Back to our regularly scheduled amateur food porn: Now with Hollandaise!

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Coming up at 11: When Asparagus Attacks

Some days, work is relatively stress-free and I get home by 5, excited and ready to cook up a storm. The other 364 days a year, I don’t. Unless each of my 6 readers starts loading this page 750,000 times a day each, I’ll be keeping my day job and looking for more quick but interesting weeknight meals.*

Some time ago, I declared the official foodie trend of Spring 2008 to be the poached egg. Today was a lovely spring day – sunny, brisk, daffodils in bloom, Target setting up shop on the street giving away flowers with each purchase of toxic chemical fertilizer – and I had some asparagus in the fridge that was about to buy the farm, so: roasted asparagus with poached eggs and green curry hollandaise. Hollandaise and asparagus are a classic pairing, as are poached eggs and hollandaise (eggs benedict, eggs florentine) and poached eggs and asparagus; marvel at the synergy!

*If you could start doing that, that would be great. Tell your friends and family!

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BlenderCam 2000: New technology only available at TNS.

Traditional hollandaise involves a lot of nail biting and whisking and more whisking, not to mention the whisking. Also, there is often fucking up, and the fear of broken sauce that can lead to the debilitating physical condition known as the “mother sauce shakes.” Mostly it takes time, which is what I was hoping to avoid. More time spent making hollandaise means less time watching American Idol and reading manga.

Blender hollandaise, on the other hand, involves turning the knob on the blender. I did have to turn the knob a couple of times, which was tiring, but I managed to make it through. I’m not sure whether Julia Child approves of the blender hollandaise or not but I suspect that she would, she seems the type. Egg yolks, lemon and seasoning in the blender, drizzle in melted butter while the blender is running, consume. From individual ingredients to actual artery-stiffening in less than 3 minutes. Genius!

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Eggs. The end.

I tossed the asparagus with olive oil and salt and stashed it in a 400 degree oven to roast. The hollandaise went into a small saucepan to keep warm while I poached the eggs. I know you’re supposed to hold hollandaise over a double boiler to keep it from breaking, but I was feeling brash from the blenderized version and sat it directly on the heat with no ill effects. Sometimes, one must rock out with one’s cock out.

Poached eggs, once the elusive “knack” is obtained, are easy to make consistently good. Barely simmering water with a few tablespoons of white vinegar to help the whites hold together, fresh eggs, and exactly 3 minutes and 15 seconds in the water will produce a warm, cooked egg with a delightfully runny yolk – perfect for when you want the yolk to coat something or contribute to a sauce.

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If you came over and requested this for brunch, I would charge you $13.

I laid down a bed of asparagus that had been roasted to dark green and brown perfection and topped it with one of the poached eggs. A tablespoon or two of hollandaise over the top – the addition of green curry paste muddied the usual lovely butter-yellow color a bit, but not enough to deter me from it in any way – a sprinkle of cayenne and an english muffin, and we’re ready to go. Well, not we; you didn’t get any. Sorry.

There’s a good reason that asparagus, poached eggs and hollandaise are classic pairings – they’re fucking good. The fresh green asparagus is deepened by roasting, poached eggs are light but luscious, and the hollandaise binds everything together with it’s buttery, lemony richness. In this version, the green curry adds a background note of pungency that makes the sauce interesting without overwhelming the freshness and simplicity of the key ingredients.

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That’s right, motherfucker: It’s a fucking root beer float.

I declare this to be a “neo-classic” pairing: asparagus, hollandaise and eggs, and root beer floats. I’d stopped by a local bodega on my way home from the subway to pick up butter for the hollandaise. While maneuvering through the store’s tiny aisles I just happened to pass the small freezer case, where my eyes TOTALLY RANDOMLY lit on a pint of Ciao Bella vanilla gelato (ah, gentrification).

Yes, it was random. Shut up.

I was going to use it to make affogato – ice cream “suffocated” with espresso – but when Brian mentioned he was running to the grocery store I casually suggested that he pick up some root beer, because I’m smart like that. So we had a perfectly lovely ending to a perfectly lovely spring day.

Green Curry Blender Hollandaise
makes approx. 1 cup

3 egg yolks
1 1/2 tbsp. fresh lemon juice
1/4 tsp. dried mustard
1/2 tsp. salt
1 stick butter (8 tbsp) melted but not browned
1 tsp. green curry paste

Put the first 4 ingredients in the blender. Turn the blender on and pour the melted butter in slowly, like you’re whisking oil into a vinaigrette; the sauce will thicken and turn pale yellow. Add the curry paste and blend to combine. Taste, and adjust for salt, lemon and curry according to your preference.

If you’re holding the sauce, keep it warm in a small saucepan over the lowest possible heat. If it starts to thicken or break, take it off the heat and whisk in hot water by the teaspoon until the consistency is restored.

