Liveblogging Top Chef: Finale, Part 2

Final 3.  Bug-eyed awesome lady.  Fairly useless guy from Colorado.  Douchebag from Finland.  Not that I am in any way biased.  I will have ongoing backup of the post, so if Bluehost craps out again just wait ’til the end and the whole post should be up in short order, and you can read it while you watch the 11:00 re-run (though we’ve made it 2 weeks in a row, so fingers crossed).

LAST WEEK:  We lost my boy, but I’m getting over that.  Carla continues being the dark horse.  Hosea sucked slightly less than usual.

10:02: Close up of Carla doing yoga = AWESOME SHOT.  She does an excellent sun salutation. Then breakfast on a boat. Whoo.

Stefan and Hosea are SO IN LOVE it’s not even funny. Right? Get a damn room.

10:03: FINAL CHALLENGE: 3 courses, make whatever you want, you’re cooking in Commander’s Palace. And here come the sous…

Blais, Marcel and Casey, finalists from past seasons.  Who would you pick? I admit it, I’d pick Marcel.  I wanted Marcel to win his season, partly because I secretly liked him and partly because Ilan was such a waste of space who took up valuable air the rest of us could have been breathing.

Blais is probably the better chef, but I can’t get past the fact this restaurant is called “Trail-Blais.”

10:05: Stefan picks Marcel: “He’s a bit of a twat, but so what?”  Hosea doesn’t pick Marcel precisely BECAUSE Marcel reminds him of Stefan.  And he doesn’t want to be distracted by latent man-love.

10:06: Hosea, Stefan, fois gras rumble.  I’m only sadder it didn’t get past the yelling phase.  You know it would have turned from a fist fight into a long, passionate kiss.

Were those scallops in a TIN?  Is that normal?

10:07: SEVEN MINUTES IN AND THE WEBSITE IS FREAKING OUT ALREADY GODDAMN IT.  Looks like we’re up and down tonight.  Stick with me.

Carla is paired with Casey, who convinces her to sous vide…tho she’s never done it before.  My advice: Trust the hootie hoo.  Casey does not understand the hootie hoo.  Do not suggest that she veer.

I’m worried for my girl.

10:13: Interlude.  Voodoo tarot card reader.  He continues his useless crush on Jamie.  SHE IS A GIANT SAN FRANCISCO DYKE.  GET OVER IT.  Also, he admits to using voodoo dolls on Carla and Hosea.  Because he is a bigger douche than I thought.  Does he know that voudon is an actual, real, religion?  I’m guessing no.

10:15: Alec Baldwin Hulu Commercial = hilarity..  Alec Baldwin anything pretty much = hilarity at this point.

10:18:TWIST! I love a twist.  Oh, did I say that? I meant FUCK THESE FUCKING TWISTS.

Everyone has to make an appetizer.  Someone has to cook alligator.  How do we decide? King’s cake.  It has a baby hidden inside, everyone has to scarf a slice and find the baby. Not a real baby, we’re not seeking King Solomon’s wisdom herel just a little baby charm.

Still…that’s not creepy at all, New Orleans.

The winner picks his/her protein and then assigns the rest. Hosea gets the baby and takes red snapper.  Guess what?  Stefan gets the alligator!  Carla ends up with crabs.

10:19: Get your minds out of the gutter.

10:20: Stefan is making alligator soup.  Which sucks, but you know what else sucks? THOSE FREAKING CRABS ARE ALIVE and one of them bit my girl.  I will cut that crab.

My girl is also feeling rushed.  More worry, although I also know the editors are not to be trusted.

I’m missing all the courses, but I assume I’ll get to those when they actually, you know, serve the food.

10:22: Casey:  SHUT UP.  LEAVE CARLA ALONE.  There is a reason you didn’t win, yes?  And that Carla has been nailing shit every week for the past 3 or 4 weeks?  Ignore her, please.  She can chop shit for you. And that’s it.

Does anyone get the sense that even Marcel thinks that Stefan is kind of a douche?  That’s rough.

10:24: Stephanie Izard and Betty in one commercial.  Stab me in the ear with a fork now.  Just the left one, because it’s closer to the television and I’d like to keep the use of one of them.

Also, I really do apologize on behalf of my terrible, terrible hosts.  They are terrible.  Really.  They used to just irritate me, but now I actively hate them.

10:29: Judges = fucking awesome, except for DiSpirito! Susan Spicer!  John Besh!  Hubert Keller! FABIO!! Branford Marsalis!  A bunch of Commander’s Palace people I don’t know or really care about!

