers, but I don’t want to give the pulled pork short shrift; it was also amazing.  Sweet and citrusy, packed with garlicy goodness, peppery olive oil, some fresh herbs and a punch of lime. It was smoked perfectly and fell to pieces at a harsh stare.  I wish I hadn’t been so disgusted by it at the time.

more taters

Above, the potatoes that launched a thousand ships.

Okay, maybe not. Maybe just: Damn Good Potatoes. You can’t really go wrong with potato + onion, so when you have three kinds of potato + three kinds of onion it’s triple extra super good.

In the how-many-pounds comment thread, Peter helpfully suggested that the leftovers would make an excellent hash along with the leftover pork.  Which is a great idea, but which unfortunately requires leftovers.


I lied a little when I said all we had was a bowl of banana pudding (since consumed) and 10 ribs.  we also have a round of this cornbread because when the platter was empty and people asked if there was more we lied so we could keep one (tee hee).  I must extend mad props to my sister- and brother-in-law who volunteered to make cornbread before they knew how many people were coming, and who did not shirk that promise when informed that we would need cornbread for 65.

Creamed corn in the cornbread: totally doing that from now on. Or telling my brother-in-law to do it.

more platez

I know there were some plate pictures in the last post, but I really do feel like you can’t have enough of them.  Because holy shit, look at that plate.  If this hadn’t been my party I’d ‘a been all, “dang, how do you get into THAT party?”

puddin again

I know there was a photo of this as well, but it was from a different angle.  The Blackboard Paparazzi just take such a good picture, I can’t help myself. (And I am still patting myself on the back for the 20 cups of pastry cream, if I’m being honest.)


I’m a little too enamored of my own banana pudding and didn’t take advanage of the dessert table the way this person did, with their pudding-tres leches-double fudge mocha brownie sampler.  Whoever you were: well done.


The other amusing thing about the Blackboard Paparazzi is the way they document not only the food, but their surroundings.  I think last year they photographed my bathroom. In their defense the Space Invaders half-bath is pretty rockin’, but that didn’t make it any less strange to find my bathroom on the internet.

Complete set of Time-Life books that tell you how to cook ANYTHING: $1 a piece at an awesome used bookstore I need to go back to soon.  On the fridge, Scrabble tile magnets.  I didn’t notice until I was at the table plowing through my falafel tonight that someone had spelled out “Money for nothing and chicks for free.”  We got to move those microwave ovens.

(Secret: I hate that fricking song.)


Also on the fridge: a card with fighting rabbits from The Beautiful Project, Etsy shop of Everybody Loves Sandwiches‘ own Kickpleat.  I got this card for Brian, wrote “I love you” on the inside and slid it under the bathroom door one day while he was taking a shit.

I thought it was fitting.

And with that, Smoke-a-Thon 2009 officially comes to a close.  We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

14 thoughts on “Climaxx (Get it? Two Xs, because it's the second post, and…never mind.)

  1. Dear lord woman, like 95 posts about pork in a row AND Birch Beer. We Americans really need to rethink these NJ stereotypes. I mean, Birch Beer? It may be the friggin’ ultimate carbonated (non-alcoholic) beverage. And you had it right there in the tub. Man, I need to get to Sea Isle or Strathmere soon.

  2. I LOVE that card. It’s funnier than:
    “One Potato, Two Potato, Whore” and “Two Words (Inside) Jenny Craig” Both of which I bought years ago and have been waiting for the right persons to hand them too.

    The food, well my gawd.

  3. How does one become a member of The Blackboard Paparazzi? ‘Cause if that’s the ticket to getting into next year’s party, sign me up.
    And the pudding-tres leches-double fudge mocha brownie sampler? I’m all over that!

  4. Love the TimeLife. My favourite Osso bucco recipe, the one I always do and now know by heart, comes from an old TimeLife book… way older than me!

    I like to buy the cookbooks from my favourite chef here in town, but their directions are always so freakin vague. Add broth, cook until you reach the desired consistance… Dude, personally I don’t desire any consistance, I just want to make it taste good.

    In the timelife recipes, they tell you EVERYTHING. And I love that. I believe any recipe should be at least a few paragraphs, not just a few bullet points!

  5. That cornbread looks fantastic! And good thing that you can rely on your sis and bro to make that, even if a whole football team comes along to eat.
    Can I find the recipe for that corn bread somewhere? Or is it a family secret?

  6. geeking, how many times do i have to say it? we are the epicenter of american culture.

    sherpas, gotta day: don’t know how i feel about the jenny craig card. (forced by parents to go at age 15. still scarred.)

    jesse, if it weren’t my party, i don’t think i’d be able to get it.

    tanis, gotta talk to Roboppy; she’s the ringleader. i just know that i’m not qualified; i don’t have the necessary photographic chops or the equipment. they come with a lot of equipment.

    emily, from the cookbook, or did you make it up? and isn’t it great? totally altered my blanket slaw-hate.

    alex, i feel the same way about the timelife books. pictures for EVERYTHING, every step of the way. they’re the best.

    cookinette, i don’t know the recipe, but if we ask all nice-like, make they’ll show up and leave it in the comments. (i know you’re reading this, jedi.)

  7. OK, quit. You’ve already tempted me, made me crave barbecue (fortunately we have McClards, Bill Clinton’s BBQ-o-choice, here, so I’m OK). I wasn’t there. I can’t get in. STOP!

  8. such an impressive feast. that meat looks pretty amazing and i do love a boylan’s birch beer (never seen that yellow can before and I’m intrigued by all this regional soda!).

  9. there is nothing, not one thing in this post that doesn’t make me love you.

    And Money for Nothing? It’s been long enough that I start off with, “aww, man, I haven’t thought of that in a long time” but I always still end with, “god I hate that song”.

    (I worship the musical ground Mark Knopfler walks on, but that song just sucks.)

    I’m making that banana pudding soon, cause I keep feeling myself start to swoon every time I see the pics.

    Scrabble tile magnets! I already have sticky back magnets, must find Scrabble tiles. Yes, I am going to baldly copy you. copy, copy, copy! like a little school girl.

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