So NBC’s canceled The Chopping Block after only 3 episodes, and I can’t say I’m sorry. Do you know how hard it was to take that heap of reality show detritus and try doing something with it? It was like trying to move a pile of sand with a sieve, only more futile, and by the way the sand is somehow sentient and spouts meaningless pseudo-sand-philosophy at you while you’re working.
This does, however, leave a void in my Wednesday nights again. Ergo, a proposition. Take some time to peruse the prospectus at your leisure, then Choose My Adventure. (It’s unfortunate that Sandra Lee isn’t on in prime time, because then this would be a no brainer.)
Option One: I give up, and learn to deal with the emptiness. Perhaps I could take a Wednesday night Tai Chi class, or go for long walks in the park to steal toys and candy from children. It’s Easter season, so the candy theft should prove exceptionally lucrative.
Option Two: I defer dealing with the void. The Smackdown temporarily moves to Wednesdays, as it will next week. (Yes, because of the ER finale. Shut up.) Thursdays, I liveblog the remainder of the season of Hell’s Kitchen, feverishly hoping that Ramsey will refer to someone as “a fucking donkey,” as he did last year. At season’s end, we return to our normal schedule. I then work through the emptiness.
Option Three: The Smackdown stays where it is, I liveblog an episode of Ted Allen’s Chopped and then I kill myself, because god that show is awful. Since I’ll be dead, I won’t have to worry about working through the emptiness.
Choose wisely, ‘ere you drink from the wrong cup, begin aging rapidly, are the victim of terribly primitive special effects and wind up a pile of Nazi dust on the floor of the Grail-keeper’s hiding room; please also bear in mind the number of therapy sessions I will require to deal with the confrontation or denial of the void. My co-pay is $30.
ONE YEAR AGO: Thursday Night Smackdown Redemption Burgers
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