My recipe cards bring all the boys to the yard
The time is upon us: The First Thursday in October. You know you want in. Instructions here. Prize is ubercute. I demand your orange foods, however you choose to interpret that command. I have a fever, and the only cure is foodstuffs related to the word “orange.” Get crack-a-lackin’! Want the badge? Code after the ...
International House of Cheap Ass Monday
Alternate Title: I’ll dutch your baby anytime, hot stuff.* *Because a dutch baby is a kind of big, fluffy baked pancake often filled with apples. Not because I’m trying to come on to you. Although if I knew you, I’m sure I TOTALLY would.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how chapped is my ass?
GOOP: Hair gel, anal lube, slimy children’s candy or heinous new Gwyneth Paltrow website? Probably all of the above. My ass chappage goes to 11, baby.*
Thursday Night Smackdown: Don’t do this unless you want your house to smell really good
You are cold-hearted poeple who enjoy reading about failure, so I was going to appease your horrifying bloodlust and go all Thomas Keller on your asses. On my ass. On someone’s ass. Whatever, there was going to be food and probably horrifying failure. And ass. Lots and lots of ass.
It’s my first time…be gentle.
Sometimes scrambled eggs with jelly are just scrambled eggs with jelly. Plum jelly, to be precise. Not that I would ever want to eat those particular scrambled eggs, but I can’t deny their inherent egg-ness.
I would not eat this in a boat, I would not eat it with a stoat.
It’s like the unreleased B-side to Morphine’s “French Fries with Pepper”: Spaetzle with Jelly*. It fits into the song structure and everything! It’s now stuck in my head! 9-9-99, I hope I’m sitting on the back porch, drinking red wine, singing oooooh….spaetzle, with jelly. Problem is, this is not that thing.
Cheap Ass Monday: Dear Lord, it BURNS
It’s not that I don’t like spicy foods, it’s just my heat threshold is low. Very low. Kind of like an infant, or maybe a puppy. Brian, on the other hand, has been known to eat actual fire for shits and giggles; his favorite hot sauce is called “Sweet Death” and every bottle comes with ...