Cheap Ass Hobo Monday: Git on the soup line

I know, I know, it’s very nondescript. Look, I didn’t have any fucking chives, okay? Get off my back.

I think I’ve finally found the source of all my mental health woes: Food-related blog events. Who knows how many people have been rendered incapacitated by the Daring Bakers or Tuesdays With Dorie? We’ll never know, because they will never tell their stoic tales of woe because food blog events are FUN, goddamnit, and no one wants to hear about the emotional pain they can cause. FUN, d’ya hear me?

I say this because nearly everytime I, personally, try to host a food blog event at TNS, I inevitably become an emotional wreck and am barely able to participate in my own event.  Often it’s a flare-up of my own mental health issues, but it doesn’t help that my events are usually held the first week of the month, and both of my parents had to go and inconventiently die in the first week of the respective months and years of their deaths.

Piss on that.

So this time around it’s the anniversary of my dad’s – the fourth.  I was pretty much a no-fun-nick all day.  Also there may have been crying.  Is it corny to say that my dad was my best friend? Fuck it if it is, because he was.

Luckily I have Brian who steps in to fill in the gaps in these situations.  I had plans for something much more exciting than this, but after a sad, snowy day, a big steamy bowl of tortellini soup and some salad.  Because stock is cheap, tortillini are cheap (the cheap-o ones in the big bag in the freezer section are always better than the fancy ones), salad is cheap, and if you don’t have oil and vinegar for dressing in your pantry then I really can’t help you and you should probably just go.

The stock was the fancified version of stock-in-a-box that the the public radio ladies, bless their little hearts, taught me how to make.  It requires a single canned tomato, which is slightly irritating, but critical.  Seriously, a single canned tomato will umami-fy a whole box of Swanson’s.

Genius.  I love public radio.  Maybe one day, I’ll finally get around to giving them the money I keep thinking I should give them.  I could use a new tote bag.

He also made a simple tossed salad.  Here it is. There’s really nothing I can do to make it more exciting for you.

I can offer you a useful tip I learned from my dad: If you’re ever at a busy restaurant waiting for a table and are getting tired of standing around, pick one table and stare at them ceaselessly and intently.  They will leave sooner rather than later, greatly increasing your chances of getting a seat.  It’s helpful if the party being stared at is the same size as the party doing the staring.  If possible, all members of your party should engage in the staring.  Try very hard not to laugh, or it will disrupt the process.

Other valuable life lessons:  Cheez-its are a food group unto themselves.  If at first your don’t succeed, make yourself a giant pest until you get what you want.  Drive fast or don’t drive at all, but don’t be one of those assholes who weaves in and out.*  Also, it is perfectly acceptable to get three sheets to the wind and pass out by the garbage cans in front of your house during your 50th birthday party as long as you’ve sent your 6-year-old daughter to the neighbors as a precautionary measure.

In other words, live a little.  These are the things I will pass on, should I ever have children of my own.  I don’t know if it will help them or scar them, but they need to know their heritage.

*You know who you are.

And then there was soup, and Brian.  And although it’s close, it’s not quite enough.

25 thoughts on “Cheap Ass Hobo Monday: Git on the soup line

  1. ‘And then there was soup, and Brian.”

    sometimes that’s just what you need at that moment.

    I also spent the snow day making soup too. leftover chicken breasts, and pasta cuttings from this weekends raviolis.

  2. I sent my poor husband to brave the 12+ inches of snow to get Chinese food. Not as cheap as it could be, but I was hungry and cold and required Hunan Chicken.

  3. I don’t have a Cheap-Ass Monday post, but I did have some cheap-ass soup today myself. Since this blog is my entire inspiration for cooking, a few weeks ago, I made the (delicious) black bean soup out of the mocked Friends cookbook — a couple of cans of beans, some onions, a beer, I can’t remember what else, but definitely just a few dollars for a bunch of soup. And then I made a second batch of the brownies I made last month, since the recipe only used half of the baker’s chcolate and walnuts that I had bought, so every time I opened the cupboard, they called my name.

    In short, no entry, but it doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about it!

  4. You are beyond hilarious. We’re having a not so cheap-ass bowl of left over beef a la nicoise tonight. But I’m thinking that because it’s day old, it probably ranks as only half assed cheap. We do have day-old bread for dipping just to make sure its status isn’t threatened. Whaddayahthink?

  5. At 4:45 this evening my husband’s best friend showed up at our front door with a laptop he wanted my husband to fix for him in one hand and two pizzas in the other hand. So my cheap ass Monday turned into free pizza Monday. Which is great for us, but doesn’t really qualify.

    So, if I do cheap ass Monday on a Tuesday, am I disqualified?

  6. I don’t know how anyone manages to host an event. I’m a wreck just thinking about how I’m once again unable to post in time for an event. And I don’t even have any good excuses. I don’t even have any bad excuses.

    GUILT. Missed it again!! Even if it is moved to Tuesday, I’m going to miss it.

