1+1+1=Cranky-Ass Bitch

Coming down with a pseudo-cold that can’t decide whether it really wants to be a cold or not, causing constant irritating nasal drippage

+

Reduction in a medication that I kept insisting was sending my lady parts all kerflooey despite doctors claiming the contrary, with said reduction causing the lady bits to resume FULL FUNCTION so suck on THAT doctors, but full function means full cramps, which you totally wanted to know about

+

Bloggie loss, which I didn’t know would bum me out until it actually happened*, although it was to a super cool person who is the only person who rightfully should have beaten me, and who could probably kick my ass in real life so actually hooray that she won, because these cramps are bad enough

= Cranky-Ass Bitch

By the Transitive Property of Cranky-Ass Bitches, that means no cooking and therefore no black bean empanadas. I was never good at math, but I think I might be getting the hang of it.

*Turns out I really care about this dumb blog or something.  Dammit.  I hate caring about shit.

One Year Ago: Tacogate ’08: Sweet Potato and Red Chard

0 thoughts on “1+1+1=Cranky-Ass Bitch

  1. Hey now… I didn’t know about you when the voting happened! Wait for next year and pleez keep cooking [and bitching].

  2. totally unrelated to anything in this post. the dinner i cooked tonight gave the boy heinous gas, which i am now living with. i’m cranky too.
    and your blog is a winner with me!

  3. Hey Cranky-Ass Bitch:

    Doctors have been wrong more often than right with me. Good for you for taking charge, and those lady parts are nothing but trouble. I’m convinced there’s gotta be a better model that could be installed. Science world: are you listening?

    Also, thanks for the shout-out. I was convinced it would (should) go to you so can I just say….I would never kick the ass of someone who can swear like a sailor and cook food that looks like the beautiful tears of an angel.

    Hope you feel better – I hear New Jersey is beautiful this time of year.

  4. Hey, buck up. I didn’t know about you until you were nominated, and you just might have knocked Dooce off her pedestal. At least in my book.

  5. sf, like this could stop me from bitching. as we could see, it has only served to provoke MORE bitching.

    kickpleat, thanks to my meds, one drink is like four, so i might wait until friday.

    elle, heh.

    christie, you know what doesn’t suck? advil. I LOVE ADVIL. i’d forgotten just how much it takes to subdue the lady parts when they’re acting up.

    gammyp, thank you!

    vera, no, that’s not what kerflooey means at all. (rim shot!)

    everyone should start using that word more.

    bev, i will be SO PISSED if it’s allergies, because i had all those fucking rounds of shots when i was a kid.

    jodi, yeah, you and your damn fat brother.

    sometimes i want to abandon the doctors entirely and find a wise-woman healer. there’s gotta be one in brooklyn somewhere, right? i bet she’d have my lady parts all ship-shape in no time.

    and the weather in new jersey is lovely. much as i imagine it is in brooklyn, which is 4 miles from where i live.

    claudia, but I didn’t know. i don’t like to not know things about myself.

    erica, devastation is unnecessary.

    i already ate chocolate. milk duds. a big box. but that was probably also hormones.

    melissa, now i know y’all are crazy, because the only thing that could knock dooce off her pedestal would be if you suddenly took away all her meds. (it sounds mean, but i’m allowed to say it b/c i’m also crazy)

  6. I voted for you…and you are still my fave food blog.

    As for the meds…oy, we could write a book between us. Good for you!

    I will wait for the bean empanadas, cuz I have plans for them…heh.

  7. You got nominated for every blog award out there, so you’re already a winner in my book.

    Chocolate milk w/ kahlua (or schnapps) and a bong hit, s’all I’m sayin’.

  8. Wait….kerflooey like “my lady bits go all kerflooey when I watch Paul Walker doing anything fast or furious?” Or is it more “you should have SEEN the carnage down there.” Or “I’m sorry I can’t have sex with you tonight or ever, significant other, it’s just that my lady bits are kerflooey. I’m sure you understand?”

  9. Okay, I’m sorry but your blog is WAY WAY better. Whatever Bloggies, you utter fools. And as for those lady parts? I find a painkiller and red wine takes care of everything that ails ya. 1 painkiller + 1 red wine = going to MAUI! :)

  10. As for the Blogges, I’ll bet it was close. I checked out most of the blogs in the competion that were new to me and yours and Jodi’s were the only ones I bothered to bookmark. I’ll bet there are plenty of others who would say the same.

  11. anne, plans for them like “boy, i’m going to make some bean empanadas myself” or plans like “i know how to make bean empanadas into a bomb”?

    heather, is there nothing in you life that booze and weed do not solve for you? don’t respond, i already know the answer. that’s why i like you.

    kristie, kerflooey like “holy jesus what is happening to me” and then “i’d like to be wrapped in a heating pad while someone feeds me raw beef and iron shavings” kerflooey. if i didn’t know what was going on, i’d have gone to the doctor by now.

    FBG, her blog is pretty damn good. and she has the unstoppable power of SMALL ADORABLE CHILD.

    the lady parts are currently demanding advil at the rate of 4 every 5 hours. they’re like the marie antoinette of lady parts.

    NC, i bet it wasn’t close at all because of her fat-ass brother. i’m allowed to call him that because the name of his blog (which also won, for sports) is fat cyclist. i’m not just being a jerk (although i am, partially).

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