Two Things, No More, No Less

Did you want three things?  Tough shit.

One:  For people who don’t read the comments and are still embittered by the Top Chef finale, check out the spleen being vented here if you haven’t already had it emailed to your by seventeen different people.  Splatter guard recommended.

Two:  What’s your favorite food to eat in times of shit, the one you can always eat no matter how anxious you are or how crappy your day was?  Say, for example, you were already having some serious mental health issues, and then you had to go to the emergency room because you might have a blood clot in your leg, which is certainly a non-stressful experience for someone with anxiety issues especially after that person might have WebMD’d Deep Vein Thrombosis like a moron and learned that one of the potential treatments is having to give yourself twice-daily injections of heparin.

For me:

  1. Mashed Potatoes
  2. Chocolate Cake

I am a cliché, and I don’t care.  I just ate both of those things (not simultaneously), and I feel better.

0 thoughts on “Two Things, No More, No Less

  1. 1. Tom Kha Gai
    2. Xanax and Prosecco cocktail (simultaneously)*

    *just kidding. we all know that Xanax is terribly bitter and does not go well in a cocktail.

  2. 1 – Sparkling white wine *
    2 – Probably something cheese related, tho I have had a time or two in my life where the smell of all food made me feel ill and cannot remember what I survived on at those times of immense upset. Possibly macaroni w/ butter and salt.

    * “I drink Champagne when I’m happy and when I’m sad.
    Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone.
    When I have company, I consider it obligatory.
    I trifle with it if I’m not hungry and drink it when I am.
    Otherwise I never touch it – unless I’m thirsty.”
    -Madame Bollinger

    I may in fact be Madame Bollinger reincarnated, but I’m not positive.

  3. 1. grilled cheese & tomato soup
    2. garlic bread slathered in peanut butter

    i grew up in a family that put peanut butter on top of everyting – sorry if this offends any peanut butter purists, but i say fuck that – don’t knock it until you try it!

    btw – made the bacon toffee this morning. i’ll be lucky to have any left by the time i put the cake together tomorrow..

  4. 1) I read that crap from Casey, so I didn’t even click on it again now (because she sucks). Did you read Carla’s classy response?

    2) I can always eat the following: cheese and fruit. And by that, I mean an entire brick of cheese and an entire melon (or an entire bowl of fruit), no matter how large or how full I am. (I can eat an unbelievable amount of a lot of things, but I guess those are the top two things.) You don’t have a blood clot, do you?

  5. 1: Ropa vieja: because i no longer eat red meat, and i would serve as my comforting middle finger to fate
    2: white russians or Cape cods: White Russians satisfy my ayurvedic need for need to attach emotion to sustenance and creamy stuff…cape cods ake me feel like i’m at least taking care of my urinary tract while i get numb.

    numb YO

    its just a clot YO butch the fuck up ; )

  6. Right there with you on the mashed potatoes. Particularly really good ones with lots of butter and cream.

    And second, cheese balls. The obnoxious powdery orange ones. I can kill a huge amount of them in no time.

    And blod clots and other issues like that run in my family – my cousin, my mom, and my brother have all had clot issues. None of them have had to inject heparin. The closest we came was my grandfather, who had to take coumadin after a knee replacement. That was only pills, though – still no injections.

  7. Macaroni and cheese, just like Grandma used to make. Which I haven’t had in almost forty years because Grandma always left at least one ingredient out of every recipe she left behind.

  8. 1. Cheapass chow mein with thick egg noodles. It can’t be fancy stuff, and if at all possible must come from a $2 Chinese takeout place.
    2. Pickles. Gross but true.

  9. 1. Ice cream straight out of the tub.. its a communal thing for the PMS bitches in my house :)
    2. Wine for me.. chocolate for my teenage girls.. personally I do both ….

  10. cinnamon toast. any time of day, any day of the year. sliced bread with butter, cinnamon, and sugar under the broiler. i can’t imagine a time when i would not be in the mood to eat it. comforting, easy, always there for me. now, if i had leftover chicken & dumplings from the day before, i might reach for that instead, but if i’m having that kind of crappy day, i’m not gonna feel like cooking chicken & dumplings. i reserve the right to change my answer after i’ve tried your bacon toffee, though. that -sounds- like the perfect food.

  11. Yup–mashed potatoes and chocolate cake. And I’m NOT just being all “OHMIGOD–we’re TOTALLY the same! I TOTALLY love those things too–LOL!” I swear, as soon as I saw your question, those are the first things I thought of. OR, if cake is not an option, brownies. No fancy brownies either, just straight-up chocolate brownies.

  12. 1. Sliced bananas with strawberry jam on a fresh Montreal style bagel.
    2. chocolate covered almonds by the barrel full.

  13. 1. Ice cream (double maple)
    2. Ice cream (chocolate peanut butter)

    I like other stuff, of course (bacon-on-sourdough sandwich is a very, very close third), but ice cream is the ultimate in cheap therapy.

    Re clots: a friend of mine had them & was told by her doctor to pop baby aspirin a few times a day. No shots required. Hope you are doing better & for gossakes, please stay off WebMD – that place is an angst incubator you just do not need, now or ever.

  14. Weird – I realized that I don’t eat differently when my life’s going to shit. This may be because I already eat candy and bad-for-me food all the time anyway, or it may be because I lose my appetite when my life sucks. Last night, for instance, things went all pearshaped, and I wound up having a piece of toast for dinner. Not because toast solves all life’s problems, just because I didn’t want to eat, but I also didn’t want to faint.

    Hey, don’t have a blood clot!

  15. I’m not usually one to comment, but this is right up my alley! I had DVT about a year ago and had to give myself the shots. It was temporary (until the pills kicked in) and wasn’t so bad. Once I got over the initial freak-out of having to do it myself, it was a piece of cake.

    Speaking of which, I think a piece of cake is my pick when I’m stressed.

  16. 1. Anything with that sweet/salty/greasy thing going on — like homemade chocolate chip cookies or orechiette with prosciutto, bread crumbs, and lots of olive oil.
    2. More of 1.

  17. 1.)

    2.) I like chocolate. Cake, brownies, grey salt caramels, chocolate chip cookies. Yes, I like chocolate.
    Also, those old nostalgic foods seem to help, or at least eating them in a way that is nostalgic. Exhibit A: Mom’s meatloaf with lots of tomato sauce, onion, mushrooms, and mashed potatoes (chocolate chip cookies also fall into this category.) Exhibit B: Pasta with marinara/meatsauce, finished with a glass of icy-cold milk (as a kid, I always had milk with my spaghetti.)

  18. Oh, and anything with starch, obviously (chicken and dumplings, for example.)

    If you do have to take injections, at least it’ll be you doing it. When my boyfriend got an absess on his ass cheek, I had to change the dressings. It scared the crap outta me, probably becuase I was afraid of hurting him more than the ick-factor, but he’d always do a shot or two beforehand, so it was pretty numb by then.

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