I want to stick Hubert Keller in the pocket that is not currently occupied by Jacques Pepin.

They love Hosea’s redfish, and out comes Stefan’s alligator soup, also loved. Then Carla.  More love.

10:32: First course. There is a lot going on on Hosea’s plate.  They’re going a little fast. Carla’s got a kind of deconstructed bouillabaisse, which is also loved.

Stefan made halibut carpaccio.  Stefan and Hosea were a little bland but EVERYONE LOVES CARLA. Suck on that!

SLOW DOWN, EDITORS.  If there’s one episode where I’d forgive you for going over time, it would be the goddamn finale.

10:33: Second course.  Stefan has squab.  Carla has meat and potatoes, but it is the best looking meat and potatoes ever.  Hosea, again, has a lot going on, and maybe there’s some some foie overload.

CAAAAASEY! I shake my fist at you – you have destroyed Carla’s love.  Everyone rejects the sous vide (Casey’s contribution) and loves the sauce (Carla’s work).  Therefore I must detest Casey eternally, because my love of Carla has grown to slightly disturbing proportions.

10:34: Rocco is tired of foie.  Everyone else thinks he’s a moron, although they don’t say it out loud.  Gail rolls her eyes so hugely that they disappear entirely into the back of her skull and I worry for a minute about whether they’re making it back.

10:36: Carla’s souffle failed. And whose idea was souffle? CASEY.  Who wanted to do a tart?  CARLA?  Who is good at making tart and pastry crust? CARLA.

The defense rests.

Whoa, okay, I hate Stefan but I want that plate of that dessert even if it’s not all fancy pants. Maybe it’s just my love of lollipops.  Hosea’s got venison and “carbonated blackberries.”  I really have to ask: what’s the point?  Sometimes I get the molecular gastronomy.  Sometimes I do not.  This time?  Not.

10:39: Deliberations.  The venison is safe.  The dessert is dated.  Carla is clearly going to lose because of CASEY.

Don’t HUG her! She’s ruined you!  I’m trying not to hate.

But I do. I do.

10:41: Hosea might actually take this.  And it hurts me, it really does.  I hate to say it, but I would rather see Stefan if I can’t have Carla.

10:44:  JUDGE’S TABLE.  Carla’s appetizer was beloved, as was the first course.  And then the second course started to go downhill. CASEY.

And finally, the case of the missing souffle:  Not her original idea for a final course.  CASEY.

10:46: Hosea:  Appetizers through courses one, two and three are pretty much a hit, although 2 is a little questionable.  Gail is baffled by the blackberries, as was I.

10:48: Freezing the fish = should have trusted Marcel.  Not a sentence you hear every day.  Th squab perfectly represents the Stefan possibly because it was over cabbage, which he made almost as often as Jamir made scallops.

His sessert.  Gail: “Is that dessert the last thing you want to leave us with?”  Stefan: “Yes.” End of story.  Good one.

Stefan, why should you be top chef?  “Because I deserve it.”  Convincing!

10:50: Carla is crying, because she knows that she should have just gone with her gut.  And do you know whose fault that is?  I will give you two guesses.

Answer: CASEY.

10:51: Hootie hoo is out.  And I am immediately disinterested.

I’m trying really hard to be interested in the judges’ back-and-forth about Hosea and Stefan.  I’m having a very hard time caring.  I mean, a REALLY hard time.  Hosea seems like he’s pulling ahead because the judges finally recognize that Stefan has no soul.

And if it’s Hosea?  99% of the people in the betting pool are immediately out of the running.

10:57: Essence of deliberations: Carla has the love. Hosea is slow but steady. Stefan is as bipolar as I am.

There’s no sub-booting: Hosea is the Top Chef. He seems more excited that he beat Stefan than that he actually won.

Anti-climactic.

Casey is my nemesis.

The end.

Thanks for sticking it out all season, blackouts and all! I’ve had a great time, and I hope you have too.  See you next week for the finger-pointing recriminations that are the reunion, and the announcement of the betting pool winner.

0 thoughts on “Liveblogging Top Chef: Finale, Part 2

  1. Gotta say, there was something so endearing about Carla’s totally un-manic and centered demeanor “I did it. I win the car” That makes me love her more.

  2. Yeah. If I were Carla, I wouldn’t try something a cooking style I’d never done before for the finale. Hope it doesn’t backfire on her.

  3. i love that the whole pick-any-dish-you-want freaked stefan out more than any challenge, ever. thats because robots have no soul. crazy euro-robot.

  4. ever since someone said it last week, now the Glad-Erica commercials crack me up. She *does* look like she just farted!!
    also, her food looks disgusting.