0 thoughts on “Back to our regularly scheduled amateur food porn: Now with Hollandaise!

  1. You are just too damn clever for words. Green curry in the hollandaise. This post just made me crave like 9 different foods at once. Rootbeer float at priority one.

  2. OMFG. Is it wrong of me to be slightly pissed (because I don’t have any asparagus right now) and very jealous of your gorgeous plate of asparagus, poached eggs and hollandaise? And I tell ya what…if you load my page 750,000 times a day, I’ll do yours. lmfao ;)

  3. OK, time for yet another poached egg meal tonight. I think that makes, what, 3 out of the last 7 nights I’ve had poached eggs? Obviously, I’m not trying hard enough.

  4. I had a traumatic experience with some bad hollandaise at a Disneyland hotel breakfast buffet 5 years ago, and I haven’t looked back since. Green curry might save me. Must procure blender cam…

    Must also explain why a young adult was traveling to Disneyland for spring break, but that’s not for here.

  5. A poached egg in hollandaise sauce on roasted asparagus sounds really good! I also like the idea of adding green curry paste to the hollandaise sauce.

  6. Green curry hollandaise! Awesome. That’s what I’m sayin’ You ever heard of Sauce Gribiche? It’s not quite like Hollandaise but it’s full of eggy goodness, herbs, and olive oil.

  7. This looks splendid…actually, I’m really craving a root beer float now. I’ve looked for Ciao Bella gelato, but it’s not around these parts.
    I haven’t found out who got kicked off of AI! Don’t tell me!
    I’m going to guess…Kristi Lee? Who knows.

  8. You mean everyone apart from me ISN’T loading your blog 750,000 times a day?? What’s with that? Sheesh…

    Green curry hollandaise… okaaaay… Jury’s out on that one, but I guess I have to try it first, right?

  9. I LOVE the green curry addition – sweet!

    When I’m blue I’ll sit on the couch with a batch of Hollondaise some steamed asparagus or broccoli, t.v. and go through the whole lot. Fortunately, it’s not often.

  10. claudia: honestly, i could swing both ways. i think i’d leave it out if i were having this for breakfast, but keep it for dinner.

    mark: fortuitous!

    brittany: it’s true. i kinda am.

    amy: if i can do it, you can do it! i destroy sauces all the time, it’s like my second job.

    canary: no, you should be jealous. i will make you a plate for the BARGAIN PRICE of only 500,000 page loads.

    varmint: seriously, get with the program.

    RG: i bet a root beer float would be a really peppy way to start the day. now you’re making me want one too.

    rachel: there was an english muffin, it just wasn’t photogenic enough. i’m a muffin mangler.

    shari: i want to try red curry now too.

    diana: were you drunk? that could help explain things.

    kevin: it was really good. try it!

    james: i have. plus, it has such a fun name.

    scott: thanks, and welcome, and fuck you!

    susan: i was mistrustful, but blender hollandaise will change the way i brunch forever.

    laura: thanks! and i assume i can now rely on the fact that you’ll load my page 750,000 times today.

    emiline: i don’t watch the 2nd night of AI, but the internet informs me that it was kristi lee.

    if you can find ciao bella, it makes an excellent float. but i don’t really like their vanilla plain, because it’s so strong it almost tastes like bourbon.

    peter: i know yuzu, but what’s yuzu kosho? do tell.

    KJ: well, i am a wizard.

    forkful: right? i don’t know what their problems are. i liked the curry, but i like pungency. in it’s defense, it was pretty subtle under all that butter.

    LiR: i think i now i have a new vegging-out snack, much to my waistline’s chagrin.

  11. It’s sort of the Japanese version of curry paste: yuzu and hot peppers. Green is wicked hot, red is nuclear. It comes in cute little jars. Sunrise has it.

  12. This chef in town makes a pork fat hollandaise. Talk about rich! Yo. I just tagged you to share a Six Word Memoir. If you want to participate, check out my blog again. Peace.

  13. It looks excellent, of course, and God DAMN it I wish I lived near you. I’d hold a knife to you until you agreed to be my friend. Kinda like that scene in Blades of Glory (yeah, I watched it, and I laughed, so what of it) where Hector the Crazy Fan says “I totally want to wear your skin as a suit for my birthday. It’s coming up…”

  14. peter: i will obtain this product. oh yes, i will.

    niall: glad you dig it – welcome!

    james: holy shit, that sounds obscene (in a good way).

    kate: well, that’s not my problem. move!

    in all seriousness, i would be your friend even if you only threatened me with a butter knife.

  15. Pingback: thursday night smackdown » Blog Archive » Cheap Ass Monday: The garlic mayo goes BLAT.

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