    An attempt: …tonight was broccoli at $1 for a giant bunch but we only used half $0.50; chili from the freezer (no idea how much I paid for the ingredients to make a giant batch of chili ages ago with canned tomatoes probably around $1 for the tin, mushrooms another $1, ground meat another $1, dried beans $0.50??? in all to come to let’s say $4 for the whole batch that was divided into 4 containers and put in the freezer) so $1 for the chili??? And cornbread from scratch (are flour, cornmeal, baking powder, salt considered pantry staples?) with one egg and milk: another guess: $2 for the whole thing. We ate half. With water because I was working tonight so no wine or beer allowed. But my husband had beer (hey!! no fair!) So dinner came to $4 for the two of us. Oops. I forgot the little bit of grated cheddar on the chilli. Hmmm… shall we say $4.50 for the two of us?

    Whatever. It was cheap. It was cheerful. It was good.

  7. Heh well we did grilled tomato and cheese on toast topped with a poached egg so I reckon we get cheapest ass.. plus rainy day comfort breakfast for dinner type thing :)

  8. A frittata. One large potato, about 65 cents. 1 can black beans, rinsed, 56 cents. 6 eggs, 40 cents (can you believe large eggs for 79 cents a dozen?). A shot of half-and-half, 5 cents. 1 avocado, 68 cents. A half-block of cream cheese, 70 cents. A cup of grated cheese, 60 cents (out of the big two-pound bag). Half an onion, 30 cents. 3 tbsp salsa, 20 cents. 2 links chorizo, 1.00. Pantry staples — salt, pepper, garlic, olive oil. This comes to $5.17, but I had more than half of it left over after two of us ate, so I contend it will feed at least three if they’re hungry. And everything was in the pantry or fridge except the potato, which I had to go out and buy because I’d used the last one Saturday.

  9. I made kid food last night, pizza pockets with arugala salad. not fussy, and really cheap for us, cause I buy everything I can in bulk, and live out of my freezer. you know you can freeze bread dough, right? The greens were all I had to buy before the meal, I had the sauce frozen, the cheeses frozen, and the meat was leftover smoked sausage from a few nights ago, just super thin, the peppers I had canned last season when my garden ‘sploded all of a sudden in fall. (seriously, dill, mint and bell peppers, mountians of it, all in late october. They were a little woody, so they were canned, not used fresh.) Unfortunaly, I can’t figure the math for how much stuff was back when I made it all, pre assembly. If its the cost of the salad, I think I’m set. (I’m also one of those people that plans grocery lists weeks ahead. I don’t often actually use the planned meals, but some variation, at least.)

  10. We inadvertently did cheap-ass Monday last night, I guess. Leftover taco meat, thawed in the microwave, wrapped in flour tortillas with some diced tomatoes and grated cheese. The meat was leftover from another meal, so $1.00. One tomato – 50 cents. 5 tortillas – $1.50. Grated cheese – $2.00. Five bucks to feed a family of four isn’t too bad in my book.

    I didn’t know that about the canned tomato for stock. I’ll try that next time. Your soup and salad looks really good to me. Maybe it’s not fancy, but who the hell needs fancy every day? Not me.

  11. You have inspired me. I haven’t made tortellini soup in the longest time. That will go on the menu after I grocery shop on Wednesday.

    As for the missing Dad thing, I understand. Mine died 3 1/2 years ago. He had a massive stroke while watching the Food Network and eating a bowl of ice cream with Smucker’s strawberry topping on it. He loved to cook and he and I used to watch Iron Chef together.

    It was a good way to go, bless him. I miss him every day. We’re allowed to do that.

  12. My cheap ass Monday comfort food was pirogies. One strip of chicken “bacon”, some onion, some butter, some boiling water, some sour cream and Bob’s your uncle for only $3.

    Also: my cats get fake bacon which isn’t as bad for them as real bacon, but which is still pretty bad for them.

  13. I’m sorry about your dad. My father died when I was a kid; it sucks. Also, he died on Valentine’s Day, and people say stupid ass things about or on Valentine’s Day that makes me want to punch them in the face even more. Hey, at least you have all that great advice to remember him by! And no finer advice has ever been given than this: “Cheez-its are a food group unto themselves.” I could’ve written down “box of cheese crackers” for the “what food can you always eat” question.

  14. Some anniversaries really suck.
    Luckily, there is comfort food, and for some of us lucky ones, there are even comfort people.

  15. I too am lacking a cheap ass Monday post. I had to take the kid to baseball practice, then came home and made leftover leg of lamb sandwiches. If it matters, the lamb was FREE leftovers from dinner at the inlaws.

  16. everybody, we’re still posting, alright. just because i’m crazy and my post wasn’t as…robust as usual doesn’t get everyone off the hook. i reminded you the night before, did i not?

  17. Oh good. ‘Cause I took my first food photograph ever. Not that it’s any good, but I thought if I’m going to jump in and participate, I’m in all the way.
    Do you recommend the public radio lady’s cookbook? I love the Splendid Table – listen all the time.

  18. Just wanted to leave a comment saying that I found your blog a few weeks ago, and absolutely love it! It is just an awesome combination of great looking food and great writing.

    Also, I have been meaning to give money to NPR for years as well, but somehow never get around to it… maybe because their pledge drives (while i understand they are necessary) are just so damn annoying.

  19. I always say i’ll donate when the next good trip giveaway is announced…but i always crap out.

    then i have to listen to Ira Glass give me a guilt trip while i’m brushing my teeth. i look at the raidio on its shelf and flip it off…fuck you, Ira glass–just keep making your little show.

  20. Pingback: thursday night smackdown » March Hobo Monday: The Roundup

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