  5. I’m sick over this. I wish Carla did what she’s good at doing, like when she did the peas. I’m so upset. Since it’s obviously not Carla, please let Stefan win. I won’t be responsible for my actions if Hosea wins.

  6. Oh, I’m fucking sick. I cried with Carla. She should’ve had more confidence in herself, cooked her own food (with peas!), and she totally would’ve won.

    Hootie hoo and ba-dow.

  7. I am horrified with this outcome. Hosea seriously gives Ilan a run for his money in the Useless Stakes. Also, I kind of can’t believe they said twat on TV.

    Also also: FUCKING CASEY. Shut the fuck up, CASEY. Grr!! Hootie!! Etc.

  8. Michelle, we totally appreciate your live-blogging, even though your host sucks monkey ass on clam shells! So, let me get this out of the way first… Richard-to-the-mutha-fuckin-Blaise!!!! My man crush is back, and with a vengeance! Hosea got lucky as Hell picking him, because Richard knows how to be a good sous chef, as well as a great chef. Casey, you fucking cunt. Destroyer of love everywhere. You surely have evil voodoo coursing through your dark heart. Marcel, enh… I could really tell in Hosea’s dishes that Blaise had some creative influence, but let him bring his own style to the table. Casey, there is a reason that you finished second in your season, and it’s not because you couldn’t silence the creative monkeys like Blaise couldn’t do last season. Marcel, don’t know much about you, but it seems that you let Stefan run the show. You may be a twat or a douche, but you performed well as a sous chef. I was really torn in this episode, because having Carla win would have been a great thing for Top Chef. And yes, even I, a burly tough as stone man teared up with her at the end. I liked Stefan as being a good chef through-and-through, even though he was a major dick. Hey, who isn’t a twat (every once in a while at least, right???) When Hosea picked Blaise, I had a tough time pulling against him. Glad Hosea won; it kind of vindicated Blaise a bit, at least in my mind damnit!!! The appetizers were very interesting. I thought that Stefan’s soup would be a flop, but it seemed to come out strong. Stefan and Hosea’s first courses were lame, but not unexpected. The second courses looked great, except for Carla’s, DAMNIT!!!! Damn you Casey! Damn you to Hell!!!! The last course, I thought that Hosea showed weakness by not doing a dessert and that would end up hurting him, and of course that vampire bitch Casey screwed up Carla’s dessert Love. Stefan had an interesting dessert course, but Gail was right, it was pedestrian at best. However, I thought that Stefan’s progression of courses was better than Hosea’s (not doing a dessert should have hurt him more in my opinion), but damn dude! Make a dessert to blow fucking minds! Oh well, it has been fun, and this blog made it even more fun for me. My dream finale would have been: Dr. Chase paired with Blaise to really get the creative monkeys going; Carla paired with Marcel; and Stefan paired with Casey. But alas, we all must now bow down and kiss the ring of Top Chef Hosea. Oh how we hated HoseLeah, and wanted that to die in a fire. Oh our disdain for the cocky Stefan ran deep, and in the end it was probably your cockiness that killed your chance. And how our love for Carla grow, because she was feeding us love and spirit xanax right there through the TV. Michelle, I just hope that you live blog the reunion next week!

  9. F my life! Hosea just needs to go away and be a terrible chef somewhere else… Honestly, won by the skin of his stupid gap-teeth.

  10. Poor Carla. She didn’t follow her own instincts. If she had, she should have nailed it. Hosea is dull and Stefan is a tool. Boo.

    And, yes, we get it. Every episode, you drink Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio. The Tool made sure to give it one last huge screen shot.

  11. Love your site and blog. Hated the last show of Top Chef.
    Posea is not a top chef. I would have felt better if was Stefan. We were all really screwed when we lost FABIO! and Casey was brought in to f@#@ with Carla. I am gonna be mad all day.

  12. Hosea would NEVER have won, had he not had Blaise on his team. And Casey…….she ruined it for Carla.

    With all this aside. I can not believe the judges picked Hosea. Shouldn’t the final choice be based on the entire competition and not just one lucky Blaise-Sous-Chef night? I mean, Hosea????? He sucked as a chef. From this line up, either Jamie, Jeff, Stefan or Fabio should have won. Ahhh, but Colicchio. You tricky sum-a-bitch. It was obvious through the whole dinner he was bashing Stefan, because that is what he does. He picks the best and gets jealous.

    I’m disappointed with the entire season.

