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This artisanal post was handcrafted just for YOU using the finest in locally sourced vocabulary on 16 Jan 2009, and is filed under the frig?.

Weekend Frig: Valuable Sponsorship Opportunity!

To whom it may concern: If you want to buy this marvelous machine for me, I will name it after you Coors Stadium-style. So if you’ve always wanted to see a “Jim Smith Memorial” something or other, you’ve come to the right place.

Behold, and cringe before its glory: A machine that dispenses sausage gravy! Hopefully, someone will invent a counter-sized version soon – in which case screw you, toaster, I never needed you anyway – but in the meantime I am perfectly willing to clear out the den to accommodate the full-size version.

If you act to procure me one within the next 20 minutes, I will ALSO name the “Biscuits in a Bowl” dispenser after you at no extra charge.

Who knows what other kinds of wonderful machine are lurking in the background, waiting for you to buy them for me so I can name them after you? Granted, I’ve never actually been to a Bob Evans. But it’s SAUSAGE GRAVY, people – how bad can it be? Do NOT underestimate my love of sausage gravy on a biscuit. As the machine itself states, this is the way to “Start your day right!”

Thank you, thank you, Ilovethisworld.com for bringing this to my attention.

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11 Comments

  1. Vickylee
    January 16, 2009

    How much of a bad person am I that I want to use it to put gravy on my popcorn?

  2. kristin
    January 16, 2009

    I love biscuits and gravy, but that makes me want to vomit. And I imagine the vomit would look much like the substance extruded by that unnatural machine.

  3. phillygirl64
    January 16, 2009

    I’ve been craving grits and gravy…but not from that thing; blech!

  4. michelle
    January 16, 2009

    vickylee and kristin, what’s so interesting about your comments is that i think they’re somehow both correct.

  5. ErikaK
    January 16, 2009

    That. is. nasty. I can imagine the can that the gravy comes in for the 7-11 employee to happily dispense into the “clean” machine. Bleh.

  6. ToyLady
    January 16, 2009

    Ya know, I have been to an actual Bob Evans – before it closed – and I’ve gotta tell you, “fresh,” their sausage gravy, uh, it ain’t all that. I – midwestern girl that I am – can do and have done much MUCH better with one eye still closed in not-quite-awakeness. Heck, my kid was doing better sausage gravy & biscuits when he was in high school. Whatever comes out of that, that, monstrosity is the stuff of culinary nighmares.

    That being said, I would so try it.

    On Demand sausage gravy? Hell yeah. Heh.

  7. aforkfulofspaghetti
    January 17, 2009

    Dear God. Please save us. Now.

  8. anna l'americana
    January 17, 2009

    Its Armageddon………aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

  9. michelle
    January 17, 2009

    toy lady, THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING. everybody, listen to her. yes, any of could probably better sausage gravy with both hands tied behind our backs and no actual sausage. but THIS sausage gravy is ON DEMAND.

    and that makes all the difference.

  10. TSQ75
    January 17, 2009

    General: O M G *gag* there’s some poor soul that will pour that into a cup like a cappuchino…

    ToyLady: Bob Evans still exists, FYI. look for them on your next drive up the east coast

  11. ToyLady
    January 18, 2009

    TSQ75 – I know B.E. still exists – they just closed down the restaurant around the corner from me a couple of years back. It’s a Famous Dave’s now.

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