Awesome shit that I want Tuesday

It occurred to me this afternoon: “Hey, I have a Twitter account! It’s been at least three days since I told the world about the details of my lunch!”  I’d written some nonsense and was scrolling through my follow-ees when I saw a link to a post by the Pioneer Woman to her series on creating a successful blog.  I enjoy success, so I thought I’d check it out.  Imagine my dismay at rule #5: No F-bombs.  Because “it takes more literary creativity to write something interesting without including the f-bomb.” **

Well. Huh.

(This ties into awesome shit, I promise.) (She said nothing about the S-word, so I assume I can still be successful following this post.)

I figured that while I wallow in my own lack of imagination and facility with the English language, I should have dishware to match.

All plates handpainted on vintage dishware with care by Etsy seller Trxie Delicious at her shop, Vandalized Vintage (home to much more awesome shit).  I find that her lack of artistic creativity matches my own lack of literary creativity.


Note: I disapprove of the “retard” plate.

**Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, and I don’t want to start any Pioneer Woman-bashing.  So don’t.

18 thoughts on “Awesome shit that I want Tuesday

  1. : ) I like your openness and I and not offended by the f-bomb. I use it, often…along with others…around home and around my adult daughter. However, I do try (not 100% successful) to curb my mouth in public and on my blog. It’s just the way I am.

    Those plates are a kick!

  2. My father’s mother, to my father: “Profanity is just a weak mind expressing itself strongly.”
    My father, in reply: “Yeah? Fuck you.”

    Don’t get me wrong, her recipes are great, but if Pioneer Woman thinks she has “literary creativity” because she’s avoiding using the “f-bomb” she’s been living in Oklahoma for too long.

  3. Well, I’m not a prude and old enough to be most of y’alls grandmother and have been known to swear like a sailor especially when riled. I find your site hilarious, informative, and the Hobo Monday challenge is fantastic. I’m pretty new to blogging and haven’t yet got the stats, the creativity, or the smarts…but I’m working on it.

  4. She forgot “buggeration”. And I’m glad you disapprove of “retard”. That’s one term that deserves to be retired.

  5. kelly, i love that you called them a “kick.” there’s a severely underused phrase.

    i admit that i don’t curb my mouth in public nor in the workplace, where loud obscenities are part of communication from the highest levels of management. i do watch it around the younguns’, though.

    clairol, i know, isn’t her stuff great? and glad you like the blog, thanks!

    cmb, i love your father. and i don’t think she thinks she has literary creatively merely for avoiding the f-bomb, not that i can claim to be privy to the inner workings of the pioneer woman because if i had access to that knowledge i would be a much better photographer. but if that were the only criteria for literary creativity, the world would be a scary place.

    jessica, not trying to snap anyone. just making an observation.

    dame, there’s not much to get: just write some shit on a website. make it somewhat interesting. the end. welcome, thanks for commenting, and speak up more!

    sherpas, i will totally take on shatner. oprah i’m pretty sure is of an alien race.

    kristin, i agree, but since i’m american i feel like i’d just end up sounding like a wannabe. which i am, i just don’t want people to know it.

    aldyth, i feel like she would let that one go, cuz if your kids were reading over your shoulder they wouldn’t get it. and if they’re old enough to get it, it’s too late.

    attention, english-speaking world: retard is not an appropriate insult. neither is gay. neither is telling a man not to be such a girl. neither is saying you’ve been “gypped.”

    end soapbox.

  6. Thank you! I always feel like the underdog when I ask people not to use those words as insults. Especially trying to get my 17 -year-old male cousin to understand why it is wrong rather than cool to use them.

  7. Well, I for one will continue to enjoy your lack of literary creativity. I’m right there with you on retard, gay and being “gypped”. Let’s not forget trying to jew someone down. I’m definitely not politically correct by any means, but some things just don’t belong in our speech for any reason.

  8. chessa, i’m on a personal mission to eradicate those as acceptable insults. sadly, i don’t think i’ll see success within my lifetime.

    tina, holy shit, people still use the phrase “jew someone down”? i’m pretty sure if you tried that in manhattan or new jersey you’d get beat 3 ways to sunday.

    and it’s shocking how many people have no idea that “gypped” is offensive. is it so hard to say “short-changed”? no, it is not.

  9. Michelle, I’m out here in the middle of Pennsylvania, where all manner of ethnic slurs are alive and well. We still halve people who “nigger rig” stuff, for God’s sake. When I moved here from North Jersey when I was nine, I was the object of much suspicion because I had a Jersey accent. As you well know, there’s nothing more subversive than a nine year old from Paterson! As a matter of self-defense, I worked my ass off to lose the accent. I now sound completely generic, until I come back to visit my family. Then, all that work is shot to hell…

  10. First off, I apologize for not reading your blog as frequently as I should. IM LAAAME! But this post made me go “huuummhmh” cos …man, if the f-bombs are in you, just let em fly! Swearing doesn’t equate to lack of literary creativity. Bah. Actually, that you use the f-bomb a lot and that your writing doesn’t feel tired because of it should say something…that I am not eloquent enough to put in words, but you know what I mean. I like the Pioneer Woman too and I don’t think she meant to say “swear words = you fail,” but you might be one of the more unique writers for being able to successfully incorporate whatever potentially offensive language you wish while always sounding fresh and…awesome.

    …aka U FUCKIN ROCK WOOTWOOT.

  11. tina, i cannot tell a lie: the middle of pennsylvania scares me. everything between philly and pittsburgh may as well be alabama as far as i’m concerned.

    no offense to anyone from alabama. but your state scares me a little too. really, i get twitchy south of delaware. personal problem.

    robyn, apology accepted, but please rectify the situation in the future.

    also: re: your comments on my writing, i’m blushing. the thing that cracks me up is that i drop the bomb, like, once per post. maybe twice. out of 1200 words. but my reputation is made. at least, among the tens of people who read this at all.

    i say, if you can’t drop the bomb on your personal blog, where else can you drop it? and i submit that my bombs are far less offensive than anything you’ll see on CSI: Chattanooga on any given night.

  12. Honestly, it’s not really as bad as the South here! No lynchings, cross burnings, etc. I’ve traveled extensively through most of the South; can’t beat the fried chicken and biscuits, but it can get a little scary!

  13. I love that first plate. I also love your honesty. And the fact that it’s being brought up that some words are just unnecessary…Interesting discussion happening round swearing – I don’t do it on my blog because my mum and nanna read it and I just caaaan’t do it round them. I swear plenty in real life, just on my blog it wouldn’t work. I’d get hit up immediately by my elders.

  14. Pingback: thursday night smackdown » Cheap Ass Monday: Belated Roundup

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