  13. I too am disappointed with the entire season now. Hosea did not deserve to win. at. all.
    They should just change the name of the show to Top Tool…

  14. I keep telling my friends I will never watch Top Scallop again but they don’t believe me.

    Jamey R- I live in Dallas- want me to talk to Casey for you? We all know where she works. ;-)

  15. Casey sounds REALLY bitter and is just nasty toward Carla…even IF the essence of what she said was true (note I said IF) she could have said it in a classier way:

    http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/2009/02/26/casey-thompson-speaks-out-about-top-chef/

    The article: (direct quote from Casey)

    “Carla was not prepared and in over her head. The show did not talk about how the first course (crab) took her half of the friggin’ cooking time that day, I was left to work the rest of HER dishes.

    She also did not have a plan. The ONLY thing she had in mind was a cheese course! I would NEVER do a cheese course. And where in the hell did french come from!? She is not even classically trained! It (the show) didn’t talk about how I worked on a sauce for 2 days and Carla forgot to put it on the plate… It didn’t show how the 2nd course (fish) was MINE. It didn’t show how she took the sous vide idea and decided to GRILL it last minute causing it to be tough… And it didn’t show how she WANTED to do the souffles which she does not even know how to make! That was HER food, because it certainly was me asking her how she wanted to do this and that while she was busy picking crab the entire time and making a souffle that didn’t rise!

    I am done with TC. I did not influence her. She has NO ideas of her own, oh, except a cheese course.”

    ______________________________________________________

    Whereas when Carla was asked about Casey:

    Exhibit A:

    “I really enjoyed working with Casey. I actually really wanted to work with her,I thought that we would connect. And I did not consider that it was Casey’s fault. You know, at that point we had all just given so much, and I was so emotionally exhausted. Going into that second finale, after winning the first one, I was on a high, but then we’re cooking again the next day. So when they said we had help, I was like, oh my god, I get help, and I just gave her too much power. She didn’t take it from me, I gave it to her. In hindsight, I would have made totally different decisions. I never sold myself on that souflee, and if we had done a better cut of meat, seared it — it would have been really great with my sauce, which was so delicious. I hope people don’t blame Casey. I known that the blogs have kind of been blowing up saying that she ruined it for me. No she did not. ”

    Exhibit B:

    “I would love to give [Casey Thompson] a call to see how she’s taking all of this. I hate for her to get the brunt of it. If I could get on a loudspeaker and tell the whole world and everyone who watches the show, I would tell them, ‘Don’t blame Casey.’ I take full responsibility.”

    ___________________________________________________________

    And as an additional thing…FABIO!! is on the Ellen show today. Don’t know when it airs where you live (it just finished here in DC) but you can probabily find it online or something.

    Thanks for blogging Top Chef Michelle! I have really enjoyed them.

  16. I am so glad you have this on your blog. I only saw 10 minutes or so and I knew that Carla (my favourite too) was doomed because of that horrible person Casey. I liked Casey in her season, now she is dead to me!

  17. I am watching it all over right now and still mad. Carla is way cooler and has more class.
    In the final, why do they need help, if they got this far without it? Posea is a poser, not a Top Chef. The standard has been reduced. Bravo needs to “nut up” and have a do over!

  18. Casey’s response is so extreme and vicious that I now think that she actively sabotaged Carla throughout the show. Anything that Carla wanted to do, she thwarted her. Isn’t it strange that she accuses Carla of not being trained but the fact is Carla IS trained but Casey is not. I was stunned by the disrespectful way she talked to Carla during the whole show. She was bullying her. Carla shouldn’t have let her, but she shouldn’t have had to deal with Casey’s personality at all. She would have had to confront her while still trying to get her to cook for her. I’m really sad now.

  19. Thank God for this site!!! I’m so mad at TC for choosing dumbass Hosea I needed a place to vent!!!!

    Richard Blaise my man! Why for the love of God did such a good thing end up in the hands of that TOOL Hosea!! I will never watch TC again. Never. I can not forgive Tom Colicchio and his jealousy for sabotaging the finale once again. Remember Sam. . . .

  20. You guy are blaming Casey for Carla’s failure. Carla should have asserted herself and not let Casey lead her around by her nose. This is a leadership failure and reason for her not to be named Top Chef, no matter how nice she was.

    As far as the blogging goes: Casey was inappropriate.

  21. steven, normally i don’t reply in top chef threads b/c they get too long but: we all know deep down that carla’s lack of spine played a huge role. but the mob is angry, and it needs a scapegoat.

  22. Pingback: thursday night smackdown » Liveblogging Top Chef Masters: Screw you, Mizrahi

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