Three words: Better not suck. I medicated myself up with horse tranquilizers to be able to do this.
Muchas gracias to today’s guest poster, Marc of No Recipes, who greatly underestimates the size of his corner of blogscurity. His post, appropriately, is about pork.
When Michelle asked me if I could guest blog, I was thrilled to have a chance to crawl out from my little corner of blogscurity and craft a
riotous witty fun post for you all (who am I kidding, I can’t possibly hope to be as entertaining as Michelle). I was also pretty excited at the prospect of being able to lift the self imposed censorship involved with having a PG-13 rated blog (I think I make too many food fornication references to get a G rating).
I happened to have some green lentils soaking overnight, so I figured I should do something with them. Being humble legumes, lentils aren’t the most exciting ingredients to cook with, so I asked myself WWMD (What Would Michelle Do)? The thought process went something like this:
“PORK!….no no no…. pork BELLY!……even better…… SMOKED pork belly! Yea… That would fucking rock!” Continue reading
I’m doing badly. Like, not crying for 51% of the day is a massive victory. Hopefully it’s part of this major med change and things will turn around sooner rather than later, before I have to figure out a way to commit suicide with bacon (I mean, a quick one. I already know how to commit drawn-out bacon suicide.).
I’m going to keep up the liveblogging because it makes me feel better to chronicle the doings of those crazier than I, but for the rest of the time I’m trying to line up some guest posters to keep you entertained for the next week or two so you don’t have to read about the number of nights we order in or I eat toast for dinner. Sit tight.
I won’t do it, Sir. No, I won’t.
I don’t think we need to watch tonight since they closed down the restaurant last week, so we can all go eat some cake and take a nap.
Damn, I wish I’d made a cake.
Anyway, the stupid restaurant will probably reopen, and some untalented people will cook some shit, or try to cook some shit, and get yelled at. Martyr B is still in it as is Shiv, so at least there’s the potential for some violence before Redneck takes it all.
Thank god that (1) there aren’t that many episodes of Hell’s Kitchen left and (2) this June redemption returns in the form of TOP CHEF MASTERS. Top Chef, but with people we already know can cook. I’m looking forward to it despite the fact that judge Kelly Choi’s head is freakishly out of proportion to her body. Seriously, look at the size of that thing. It’s like an orange on a toothpick, it is.
People I want to succeed: Hubert Keller. Art Smith. People I want to FAIL: Michael Chiarello. Possibly also Wylie Dufresne; i still waver on whether or not he’s a douchebag. Peruse the bios, and form your own snap judgments!
I notice Colicchio will not be partcipating. Interesting. Guess he’s too busy shilling for Diet Coke.