That's right fuckers, grass and milk. Grass and milk.

No one wanted to learn about this. Grass and milk, you said. We’d rather learn about a dish that looks like it has roux and/or cheese, because we love creamy delicious things, and we can’t imagine that sieve of grass and milk representing anything good.

Oh, ye of little faith.

Granted, it’s not like I’m withholding it from you entirely – although know that I could – and you’re learning about it a mere day later. Unfortunately, that’s one day extra that you’ve gone without lemongrass and black pepper infused coconut rice pudding, layered with passionfruit-coconut rice pudding. Delicious, delicious pudding, pudding that does not look like upchuck. Pudding that may have constituted my entire lunch yesterday and I’m glad, I tells ya, glad.

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Monday Stimulus Package: The Will of the People Be Done

The People Have Spoken.

So I added the chives on top for a little contrast, and to make this look a little less like dog food. It’s a little trick I use that decreases enhances my effectiveness as a food stylist. Food too beige? Prop a chive on it. Looks a little too much like dog food? Chives. Unattractive dessert? Chives. Kids aren’t cooperative for the family photo? Chives. I mean, come on, you can see the results here. I dare you to create an appetizing looking plate of shrimp and grits sans chives.

Okay, fine, scratch that last one because I know I’ll lose. But better tasting shrimp and grits? Never. Also, shrimp and grits more likely to cause a myocardial infarction* within 8 minutes of consumption? YOU DON’T STAND A CHANCE.**

*I know it’s a serious condition, but is this or is this not a very funny word? Answer: Yes, it is.

**There is a good reason we only eat them once a year. For us, that’s saying a lot.

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Democracy in Action!

THE POLLS HAVE OFFICIALLY CLOSED: THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN, AND THEY DEMAND SHELLFISH. Item number 2 has been chosen, so you’ll never know what was in picture number 1. Well, until tomorrow, when I tell you.  But for tonight, off to write about item 2: Best-Ever Shrimp and Grits.

Cheap Ass Monday is on hiatus for today as I celebrate President’s Day with an attempt to stimulate the economy and end our current financial crisis once and for all. I have two possible entries for tonight. Please exercise your right to representation by deciding which you’d rather see by picking from the two options based only on the following evidence:

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Liveblogging Top Chef: Episode 12

I don’t really remember what is supposed to happen this week, although I’ve been having dreams about Leah being literally thrown under a bus all week.  No, I’m here to warn you that it is inevitable that something is going to go screwy with the site, probably more than once, during this episode.  WordPress doesn’t like processing multiple comments at once (Although it’s not that many so I don’t really get it – are you all commenting at the SAME EXACT SECOND during commercials? If so, cut it out.), and my host insists that I’m exceeding my CPU usage during these hours, which I’m pretty sure can only be the case if they have a single server on which they’re hosting every single one of the world’s 11 million blogs.

Anyway, I’m trying to decide on a new host but in the meantime we all have to suffer, me included because every time it happens I want to send death rays through my wireless router to Bluehost. Sorry.

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Cheap Ass Monday: Stop me, oh-ho-oh, stop me.

Stop me if you think that you’ve heard this one before.* Pasta e lenticchie mediorientale. That is, pasta and lentils, a classic Neapolitan dish, with a Middle Eastern twist. As far as I can recall, unlike last week, I have not already written this post before. Go me! Short-term memory rules!

*Nothing’s changed; I still love you, oh I still love you. Only slightly, only slightly less than I used to.**

**Not YOU. You, I still love exactly the same.

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